Cystic Fibrosis

[swampcat]

I don't know how many of you know anything about CF, but the gist of it is mucous plugs a bunch of organs in your body and the person with it ends up not being able to breathe well all their life. Life expectancy is around 30-something for those who were diagnosed early in life (there are variations in the disease and some can be diagnosed as adults with a milder form).

So my point of this is my friend of 20 years just died yesterday from this. She was 29. I live in CT and she lives in ABQ. I flew out three times this year to see her, with the last time being about a month ago when she was put on hospice.

She suffered so much these last couple years. Her lungs could only work around 15% capacity plus they were infected with at least 6 different colonies of bacteria (since mucous likes to trap stuff). And she had co-morbidities like diabetes, pain from scar tissues, etc.

For months we have been talking about death and all that. She had tried suicide a few times by way of taking pills, but her liver was so shot from all the meds she's been on her whole life coupled with liver failure due to CF that those 10 ambien she took just gave her a 3 hour nap.

So it's basically a relief she has passed. She was suffering so much.

So why am I so sad? I knew this was coming. We did a report together on CF in 5th grade, so I've known since then she wouldn't make it much past 30. We were hoping this would come soon. But I feel this emptiness. She is the first human that I was close to that has passed away. My grandparents have died, but I was not close to them.

I should not be sad. I should be jumping for joy that she's not bed-ridden and wishing she was dead. So why do I feel sad?

I find this to be a very interesting emotional reaction to the situation and I'm just trying to make sense of it.

 

[turney31]

I am so sorry for your loss.

You were a good friend to go see her!

 

[Parson's Wife]

I am so very sorry.

 

[m.kitchengirl]

It is normal to be sad and grieve your friend. You sound like you were a wonderful friend to her and she to you. You can be relieved she is not suffering and mourn the loss of that relationship and the companionship it provided. Give yourself permission to mourn YOUR loss, even if you feel she didn't have much to lose. It is not selfish to miss her, it is human.

I hope you find peace in time and can find some comfort in all of the logical things you stated above. Try to live the best life you can, in honor of her life and the lessons she taught you.

I have, unfortunately, lost many people I am close to. With time you will remember the good things, and be able to smile again. When that time comes, know you smile for two.

 

[swampcat]

Thanks everyone. I just found it weird that I was sad. I guess even though I intellectually knew this was going to happen and we both wanted it to happen as quickly as possible, my heart wasn't ready. I guess everyone grieves in their own way. A lot of people have been posting on her facebook which I think is odd and aggravating. So many people are writing things like "you are greatly missed" and things about being heartbroken, but yet none of these people have seen her (or attempted to see her) since we graduated from school and she moved out west.

 

[sfw2]

I think your feelings of sadness make perfect sense. While, intellectually, you knew it was coming, and you're relieved that her suffering is over, your world is still a sadder place without her in it.

 

[dewey]

I am very sorry for your loss.

 

[redhen]

We lost my little cousin to this a couple years ago. She was only 16, never got to grow up.
Its a VERY cruel disease....

Very sorry about your friend.

 

[OHhappychicks]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

My DDIL has cf. She is 30 yrs old. She is the mother of 2 great kids. She is still doing pretty good, although this past year, she was more sick thank usual. She still goes and doesn't let it get her down to much. I have noticed she is slowing down a little. He brother passed away 3-4 yrs ago from cf. He was 18. He was on the transplant list. They had a lung ready for him, went to Pittsburg, pa and after they received the lung, found it was damaged. He passed 2 days later. So I understand a little what you are going thru. It's heart breaking and it is truly a dreadful disease. So let yourself mourn. It's part of the process of going on with your life. She was an intregal part of your life, even thru her suffering you helped her thru it and was there for her.

 

[samahoga1989]

I have Cystic Fibrosis, I actually am already a member of this website- as you can see, but I found this thread by searching "chickens and Cystic Fibrosis." I am wondering if I should continue to keep chickens or if their feces/bedding/feathers can cause my lungs problems.