Dad Jokes😂

[Jester57]

I hired a young lady wearing only pasties, high heels and a bikini bottom to remove old varnish from my table.

She was a stripper.

 

[Jester57]

They tell me I’m not very good at math.

Spoiler

I mean, about half the time I understand what they’re talking about, the other half the time I think I understand what they’re talking about and the other half the time, I’ll never understand what they’re talking about.

 

[Jester57]

A scientist was convinced that his recent Time Machine invention could also double as a replicator. To prove this, he sent his pet duck 1 minute and 2 minutes into the future simultaneously. After a minute, the first duck appeared unharmed. The second duck materialized and both ducks were instantly annihilated.

The appearance of the second duck had created a pair of ducks.

 

[azurbanclucker]

https://imgur.com/gIPHtgb

 

[Jester57]

I once dated a baker.

She was really kneady. Made a lot of dough, though.

 

[Jester57]

How did the astronaut describe accelerating so fast it made him pee his pants?


Geewhiz.

 

[Jester57]

How did the Scotsman die?

He was kilt.

 

[Jester57]

What do you put on a salad made of glass?

Window dressing.

 

[Jester57]

At the marijuana store all the employees wore tuxedos.

They dispensed with the formalities.

 

[azurbanclucker]

https://imgur.com/KlDq0ri