Daughter broke up with boyfriend and I'm the one depressed!

[blbnker]

I could not bring myself to go to work today. I feel like I am going crazy, can't stop crying and am so depressed. My 28 year old son and his girlfriend of 2 years broke up after a very tumultuous last 4 months. I have only one child and love this girl like a daughter. They lived with us until a few months ago when she got a better paying job and moved out but would not let him move in with her. She has many issues like bipolar and is very self centered. I know she sounds horrible and my gut knows this is not someone I want my son to spend his life with but for some reason that no one can understand I love her and miss her terribly. They tried to make it work but it was back and forth for the last 3 months. Finally she said some pretty hurtful things to him which I only know a little of and he said it is over. I don't blame him but it is putting a strain on our relationship because he cannot understand why I still have feelings for her. He wants me to have no communication with her and I am having a hard time with that. It has helped me to spend the last hour reading all of your stories. I am going to therapy. I have always been such a strong self assured person and my head knows I should let her go but my heart hurts so bad. Has anyone on these posts gone to a professional or taken anti depressive medications? Even the therapist can't understand my attachment to this girl. Everywhere I look I see some reminder of her. I have lots of friends and a great husband but she filled some void that I can't seem to fill. My son wants me to just back off and I am trying but I too snoop all day.
No one really gets it and just keep telling me it is for the best. I want to be her friend. Any advice?

 

[connie1966]

Hi ! Its benn little over two years not one day goes by that he does not cross my mind and i still snoop occasionally i hVe bever seeked any help just take it day by day , and you will always love her and miss her but you will
learn to live without her I suggest you listen to your Son though don't contact her just snoop on your own time and try not to let him see or know how you're feeling just fake it, some things are just out of our control

 

[blbnker]

All of you have no idea what a relief it is to know I am not the only one feeling like this. I just returned from my therapist and she tells me to have no contact with her. Since she is bipolar and has issues which I think I can "help", but I can't help her unless she wants help. My mother instincts want to love her and help her even if not to get her back with my son.
I am hoping to get some sleep tonight. I am exhausted from crying all day. I just want peace. I keep thinking 1 year ago we were a happy family and now our lives are so dysfunctional and sad.
Thank you so much for your support. I am going to a MD next week and will try an antidepressant if she thinks it will help. I'll let you know.

 

[connie1966]

So sad i know how you feel trust me its heart breaking , you need to be strong try to get through it without meds , think of you take walks read socialize stay distracted she will not stop her life for you or make herself sick for you she will move on and live her life so u need to do the same not stay home niserable sad depressed and Isolate everyone trust me i learned that. The hard way my x son in maw was so mean to me after two years of me crying every single day It killed me hes moved on i need to fo the same for my sake his sake my daughters sake people change memorys don't.. just cherish your memories

 

[Sparrow12]

Know how you feel. I am in total shock. My daughter just broke up with her boyfriend of 3 years. They lived with us for almost a year and only moved out for the last few months. One moment they are cudddlying and then next he is on a plane back" home "without a chance to say goodbye. He was so much part of our family, so good to us and our daughter and I embrassed him as my son. I feel absolutely heartbroken and don't know how to get over it. I have cried for two days.

 

[connie1966]

Iv been crying for two years lol day by day!

 

[Sparrow12]

I'm sorry. It is a really tough one.

 

[Sparrow12]

Glad someone else feels the same way. I feel like I lost my son now he is broken up with my daughter. So very sad

 

[connie1966]

Same here!

i miss my boy too its like a death it just doesnt make sence like its unreal that hes not in my life anymore ,

 

[blbnker]

Thanks to everyone and your support! One of my hardest issues is not contacting her. I want to know she is okay and I feel like we are abandoning her. I did get an antidepressant that also helps with anxiety. I am definitely depressed and anxious. Therapy is kind of stuck since I know the issues but can't help feeling the hurt. No amount of therapy will take that away! Our kids think we can just turn our feelings off. I try to write down at least 3 things I am grateful for each day. It's hard since I do nothing but cry all day. But one of my grateful things is this site so thank you all.