Daughter broke up with boyfriend and I'm the one depressed!

[Loreli]

Hi, I am new here and just found this thread by Googling why am I so sad about my daughter's breakup. It was so helpful to find all of these comments and see that I'm not alone. My daughter has been with her boyfriend for 2 years and he has been absolutely crazy about her since the beginning. She is "done" and doesn't think she wants to be with him anymore. I am just so sad, not only because I feel she is making a mistake and he is so great for her, but because I have become so close with him. No one seems to understand why I am so heart broken, and I don't know how to cheer up right now. It makes me feel crazy.

Hi again @indymo how are you? I’d love to talk. I’m feeling very down for the same reasons as you. It feels awful.

 

[Loreli]

Is anybody looking at this thread? Hope everyone is well and being safe and smart with this virus.

 

[Coffeeluvr]

Is anybody looking at this thread? Hope everyone is well and being safe and smart with this virus.

Yes- I still check in once every few months. I hope you are doing well. I have intermittent contact with my daughter’s (5 years now) ex. Every time I do- I realize how much I miss him. He really is a part of our family still, despite having a fiancé now. He asks about my daughter usually. Which is funny because I know he follows her social media.
I try not to read too much into that, but my gut tells me that he still loves her. If you read my old posts- I know he told her that 2 years ago.
I’ve accepted that they will do what they want. All I can do is stay in touch. Which we do. And it’s not awkward or forced at all. I am very very grateful for that.

Coffeeluvr

 

[Loreli]

Yes- I still check in once every few months. I hope you are doing well. I have intermittent contact with my daughter’s (5 years now) ex. Every time I do- I realize how much I miss him. He really is a part of our family still, despite having a fiancé now. He asks about my daughter usually. Which is funny because I know he follows her social media.
I try not to read too much into that, but my gut tells me that he still loves her. If you read my old posts- I know he told her that 2 years ago.
I’ve accepted that they will do what they want. All I can do is stay in touch. Which we do. And it’s not awkward or forced at all. I am very very grateful for that.

Coffeeluvr

Hi Coffeeluvr. I cannot tell you how happy and comforted I am to see your reply. I was feeling so so so sad that I actually googled ‘why am
I soo sad’ and that’s how I found this thread. I cannot seem to figure out how to read all your comments which I really want to do. I think hearing others story will make me feel less stupid and less pathetic. And now with us all stuck in the house and I have no place to cry no place to hide and I don’t want to talk to anyone because my daughter hasn’t told people they are not together at the moment. Then today I found out more. Not gonna rant cuz I don’t know if you’ll see this but man. This sucks. It’s sucks a lot. A whole lot. And people make fun of a mom who cries at this. Why? I don’t get that part which is why I loves finding this thread. I plan to lay in bed and read it and hear others stories. Now my heart is broken and I just cannot think of life without him in our family. Etc etc. so much more to say.

 

[Loreli]

Hi Coffeeluvr. I cannot tell you how happy and comforted I am to see your reply. I was feeling so so so sad that I actually googled ‘why am
I soo sad’ and that’s how I found this thread. I cannot seem to figure out how to read all your comments which I really want to do. I think hearing others story will make me feel less stupid and less pathetic. And now with us all stuck in the house and I have no place to cry no place to hide and I don’t want to talk to anyone because my daughter hasn’t told people they are not together at the moment. Then today I found out more. Not gonna rant cuz I don’t know if you’ll see this but man. This sucks. It’s sucks a lot. A whole lot. And people make fun of a mom who cries at this. Why? I don’t get that part which is why I loves finding this thread. I plan to lay in bed and read it and hear others stories. Now my heart is broken and I just cannot think of life without him in our family. Etc etc. so much more to say.

Calling all broken hearted moms. Or moms that have gotten through this. I am stuck in the house and I want to cry. I’d love to hear others stories. Or chat and get some advice. Thanks for the earlier reply @Coffeeluvr . I wonder about others in this thread. It’s so old though. @connie1966? So sad and frustrated and helpless. And like so many of you have said, nobody knows this til it happens to them. So I don’t dare say a word to anyone. At least if I could go out and leave the house and be alone . But mostly I can’t. I’d love advice. Humph.

 

[Loreli]

Hello! I have to second the above poster- I just googled the subject “daughter broke up” and found this forum and I also don’t have chickens, LOL. I thought I was absolutely crazy to feel so sad and devastated about my daughter’s break up with her wonderful, sweet, kind BF. I have not cried this much in ages. It has only been a few days and I am trying so hard not to interfere, which means giving my daughter tons of space so she doesn’t hear my crying!! Anyway, hello all, and if anyone wants to share more, I am also here. So glad to know that I am not alone- thought I was losing it for sure!

Hi @Shami456
How are you? You probably won’t ever see this but I’ve been following this thread last few weeks. I would give anything to talk with you cry with you and hear your story and advice. If it weren’t for this forum I’d think I needed therapy.
if anyone is out there and wants to talk I’d love to hear from u.

 

[Coffeeluvr]

Hi Coffeeluvr. I cannot tell you how happy and comforted I am to see your reply. I was feeling so so so sad that I actually googled ‘why am
I soo sad’ and that’s how I found this thread. I cannot seem to figure out how to read all your comments which I really want to do. I think hearing others story will make me feel less stupid and less pathetic. And now with us all stuck in the house and I have no place to cry no place to hide and I don’t want to talk to anyone because my daughter hasn’t told people they are not together at the moment. Then today I found out more. Not gonna rant cuz I don’t know if you’ll see this but man. This sucks. It’s sucks a lot. A whole lot. And people make fun of a mom who cries at this. Why? I don’t get that part which is why I loves finding this thread. I plan to lay in bed and read it and hear others stories. Now my heart is broken and I just cannot think of life without him in our family. Etc etc. so much more to say.

Hi
If you click on Coffeeluvr, then click messages, you can read all of my old posts.
I feel for you. It's a horrible emotional place to be. And it helps a lot to vent on a blog to others who can genuinely empathize. It's a genuine grieving process that most people just don't understand. Once I was able to accept that fact, I was ok with my emotions and quit caring what other people thought, and I was able to be a little less angry and didn't isolate myself as much.
I still love and miss the guy. But it's more tolerable since we talk regularly now. I think my daughter missed out on a guy who genuinely loves her and was good for her. I am disappointed in many of her choices since they broke up. But I have to bury that, too, which is also very hard
I often feel that I'm being dishonest by acting as if I'm fine with her, when I don't actually like her right now. But I keep up the facade. And I keep myself super busy so as to not to think too much. Because then I start to cry again. And I still take my anti-depressants as a net to protect me from the rabbit hole of depression
We all have our secrets, and this is mine.
Please let me know how you are doing,
Coffeeluvr

 

[Loreli]

Wow! I don’t know how I didn’t see this. I feel like I look all the time. Yeah, I’ve read your posts now. Gosh I could be you. Stalking the social
Media, crying and trying to avoid everyone I know.
I actually took a drive today to be alone. My kids simply cannot see me like this. The big one told me flat out I need to get over it that I have issues. And the little one who broke up pretends she is ok.
I am queen of smothering my feelings but I can’t seem to do it this time. I love him. He says he loves her and she says she loves him. I’m a mess and I can’t kick it. I make an excuse to go to bed early every night then I lay they and try to cry but my tears won’t come. Then I pray. Then I beg. Then I wish I could cry. Eventually I fall asleep and wake up all night long. I can’t live like this forever. I need an IT friend like you have to help stalk! Omgosh that would be heaven. I have questions that I want answers too. I make a fake Instagram account that I have to get enough people on to make him wanna follow me. I just wanna see. I know all their pix are there of with each other still. My heart is broken and she screams if I reach out to him. He seems to use that as an excuse to reach out to her. I dunno..... they had a huge fight cuz he did something stupid several months ago and he did backflips to get her back. This time he’s not and that’s kind of bothers me but I can tell he’s taking stupid advice from his beer drinking dumbass friends. It’s not helpful. They were talking a lot then something happened. I have a sick feeling he kissed a girl. There’s a nasty girl who hates my dr and has been trying to wedge herself in between them. I’m sure sh has made herself everpresent. He isn’t that kind of guy but when hurt, or drunk and feeling hopeless who knows. It could also be a lie. Long trail of how she found out....could easily be untrue but she won’t confront him. She’s just got mean and won’t talk to him I think. She won’t talk to me either.
this has to end. I miss him terribly. I miss them. And I don’t like that now I have all those mom worries all over again....who is she with, where are their parents, so I know them, are u safe. We had the wedding planned! Well thanks for listening to the rant.Been sitting in a car now for three hours. Gonna mask and glove up and buy food. Then try to smile.
I know u don’t know me but your posts really help. Thank you. I wish we were sitting across from one another.

 

[Coffeeluvr]

Hi Coffeeluvr. I cannot tell you how happy and comforted I am to see your reply. I was feeling so so so sad that I actually googled ‘why am
I soo sad’ and that’s how I found this thread. I cannot seem to figure out how to read all your comments which I really want to do. I think hearing others story will make me feel less stupid and less pathetic. And now with us all stuck in the house and I have no place to cry no place to hide and I don’t want to talk to anyone because my daughter hasn’t told people they are not together at the moment. Then today I found out more. Not gonna rant cuz I don’t know if you’ll see this but man. This sucks. It’s sucks a lot. A whole lot. And people make fun of a mom who cries at this. Why? I don’t get that part which is why I loves finding this thread. I plan to lay in bed and read it and hear others stories. Now my heart is broken and I just cannot think of life without him in our family. Etc etc. so much more to say.

Hi- checking in to see how you are doing.
I actually do care.
Please feel free to vent. It does help to go through it with someone who can empathize. And rant all you want. I have literally about 500 pages of rants in hidden journals. Very intense and ugly stuff sometimes. Especially at the beginning. I figured it kept me from saying things out loud that I would later regret.
Take care. And you aren’t nuts- just having a relationship cut off without any say in it or control. It’s triggering a mother’s deepest instinct
Coffeeluvr

 

[Loreli]

Hi- checking in to see how you are doing.
I actually do care.
Please feel free to vent. It does help to go through it with someone who can empathize. And rant all you want. I have literally about 500 pages of rants in hidden journals. Very intense and ugly stuff sometimes. Especially at the beginning. I figured it kept me from saying things out loud that I would later regret.
Take care. And you aren’t nuts- just having a relationship cut off without any say in it or control. It’s triggering a mother’s deepest instinct
Coffeeluvr

Wow that is so kind and thoughtful of you to look at this and follow up. Some days I’m ok and I don’t feel as sad. And I feel in my gut that they will be together again. Then days when I feel so sad and I can’t stand it.
his birthday is coming up and my heart hurts because I want to do something nice. Maybe put some $ in his college bank account. But I can’t. And I don’t know if I’m ‘allowed” to say happy birthday.
I want to know if my daughter will say hb to him. And I don’t think I can ask her.
How are you? Do you still miss ‘them’?