Daughter broke up with boyfriend and I'm the one depressed!

[Yankr1]

Im going through the same thing, im losing my mind, i feel like im going through the break up im so depressed, i cry everyday i miss him so much, he lived with us for 1 1/2 he was like a son, i cant imagine a future without him, i feel like she abandoned him i don't get how she could just let him go.. they were together almost 3 years. im heartbroken

How are you doing Connie? Does it get any better?

 

[Yankr1]

Hi all. Hi @India1931 how are you? I’m needing a hug now from all of u here who get what we are each going through. Anybody there wanting to talk, share, vent about this topic? Some days are fine. Today isn’t one of them. I hope all are well.

I’ll talk! I can’t admit how I feel to anyone that I know. I think people will think I’m crazy.

 

[Yankr1]

Thank you for sharing. I miss my D’s BF so much! If you are still on her I would love to hear from you.

How long has it been for you?

 

[Yankr1]

Hi all. Hi @India1931 how are you? I’m needing a hug now from all of u here who get what we are each going through. Anybody there wanting to talk, share, vent about this topic? Some days are fine. Today isn’t one of them. I hope all are well.

Lorelei- how long has it been for you?

I’ll talk! I can’t admit how I feel to anyone that I know. I think people will think I’m crazy.

 

[Loreli]

Hi Yankr1!! Oh how happy I am to see your notes. I’m about to start in a zoom class but I will be writing to you later this eve. It’s all I have as well.... my heart is broken and sad to say the least.
I’m looking forward to a quiet moment to read and reply and let it out.
write all you want. I will reply. I get it 100%.

 

[Yankr1]

I can’t believe I found this subject on a chicken forum

 

[Loreli]

Hi Yankr1!! Oh how happy I am to see your notes. I’m about to start in a zoom class but I will be writing to you later this eve. It’s all I have as well.... my heart is broken and sad to say the least.
I’m looking forward to a quiet moment to read and reply and let it out.
write all you want. I will reply. I get it 100%.

Hi Yankr1....and of course all checking in here. Yeah what a topic. It feels so normalizing to find people going through the same thing. I wish there was a way to Pvt msg on this app only because as I know we feel the same about talking to local in person friends and family (basically I won’t) I’m fearful of somehow my d finding this. I guess it’s a needle in a haystack... but hey we’re we’re sad and aline feeling such that we found it! Lol.
you asked how long. It pains me to say. Just about a year
I miss him beyond words. Their relationship at this point is riddled with miscommunications and misunderstandings. I feel if I could sit them both down and act like a mediator.... or someone to help them hear each other they’d work it out. He misses and loves her. He tells me this. She says less and less and feels like I like I take his side. I’ve made so many mistakes over the last months trying to be respectful of my d but it’s only hurt things more.
I can go on for hours. What is your story? How long has it been? What happened. It’s healing to talk and to listen. So go for it.

 

[JrJedi]

I am just going to say it. This has gone on way too long, and you are way too involved with your daughter’s ex. Have you considered therapy?

Your daughter’s life has, in your mind, became OUR life. That is not healthy for either of you.

You’re waaaaayyyy too involved in this relationship. It is what YOU wanted, NOT what SHE wanted. You admit you now resent your daughter over it and the fact that this guy knows how you feel and imay be playing into it shows an unhealthy and manipulative trait. That is not someone ANY woman should get involved with, and perhaps that is why your daughter lost interest.

You don’t know everything that went on in their relationship. He may have said or done things you don’t know about. Your continued involvement has probably shut the door on her communication with you and now the last person she wants to share anything about him with is you. It’s a good bet that, regardless of how hard you’ve tried to hide your grief and resentment that she is well aware if it now. Because of your strong resction you may have cut off communication to the point where she’ll wonder if it is safe to discuss or share anything else about her life with you. Is this worth that? Really?

You are over-involved in your daughter’s private life. This is not a promising sign for a future marriage she’ll make.

Ask yourself: fo you want tobe a meddling mother-in-law? A meddling grandmother? You are on your way to morphing into a monster-in-law. You sound like a nice person - but if a teenage romance got you this upset, how revved up might you get over a marriage??? A grandchild’s birth????

Take a deep breath.
Take several deep breaths.

Your job as a parent is toget your child to a level of maturity and responsibility to make responsible decisions and lead her own life. You are not letting her do that; you are thinking of the life you want for her instead of the life she wants for herself. It is not healthy for either of you.

My relationship with my mother never recovered from her over-involvement in my breakup. She was convinced I had made the biggest mistake of my life. It affected how she regarded every other guy I dated. This is already happening to you, too. That is not fair to her future boyfriends and ESPECIALLY her future husband. He will be forever graded against the ex and fall short.

If you are this upset about her love life, what about when she becomes a parent??? How involved are you going to get in her parenting???

Play with me for a moment. You are your daughter, and your mom is you. Would you be excited, amazed and delighted about her being this involvement in your life?

Did your mother-in-law ever meddle in your marriage? If so, how did you feel about it? You are well on your way down that yellow brick road, sweetie. I don’t think that is what you want for yourself.

Kids will always make life choices their parents disaporove of, and mistakes their parents saw coming long before they did. THAT IS A FACT OF LIFE THAT WILL NEVER CHANGE. What you can, and should, control is how you react to it.

Their breakup is well over now and it sounds like she is moving on. You should do the same. You must make a choice here: him or her? That’s what it boils down to.

Do you have a major life regret that might be playing in here? Something unresolved? Could this not be about them at all? Your level of grief is disturbing and concerns me about your welfare.

I hope you find healing and peace, and it does not sound as if that is happening for you. It is obvious that you are a living parent and a compassionate person. This kind of pain and obsession are not healthy for you. Please consider taking steps so you can move on and be happy again. This situation is not good for anyone involved

 

[JrJedi]

I am just going to say it. This has gone on way too long, and you are way too involved with your daughter’s ex. Have you considered therapy?

Your daughter’s life has, in your mind, became OUR life. That is not healthy for either of you.

You’re waaaaayyyy too involved in this relationship. It is what YOU wanted, NOT what SHE wanted. You admit you now resent your daughter over it and the fact that this guy knows how you feel and imay be playing into it shows an unhealthy and manipulative trait. That is not someone ANY woman should get involved with, and perhaps that is why your daughter lost interest.

You don’t know everything that went on in their relationship. He may have said or done things you don’t know about. Your continued involvement has probably shut the door on her communication with you and now the last person she wants to share anything about him with is you. It’s a good bet that, regardless of how hard you’ve tried to hide your grief and resentment that she is well aware if it now. Because of your strong resction you may have cut off communication to the point where she’ll wonder if it is safe to discuss or share anything else about her life with you. Is this worth that? Really?

You are over-involved in your daughter’s private life. This is not a promising sign for a future marriage she’ll make.

Ask yourself: fo you want tobe a meddling mother-in-law? A meddling grandmother? You are on your way to morphing into a monster-in-law. You sound like a nice person - but if a teenage romance got you this upset, how revved up might you get over a marriage??? A grandchild’s birth????

Take a deep breath.
Take several deep breaths.

Your job as a parent is toget your child to a level of maturity and responsibility to make responsible decisions and lead her own life. You are not letting her do that; you are thinking of the life you want for her instead of the life she wants for herself. It is not healthy for either of you.

My relationship with my mother never recovered from her over-involvement in my breakup. She was convinced I had made the biggest mistake of my life. It affected how she regarded every other guy I dated. This is already happening to you, too. That is not fair to her future boyfriends and ESPECIALLY her future husband. He will be forever graded against the ex and fall short.

If you are this upset about her love life, what about when she becomes a parent??? How involved are you going to get in her parenting???

Play with me for a moment. You are your daughter, and your mom is you. Would you be excited, amazed and delighted about her being this involvement in your life?

Did your mother-in-law ever meddle in your marriage? If so, how did you feel about it? You are well on your way down that yellow brick road, sweetie. I don’t think that is what you want for yourself.

Kids will always make life choices their parents disaporove of, and mistakes their parents saw coming long before they did. THAT IS A FACT OF LIFE THAT WILL NEVER CHANGE. What you can, and should, control is how you react to it.

Their breakup is well over now and it sounds like she is moving on. You should do the same. You must make a choice here: him or her? That’s what it boils down to.

Do you have a major life regret that might be playing in here? Something unresolved? Could this not be about them at all? Your level of grief is disturbing and concerns me about your welfare.

I hope you find healing and peace, and it does not sound as if that is happening for you. It is obvious that you are a living parent and a compassionate person. This kind of pain and obsession are not healthy for you. Please consider taking steps so you can move on and be happy again. This situation is not good for anyone involved

An article on parents and breakups

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/home/you/article-1299722/Whose-break-A-warning-interfering-mothers.html

 

[karirivera]

My daughter recently broke up with her boyfriend of one year (they are both 24). We all embraced him as a member of the family, and he was welcomed to holiday dinners and vacations. The whole extended family was impressed by his wit, intelligence, and gentle nature. I saw how he adored my daughter, and she seemed crazy about him as well. I thought he was going to be "the one," but in the past month, my daughter hinted she was feeling overwhelmed and pressured for a committment she was not ready for. I advised her to speak with him and tell him how she felt, that perhaps they would both benefit from taking a few steps back. She broke it off entirely, and in speaking with her she feels she made the right decision. As a mother, I am of course supportive of her, but at the same time, I know he was devastated and my heart aches for him. I am so sad! Has anyone else experienced this?

Hello, I am going through the same thing. High school sweethearts, we grew to love this young man and he was part of our family, for real. My daughter decided to take time alone as she's in one state for college, him in another. She is NOT seeing anyone else. He is a sweet soul and I guess he didn't want to keep contact as he said it was too painful. I am not interfering but very sad about this! I totally understand how you feel.