Daughter broke up with boyfriend and I'm the one depressed!

[India1931]

I just dont know how to move on, is this normal to feel this way?! My daughter is happy I'm hurting and so is he. He loved her so much. This is so hard, i'm heart broken please someone tell me it gets better what should I do!!

 

[India1931]

I feel the same way toward my daughter I resent her , at this point I'm pretending to be ok with her as much as I could but deep down every time I see her going out and forgetting him it kills me I get so angry a mother knows ! Especially these days the men are not serious he was serious loving loyal everything a woman would like from a man , we don't speak about him at all, you shouldn't mention him to her unless she does first she will get annoyed and will close herself off , it will take time to get over it , I'm having such a hard time nobody gets me , they keep telling me to get over it like it's do easy to just forget someone you loved like a son for almost 3 years , and I will never get attached again I don't even want yo meet her next boyfriend , I'm sure your don will meet someone one day don't worry

Omg I resent my daughter for breaking up with him!! He is so loving and honest, he loved us all so much. My heart aches!!

 

[GemmaGA]

I think it's great that so many parents embrace the romantic endeavors of their children when they feel their child finds a good match, and someone that makes them happy and fits in well as part of the family.

That being said, even if your heart is broken as a parent because your child ended a relationship that you thought was going to end up being 'the one', you should really keep your feelings in check and not impose the distress/feelings on your child. Your child ultimately has to do what is best for them, and do what makes them happy - regardless of how much you liked the person they broke up with.

I think that as a parent, we should put our child's feeling first in this scenario - and our personal feelings about the person they broke up with should be just that. In my humble opinion, I don't think it's appropriate to continue reaching out/keeping in contact with your child's ex once the relationship has ended (either at your child's choice or the other person's). But that is my perspective.

 

[India1931]

I think it's great that so many parents embrace the romantic endeavors of their children when they feel their child finds a good match, and someone that makes them happy and fits in well as part of the family.

That being said, even if your heart is broken as a parent because your child ended a relationship that you thought was going to end up being 'the one', you should really keep your feelings in check and not impose the distress/feelings on your child. Your child ultimately has to do what is best for them, and do what makes them happy - regardless of how much you liked the person they broke up with.

I think that as a parent, we should put our child's feeling first in this scenario - and our personal feelings about the person they broke up with should be just that. In my humble opinion, I don't think it's appropriate to continue reaching out/keeping in contact with your child's ex once the relationship has ended (either at your child's choice or the other person's). But that is my perspective.

Thank you your post GemmaGA. I do understand that I should put my child's feelings firtst. Totally do! It's just when they want you to like this person they bring home and they want you have then over all the time, you start loving them like a family member and now I have lost him. He was a great boy and respected us so much.I'm so sad...

 

[India1931]

Im going through the same thing, im losing my mind, i feel like im going through the break up im so depressed, i cry everyday i miss him so much, he lived with us for 1 1/2 he was like a son, i cant imagine a future without him, i feel like she abandoned him i don't get how she could just let him go.. they were together almost 3 years. im heartbroken

O my gosh, this forum talking with other moms and reading these posts is just what I need. My 34 year old daughter, broke up with a wonderful man (he is 30) that has been in our lives for over 2 years, she was here with him in our home at Thanksgiving, and did this breakup in my home, the last day of the vacation. My husband and I never saw this coming. He adored her, and was perfect for her. She had been in 2 abusive relationships in the past, the last one lasted 5 years, and she was single for over 3 years until she met this new man. I prayed for a wonderful man to come into her life and he was the answer to our prayers. She states she still loves him, that she loves everything about him, his morals, tastes, humor, etc. They have wonderful time together (they did not live together), but lived a 30 minute drive from each other, but she has decided, she doesn't have an "emotional" connection with him. Needless to say, my house was a disaster last Sunday, all of us crying and sobbing, I am so grateful I got to say goodbye to him and let him know how we feel about him. I wrote a quick handwritten letter and put it in his suitcase before he left, I told him to call me anytime. He called me the next day. I was at work, burst into tears, had to run to my car to have this conversation. He told me he loves her with all his heart, and had planned on asking to marry her at Christmas. We talked for half an hour. I spoke with my daughter, and told her that she cannot bring people in our lives and then throw them out and expect us to just toss him out also. My husband and I thought of him as our son. I cannot let this go, I am crying, and break into tears when I think about him and how that day went. I know my daughter is hurting too, but she makes NO sense in her reasoning. I have no idea what is going on with her. I know I need to get over this, but I am heartbroken for this man. Thanks everyone for listening.

I’m going through the same thing I can’t stop thinking about this boy that my D broke up with. I’m so sad I can’t talk to anyone about this. I’m broken how do I move on my D has. I loved him like a son.

 

[India1931]

Punk a doodle,
Your advice to Lisa56 and Connie is wonderful. Thank you so much for helping. I got a lot out of your words as well.

Lisa and Connie, I can tell you that as bad as you feel right now, it will get better. I was in the same boat after our daughter's break up with a wonderful young man this past summer. They were together 4 yrs. She's 25, he's 30. We thought he was going to be our son in law (and more important, the father of future grand children). I realize now, of course, that I invested way too much into the relationship before I should have. No one's fault but my own and I've learned a few things about that. I do want to meet and know anyone in my daughter's future but I'll will be careful not to anticipate too much before she tells me he's the one.
But I do want you know that the hurt from your daughter's break up will ease in time. I still have sad days, but I'm much better now. I don't feel the heaviness of the loss. You are certainly not alone in what you're going through. It's an unusual kind of loss and one that not everyone can understand. Let me say one more time, it will get better. It helps that my daughter is so happy and she assures me the former boyfriend is doing well too. I know they will both be fine. So onward we go. We will always care about this young man, but I've been able to accept that he will not be in our family. I hope the days become easier for you both. I'm so thankful to have this forum and have been able to express my feelings to those who have been there.

Thank you for sharing. I miss my D’s BF so much! If you are still on her I would love to hear from you.

 

[Loreli]

Thank you for sharing. I miss my D’s BF so much! If you are still on her I would love to hear from you.

Hi! Wow I am so happy I looked at this thread. I haven’t posted in a couple months because I was feeling like I was talking to myself as others had stopped responding. But I am deeply grateful for this as well. Like so many here I badly miss my ‘son’ my daughters bf. So much has happened. So many updates. If anyone out there wants to share I’m all ears. Somehow I was logged out and so not getting notifications.
im interested all of your stories. They are healing and make me feel more normal. Like many have said...I don’t want to talk about this with friends- out of respect for my daughter.

 

[Loreli]

Lisa56, india1931 how are you? Are hype in touch with the ex’s? So hard not to reach out over the holidays. Not shopping for him hurts me deeply.

 

[Loreli]

Hi all. Hi @India1931 how are you? I’m needing a hug now from all of u here who get what we are each going through. Anybody there wanting to talk, share, vent about this topic? Some days are fine. Today isn’t one of them. I hope all are well.

 

[Yankr1]

I’m going through the same thing I can’t stop thinking about this boy that my D broke up with. I’m so sad I can’t talk to anyone about this. I’m broken how do I move on my D has. I loved him like a son.

I thought I was the only one!!! I’ve got tears in my eyes now. He broke it off with my daughter 5 months ago and my heart is still breaking. I think about him multiple times a day. They started dating in 10th/ 11th grade. They are now away at separate colleges. I wish I had a crystal ball to look into the future. I know in my heart that they still love each other. I have two older children and I’ve never felt this way about any of their relationships. I think it’s because they just haven’t met the right person. He was apart of our family and my daughter was apart of his. I saw them in the happily ever after. I’m hit really hard this weekend because the boyfriend‘s brother got married yesterday.