DH's good friend and his stupid dog-a vent! Warning...it's long!

[johnnyjack]

lol i might should stay outa this but im gona say it anyway. its just my own opinion. if there is beer you usualy will have trouble. i dont drink i grew up around it and it always leads to trouble.i would,nt let a man drinking in my house. much less around one of my kids. jmo

 

[Reinbeau]

Quote:
+1 - which means total agreement in other forums I read. I have come to abhor alcohol, for numerous reasons, and haven't bothered with it in over 15 years now. It ruined so much of my life, but that's a tale for another day.

 

[Rosalind]

Another piece of advice told to me by a very wise lady:

Power in any relationship is not divided along economic lines, nor it is determined by who luvs who more. It is not divided up 51/49 or 50/50 or 60/40. 100% of the power goes to the person most willing to walk away. Any professional negotiator (salespeople, lawyers, what have you) will tell you the same thing. If you are more willing to walk, ultimately you have all the power.

Now, this is not an ultimatum you throw around obviously, otherwise it becomes clear you're making an empty threat.

I have found it to be true in my own life, though: Most wives I know nag hubby to eat healthy and quit smoking, even going so far as to prepare meals just like mommy and report to the doctor and all that. I explained to DH that I was not his mommy and my contribution to his health was to pay his insurance premiums. Also that in the event of his death, the life insurance policy I had on him would pay off the mortgage--and while I would grieve for many years, surely my pool boy would comfort me. Wouldn't you know it, he switched to eating lots of veggies and grilled instead of fried, and even took up an active hobby for exercise.

 

[wischickenlover]

Well, the good buddy hasn't been over since the Thanksgiving Day episode.....he did, however, manage to call our house yesterday (Saturday) morning at 7am-on DH's and my day off (the only one we get). The machine picked it up, and we listened to it when we got up. It went something like this, "Hey!! Where are you guys? Get up out of bed and answer the phone!" I was livid. Who does this idiot think he is???? DH thought it was funny.....

I REALLY don't want him to show up here anymore-I am too angry. But if and when he does, I DO plan to tell him about the mess his dog made whether my DH likes it or not. (See, he had left in a hurry with the dog the last visit when it started puking-I found the mess in DD's room only just after he left). I ended up reluctantly tossing the comforter-it was making me physically sick to try and clean it off well enough to bring into the dry cleaner's. I don't handle the vomit thing real well. Especially THAT kind.

I think I have made my feelings quite clear to my DH. I don't think he is too happy about them, but thats too bad. It's my home too, and I work too hard and love my animals too much to put up with that crap. I have a feeling when he shows up again, there could be a showdown, but thats OK too, I have plenty to say....
Oh, and not meaning to get you all fired up...but....I forgot to mention the other thing that makes me crazy when this guy visits.
I have kids still at home who are 17, 11, and 10. Boys are 17 and 10, and my DD is 11. This guy will sit around and brag to my DH about all his sexual escapades for the week!! In DETAIL. Like it makes him cool or something. Not that I don't like sex, but there's a time and a place to discuss it-not the way he does and NOT AROUND MY KIDS!!!! Last time I bluntly told him that it was inappropriate to be talking that way, and I wanted him to use some discretion while my kids were around. Like he didnt even hear me-guess thats what the beer does to him, huh? HATE IT!!! Goes in one ear and out the other. GRRRRRRRRR

That said, I will keep you posted as the situation develops...stay tuned.

And thanks so much for everyone's helpful advice and words of empowerment-it really DID help a lot! Keep em coming if there's more!

Tiffany

 

[jjthink]

Shoot the A*****E.

(first thing that came to my mind - sorry! he's obviously a lower life form and I pray he doesn't procreate)

 

[joanm]

Quote:
What a looser this jerk is!!! I'd throw him out first, then the dog then the DH...

 

[lizardz]

What a difficult situation to be in. Lots of good advice here, but I'm going to add mine, too. Right now it seems like both of your egos are heavily involved in this, and when two egos go up against each other, nothing good is going to come of it. Hard as it may be, it's time to come from the heart with your husband and be vulnerable. Don't come at him with your anger, because, as you've seen, it will only cause him to put up his defenses more. Sit him down and say something like "It really saddens me that this thing with your friend and his dog is creating such a rift in our relationship. I want our home to be a place where family and friends are welcome, and right now I don't feel that way about your friend because I'm concerned about the safety of our chickens and cats. I would be heartbroken if anything happened to any of them. I'm also concerned about his seeming lack of regard for our home that we open to him. I'm concerned about what it's teaching our kids about relationships when he braggs about his sexual exploits, and I'm concerned about the things that we work hard for being ruined. I would like for him to be able to come over and me not be a b***h toward him, but right now I'm having a hard time with that since I feel he doesn't respect my feelings or our home. How can we solve this so that we can get our relationship back on track and I can feel welcoming to him when he comes over?"

Use your own words of course, but let him know how sad you are about this whole situation. Don't get angry, and if he tries to interrupt you to defend his friend, just say, calmly, "Please let me finish." Men are problem solvers - ask for his help in solving this problem.

Good luck. I hope you find something that works for you (I wouldn't completely rule out the gun!

)

Liz

 

[wischickenlover]

I am almost contemplating trying to have a rational discussion with DH's friend, and tell him how I am feeling, so then I am the bad guy. I think thats what DH's problem is-he doesn't want to be the bad guy, or the "killjoy", so to speak. I'm thinking I migt get further with a on-on-one with the friend. What do you all think?
Let me also throw in that it's usually the alcohol speaking whenhe starts being an a**

 

[hsm5grls]

DH friend sounds chauvinistic. It does not matter what you say cause you are just the "women" Of the house. My DH has had friends like that and until your DH lets him know that what you say in your house has weight he will continue his disrespect. He just thinks you are the naggy wife. It is up to your DH to tell him that he must respect you and your children. That is just my own opinion and experience. Some men just don't respect women and feel that unless it is coming from the man of the house it doesn't matter.

 

[chicks rule]

Quote:
Exactly, I was married to a guy like this, He worked nightshift and I would never know who might be passed out on my couch when I woke up, he would bring guys over at 2 in the morning and could have cared less about me or the kids. He has the attitude that he can do as he darn well pleased and the heck with the family, he hasn't figured out yet that is why he lost his wife and kids, go figure. Good luck to you, and I hope your DH sees the light.