I've had one of the worst days today. I had an hour long orthodontist appointment that led to my teeth still being sore right now, I've been holding in feelings of malice towards quite a few people for quite some time, but it's all starting to leak out now in the form of cusses and general insults, and I can't stand people in general right now. Most of the time, when I feel like this, I still listen to my friends' problems and give them advice and hug them. A friend texted me a few minutes back, saying that he needed to rant. I just told him no. I think I need a nice, quiet evening where I eat some ice cream and baked potatoes (one of my favorite foods) and watch anime and silly videos on the internet for some well deserved downtime. Should I feel bad about telling my friend no? I've listened to him pretty much every other time.
While I don't blame you for not wanting to deal with it right now because of your own stresses, maybe you could tell him, "Hey sorry about earlier, I just have a lot on my mind at the moment. Can we talk about the problem you're having tomorrow?" Or, just not answer his text. That way there are no hurt feelings, you can text back later and say you just saw his text. Lying a little, yes. Sparing feelings, also yes.
No, you don't always have to be in the mood to listen, I was in the dentist office for 3 HOURS yesterday, novacain was wearing off, had my own little shop of horrors going on, the last thing I needed was to listen to someone else's problems. Sometimes there needs to be a little "me time" Even my dogs understood, they were great snugglers yesterday!
When things calm down and you feel more yourself, you might apologize to him and explain where you were coming from. Before you can be right for others, you have to be right with yourself. I hate dental pain and can relate. Sourland who also somtimes over reacts in interpersonal things.
No you should not feel bad with you having so much on your mind you would not have been able to give him the best advice. Just let your friend know that was a bad day for you and you wanted to have a clear head before helping him or her with their problem.
I only wish I had learned to do that a long time ago. I've always tried to be there for everyone, help anyone, and often it ends up being at the expense of....me. I wind up feeling overwhelmed or anxious because I've committed to or agreed to help so many people that I'm exhausted and don't have the time to rejuvenate myself. I'm finally learning to take care of myself so that I can take care of others better, but it was a hard lesson to learn and I admire anyone who learns it sooner than I did.
I agree with the others.. Just contact him tomorrow or when you feel better and tell him you just wernt feeling well at all. And next time maybe just dont answer the text until you feel better..
Quote:This I agree with!!! EC sometimes you just need time for YOU. Honestly, it is OK to say no when you just can't do it.
Ever notice when someone rants they are releasing that negative engery onto you? People feel better once they let it out,but you are tense and [email protected]?!? Good to take a break. I am a listener.Away telling people,"Go ahead let it out." The key to survivng this is to find a way to release that negative vibe once they fill you up with it.Excerice is great for this. Talk to those annoying you.Keep in mind the *I feel* instead of *you piss me off*.... say," I feel sad,angry,worried....when you do those things." Hope you feel better soon!
I agree with the previous posters.... There's no problem with saying you don't have the emotional or mental energy to listen to somebody else's problems. If you feel that you said it in a rude way, by all means apologize, but if they don't understand that you need some downtime every now and again, THEY'RE the rude one.
