Did I handle this wrong? :(

[Zookeeper9000]

Well sounds like you will have to be the adult here. Your Mom sounds like she is tired to me. Maybe you should set down and talk to your Mom about setting up rules, regulations and bounderies for your sister to follow and let your Mom know that you expect to her enforce them as well. Let your Mom know that you are there and will back her up on this and that you expect her to back you as well. Stop that girl from hitting your mother, and all other abuse. You keep taking the stand you are and encourage your Mom to take a stand as well.

Good luck praying for you and yours, you will have a rough few months but stick too it and your sister as well as the rest of the family will benifit.

Guilt comes with having to be the heavy but remember that it is for the good of the whole family here.

 

[Bex]

Harley's girl :

you said you got pregnant at 13!!! Goodness, no child should have to go through that! I sure hope you can reach her before it is too late!

Good luck to you!!

One thing I learnt is that I take responsibility for my actions. While my Mom was not harsh and that may of not helped the situation it was finally my doings that got me into the situation.

I am glad to see that I handled it okay.. I still feel like a child myself, lol! I definitely do not want to raise her. She's not mine, she's my Moms. I hate to step in like that, because I feel "out of place" and like I'm "playing" mom.

She doesn't respect anyone here. She will spit in my face and call me names, she "shows off" in front of friends - Yes, my mom allows her to stay at friends houses even with this attitude of hers. Just last weekend she threw a fit in front of a friends house when we were trying to pick her up and leave. She wouldn't let mom get out of the car, she was shutting the door on moms legs, she wouldn't get in the back seat, etc. Her friend and her friend's mom were extremely embarrassed. Before that she had thrown a fit in a store while looking for a dress for this Friday night play she is going to - guess what, she's still going!! Mom's reason? "I already paid the $60 for her to go."

She doesn't even respect my fiance - he has been nothing but nice to her, never called her name, never disrespected her, he has never even said anything while she is having her "fit". But when he is not around, she talks badly about him, when she sleeps on the couch, she sleeps in a t-shirt and underwear, uh! Hello, there is a guy in this house who does not want to see that.

My mom is tired.. But my sister is also her "baby" as she puts it. After awhile I may not be here, she may just run me and my fiance away, so to speak. She is driving us all crazy!

Edit to add:

Last night after her fit while she was crying about it being later than 9:30, she took paper, and wrote things like "I hate everyone." "I want to strangle them." "Hatred" and then she drew knifes with blood and stuff. It is things like that, that are really what makes me worried. I do not know if it is for attention, or if she could really be "that" type of person.​

 

[Katy]

Is there anyway that you could convince your mom to speak to the school counselor about your sister? In fact, what is her behavior at school? If she's behaving herself at school it seems to me that it shows she can control her behaviors and knows that she's the one running the show at your house. If she's acting out at school too there's probably some deeper issues going on with her.

 

[Bex]

She does perfectly fine at school - she gets good grades, behaves, she is always on time, etc.

 

[jbowyer01]

I'm so sorry to hear that this has fallen on your shoulders but you handled it beautifully. I believe you mother is tired and it is easier to be an enabler than to be a disciplinarian. Being a parent is not an easy job and when you put a kid on restriction or take things away from them it makes it even more difficult but nobody ever said being a parent is easy. Mom probably also doesnt want her daughter to hate her (or feel like she hates her). Is there any way to get everyone (yes everyone) into some kind of counseling? You mother needs it as well as you and your sister. I wish you luck. If you make consistant rules (and explain the consequences if the rules are broken) and stick to them with no wavering then you'll be one step ahead of the game.

 

[WriterofWords]

Quote:
She knows she has structure at school and her behavior will not be tolerated. I have students that behave great here and are worse than your sister at home. My students are 11 - 12, have no structure, parents that expect me to "train" them and send them home angels.
I'm glad you've seen the error of your ways and are trying to help your sister. Make sure you tell your mom you regret your behavior in the past, and stress you are there to HELP her not raise your sister, that is your mother's job.
You'll do a good job I'm sure, but don't let it take over your own life and you do NOT have a penance to pay for your past behavior.

 

[BayCityBabe]

You are trying, that is clear. I have had my own trials & tribulations as an older sister and as a step-parent. I wanted to give my sibs and my step-kid the "good" (firm) parenting that I didn't see in my mom or the step-kid's mom. It doesn't work that way. What I know is that since you aren't the parent, you cannot impose alot of structure on the situation. I couldn't. You cannot fix Mom's ability to parent. I couldn't.
First, you need to be realistic about what you can impact, here. Your mom is going to nurture bratty behavior. You know this, right? You probably also have a sense of how little sway you hold in this regard. You cannot undo what your mom has made. Sister is going to act out with mom. It is mom's job to enforce the bedtime. This is not your fight. I get the feeling that you are really frustrated and afraid for your sister. "If only someone would set limits!" You can't. (Be patient, I will get to 'can".) I don't think that you fighting with your sister will serve as a suffient substitute for good parenting. What is she learning? I couldn't understand what purpose was served by you disabling the cell phone. You're not the parent that gave her the phone. Again, it's not your fight.
What you can do is be a really good role model. You can show her how reasonable people behave. You can refuse to "go there" with her. You can refuse to be pulled in by your mom, too. It sounds like mom is looking for you to fix things or step in. Sister is not your kid! You will get much farther with her if you give up the role of Disfunctional Co-Parent and just be her sister. You can befriend her and give advice. You have been through soooo much. I imagine you have a ton of wisdom to share. Don't worry about the structure. There are plenty of us who ran amok as kids and grew to be solid citizens. What sister needs is a refuge from the craziness that your mom seems to enable. You can be the "Not Crazy". :aww

 

[Katy]

Quote:
Just shows she know exactly what she's doing when she's at home. She's only doing it because it's been allowed. Unless your mom decides it's time for a change she'll continue to do it. I admire you for being willing to step up and try to help.....but it shouldn't have to be your job.

 

[English Chick]

WELL DONE YOU!!!! stick to your principles..you are doing a great job, she needs to learn respect for herself and others...life is a two way street...and you are showing her the right way admirably! stick to your guns....congrats and KEEP up the good work....

 

[Guitartists]

Bravo.... you stuck to your guns and in the future, when she's mature enough to understand, she will thank you! Good luck though , my mother is an enabler.. thank God I'm an only child!!!! It's almost impossible for them to change how they deal with people, especially their children... but at least you can set an example of responsible parenting, even if it is your sister.

Kids need guidelines, structure and consequences if they are to grow into responsible adults.