Okay, I read on hear that a way to tell the sex of a turkey is to whistle. The tom will become defensive and puff up and gobble. The hen will run for cover. So I got DH out in the yard and told him to whistle at our two turkeys. Well, I guess he hasn't whistled in a while, and it's a 'use it or lose it' kinda thing. He got one of the roosters to cluck, but a yardful of chickens, ducks, and turkeys just looked vaguely interested for a while, then resumed destroying the lawn. I found a whistle and tried that, which got a lot more clucking from the rooster, but the other birds just sort of tried to slowly exit the scene. I followed the turkeys around, shrieking with the whistle, and they shrugged and sauntered off. I started whistling and clapping my hands. They looked at me and moved a little quicker to get away. I whistled, clapped my hands, and LUNGED at them. They moved quicker. Then I found myself RUNNING around the yard, whistling, and clapping my hands, chasing these two turkeys who were, I swear to God, snickering. After, oh, four times around the yard, I finally gave up. And they say turkeys are stupid.