Did I provoke my neighbor into this?

[Chicky Tocks]

Quote:

ROFLMBO And if you can't find this chicken, you can record it's crow and play it over a loudspeaker in your yard.

 

[NancyDz]

Jennie,

So sorry to hear you are going through this.

To me it sounds like your neighbor has really low self-esteem and needs to bring others down
just so he feels better. He may also see you as a threat because you are such good friends with his wife and kids. He needs control right now as he doesnt have anything else in his life. He needs to get a job and feel useful and maybe he'd mellow out some. I do think you should file a report with the police though as his behavior seems to be escalating and if anything else happens it would be good for it to be documented. I don't think he is going to mellow out anytime soon as this behavior has become his "job" Please consider filing some kind of report/complaint with the authorities. Bting all your emails/facebook printed out and also your county ordinances about your zoning.

Take care,

Nancy

 

[Jennie5193]

Thanks for the hug Nancy, I needed it.

 

[Brindlebtch]

Oh Jennie! I am SO sorry this is happening! It sounds absolutely dreadful. I agree with Nancy. File a report with the police. The guy is obviously harrassing you and you are within the law. I would just go on over to the police station to file, he doesn't need to know you did it. You can even hand over a disc with all the documented harrassment on it, if the police there are high tech enough. If the harrassment continues you can add to the report or file new ones. If anything strange happens around your house that you think might be caused by him, call the police and ask them to come out to document it.

Document document document. It sounds like the guy has serious issues and too much time on his hands and just enjoys being hateful A truly unpleasanr person. No wonder he doesn't have a job. Unfortunately he probably will use his wife and kids to hurt you. He isn't a wife abuser, is he? Sounds like a really good time for a really tall very accurately placed privacy fence.

I do like the 'big smile and wave' idea, but it would probably just provoke him.

Best of luck with this whole situation. Hugs hugs pats pats and all my best wishes!

 

[Eggzactly]

Just do your homework about your town laws.Sorry to hear that you live next to archie bunker

 

[mediazeal]

Jennie,
I'm concerned the guy has a mental health problem. He's spirling down and showing his depression as agression.
I think you need to stop worrying about the power struggle
He's completely trapped in it, looking for some small place he can be the big man since he has lost everything.

You need to look at him as handicapped, not an equal and not a rival. If you saw him as handicapped and not quite in his right mind, how would you change how you are dealing with him?

Do not make yourself his target. Cool the problems between you as best you can.

Take the highest road you can.

If his wife is your best friend, do it for her and your chickens. The more this guy escalates, the more dangerous he becomes in my mind.

I would treat him with concern, not anger.
Any threats would be documented and reported.
I would tell the cops that he is looking like he is getting really depressed and aggressive if this keeps up.

I encourage you to look for ways to do what you call 'backing down' since this is a silly fight to start with. I do want to say, he's been ugly to you. He's a master at getting under people's skin. But you are rewarding him by letting it bother you and escalate. It makes him feel powerful. The longer he can keep it going, keep you upset, the more powerful he feels. It's pathetic. And since he is a master, you like many of us would, fell into his trap. You have to get out of it. He is too sick to end this. You have to.

I might say something like, I think I over-reacted to your first email and I'm sorry I did that. I'm sorry for my part on letting this get out of hand. I will do everything I can to keep my chickens out of your yard and not bothering you. Let's stop this stuff now. I know you are a better man than this as well.

I know you won't want to say that but I'm worried he will go postal at some point. And you don't want to be a target of it. It costs you nothing to take the high road. This is not a person you need to have an honest to goodness, good feeling, glad he likes me and we worked that out moment with. You just need to stop him perseverating about you. Find a way to do it as a strategy for peace. We don't care that he is an a$$. Just understand he's handicapped.

I think the preacher would join me in saying the best thing you can do is to start praying for him. The guy is in trouble. Maybe he will just keep being nasty and depressed. But this is also the profile of someone who gives up and goes postal.

 

[ruth]

Quote:
Wow, is all I can say. I'm blown away - wow! You doused a child with pepper spray for looking through the fence? And you consider them to be the bad neighbors? No wonder they moved.

 

[ruth]

Quote:
This information is BIG news. His wife is your best friend, their child is your child's best friend and this is how you handled it? You asked for an opinion on whether or not you provoked it - my opinion would be a great big YES. If my best friend's husband, and child's best friend's father, sent me that e-mail I would have gone next door to talk to him face to face. Did he come off sounding like a jerk? Yes, but so did you. It's not letting someone walk all over you to do the Christian thing or neighborly thing and go talk to your friend/neighbor over what is upsetting him - especially since you knew his wife and child would have to pay for your childish reaction.

So now you're losing a friend and your child is losing a friend because both of you have drawn a line in the sand and refuse to back down and work things out. I fear it's going to get really, really ugly from here on out. And you still have to live next door to them. I know I would walk on hot coals for my children and my friends and would not have chosen the path you did. It's never too late to work things out and that would be my advice.

 

[countrybum]

I say post his email for us and we will all email him a message or two.

 

[sueg6255]

countybum , I was thinking the same thing.