Thanks for the encouraging responses. I was an ICU nurse for over ten years....I've seen lots of suffering and death. I'm more familiar with humans. With a chick it's hard to know if it's something that can get better or not. It's sometimes hard to judge suffering, too. She was in the shell too long. I should have taken her out. I was afraid that it would kill her, though....but waiting actually did. She was a semi-large chick in a smallish egg. The EE who is lovingly called "The General" out of this hatch was just as big but came out of a much larger egg. The twisted girl was the first to pip. Then I waited 18 agonizing hours doing little to help. I did help eventually, but it was too late. Another also pipped with her but was not progressing. I was able to 'see' more with that chick, and did do more to remove parts of the shell. That chick came out OK. Being very new to this (this was my second batch in the incubator...the first only 2 hatched), it's hard to know *what* to do in terms of helping when they don't progress or not. The first batch in the incubator, 3 of the 4 eggs that didn't hatch had babies in them. 2 of those looked like they were ready to come out. So I wanted to get more aggressive with the chicks that pipped then seemed to tucker out, but everything I read said not to. This is HARD. My retirement dream was to farm. Well, it came early because I'm now disabled. I'm thankful I have so much help from my spouse and son in caring for them so that I can still have part of my dream. Watching the beginning of life with these chicks... hearing them chirping IN the shell...rocking their egg... it's SO very cool!! I swear, The General came out of the shell running the show. Barely able to stand, she/he still supervised and helped with the hatching of every other chick in this hatch. She's STILL this way. I know who her mother is, so it's not surprising. The twisted girl was sweet, wanted to be held. Both the white and wheaten are this way. The Rooster for all is a very nice Blue Laced Red Wyandotte, so other than calm and collected...he only brings beauty to the chicks. I have Blue Laced Red Wyandotte chicks from this hatch that I'm keeping... because I only have one roo and one hen right now. The roo is show quality, and they both are beautiful. The Barred Rocks I'm going to phase out because they seem to be everywhere...and the cockerels can be an issue to sell because of their nature as roosters. Matthew (my BR Rooster) is very large, very protective of his girls, and is just STUNNING. When I took him to the vet, all the girls in the office were just going nuts over him. He was still very docile (was younger and away from his hens). Now he's older, and just changing water and food can be a dangerous mission, lol! He reminds me of the old Kellogg's Corn Flakes box. The rooster that was on there? It was different 30 plus years ago, and every time I see Matt crow.... I'm transported back to my grandparent's farm in the early night. The barn lights on, the crickets chirping so loud... and me eating Corn Flakes in my pajamas before I went to bed. (I had stomach issues since birth and had to eat small amounts many times each day.) That farm was a personal oasis for me growing up. The home I bought (although I have much less land) reminds me so much of their farm that I have deja vue frequently. Not the disturbing kind, but the kind that puts you at peace. I also have 2 Nigerian Dwarf goats. One I got at 3 days old. What an experience! My grandfather was a farmer, although he didn't do livestock. One of my aunts had a farm with her husband, and he did do livestock. My mind has slowed since having some small strokes. I'm finding that the slower life is perfect for what I want to do now. Just trying to cope with the death and hard choices in the midst of so much miracle of new life is hard. It's a little hard (especially when ribbed by other poultry farmers) when I cry and feel so much guilt when I lose a chick. It does ring true, though, that it's surprising that so much goes right. Sorry for rambling! Thank you, though, for asking and understanding. I feel responsible for each and every life started on this farm. When I make the choice to hatch instead of put in the fridge to sell as part of a dozen; the responsibility for that potential life begins. Maybe someday it will just be a 'business', but for now it's a small farm business run like they're all my pets. I can't wait to incubate my Blue Copper Marans, but so far I've sold every egg they've laid as a hatching egg. Good for building business, but I suck at patience, lol! This is a difficult adventure, but one I'm very grateful to have had the chance to experience! I've learned a LOT from here... even if I don't post much...I'm reading! Thank you again.
PS...also true, I would have felt guilty no matter what. Only difference is I wouldn't wonder about the prolonged suffering. Instead, I'd wonder if she would have been saved.
I am so sad that she died. She had that "fighter" look in her eye. I would have kept her for myself. Now, I can only keep her in my heart.
