Do I not have a right to be mad?

[jerseygirl1]

I'm sorry for your loss,I lost my mom three years ago, and you know, it is always in the back of your head, forever and ever
It stinks that they pass on, because you grow up with them there every minute of every day, and we think that they shold be here forever
You need to grieve, and yes, you have a right to be angry
She was YOUR mom
DO NOT feel guilty about anything, you have done nothing wrong, stick to your guns
Sounds like your grandpa is in denial, he will or won't get over it, but you did nothing wrong
Your aunt sounds selfish

 

[the4heathernsmom]

I am sorry for you and your family. I know how you feel we had similar situations in our family as well. I handled it the best I could and simply told the offending family members that I honored my loved ones wishes you have a right to feel as you wish but you do not have a right to project it onto me. Love you but I cannot handle your treatment of me so when you are ready to treat me as who I am without insult or injury ti my emotions and feelings then we can resume our relationship until then I am grieving and will continue to do so and out of respect for myself you need to quite simply leave me alone and keep your thoughts to yourself because I am hurting. As for your mother's ring I agree with an earlier post in simply saying I am honoring my mother's wishes I hope you can understand and please do not ask me about it again as I AM GRIEVING AND do not NEEED any added STRESS. Sounds like you handled things well but honey you have to put your foot down sometimes and make people who don't want to see wake up and see you will not be pushed around and after all it is YOUR MOTHER not some distant relative here. Sorry did not mean to get on my soapbox there but I have been there done that and if you don't out your foot down now these relatives will continue to push and run over you.

 

[thechickenchick]

Quote:
Very well said!!

 

[Eggs4Sale]

"If they can't come and see me when I am alive they don't need to see me when I'm dead."

How true.

I have no advice on the ring. It sounds like this is only the beginning of a long struggle with them.

 

[TipsyDog]

What HorseJody said. She always gives the best advise!

I just want to add that I too believe the wishes of the deceased should always be followed as far as burial or cremation goes. BUT I've learned to get over it. My grandmother wanted to be buried in a grave with grandpa. She took care of and visited that grave for almost 30 years and when she died my uncle had her cremated. I was not happy, but I never said anything. As the years passed I've learned that sometimes the living need to do what they believe as part of their grief process. Once we're gone does it really matter what anyone does with your body? The whole funeral process really is just for the living anyway.

Please don't get too upset at your grandpa. This is a very fresh wound to all of you and it will get better over time.

 

[danielle82]

I am sorry. It does sound like you are in the middle of something. Could you tell your aunt that the ring was something you wee hoping to keep as it meant a lot to your mom?

 

[tonini3059]

Thanks everyone for the advice and for your own stories! It really helps to hear outside opinions. I am just at a loss and do not know what to do. The whole experience was traumatic I have never seen a person die before and I was talking to my mom and giving her a kiss right before she died, so I feel that in some way I "killed" her even though I know I did not. I relive the horrible night before she died over and over again. I do not sleep unless I take some Nyquil. Last night I forgot to take it and I woke up at 3am and have been up ever since. I know it is not good, but I don't know what else to do. I know I am depressed, but I have a right to be and I don't feel like going to the doctor right away and talk about it. I go out and do things so I am not that bad so eventually I will go and see what I can do about the sleep thing.

 

[wegotchickens]

Quote:
I have been grateful for my crummy sinuses because I had a reason to take something most every night. I passed the 2-month mark on 10/24 and have only had 2 unmedicated nights.
Did you know Benadryl is in Tylenol PM as the sleep ingredient? A friend who was widowed was told by her doctor that she could take that every night, since she objected to being prescribed something. And with the benedryl there's no alcohol and other ingredients that Nyquil has. You might give it a try...
I did get something prescribed, since my family was adamant about it. Worst night's sleep I had EVER. So I stick with the over-the-counter stuff now.

And if you can, take naps on the sofa or easy chair. You rest but don't get as deep into the dream sleep. You don't have to get all your sleep at night, and I think night is the lonliest and saddest time there is.

Keep the ring, avoid those who make you miserable, eat nutritious foods, sleep when you can, and cry when you need to. Vent when you can! That's been my recipe for survival. That and Facebook games to distract me when I can't shut my brain off.

 

[Jess N Jeff]

Quote:
Sorry for your loss and your sadness. Some people can handle grief better then other...It would seem that he is not handling it very well. Just know that your mother would be happy that you did what she wanted. That is really all that matters. Try to think about her being happy with your choices and imaging her giving you a big hug. You deserve it!

 

[raroo]

Quote:
Quote:
I have been grateful for my crummy sinuses because I had a reason to take something most every night. I passed the 2-month mark on 10/24 and have only had 2 unmedicated nights.
Did you know Benadryl is in Tylenol PM as the sleep ingredient? A friend who was widowed was told by her doctor that she could take that every night, since she objected to being prescribed something. And with the benedryl there's no alcohol and other ingredients that Nyquil has. You might give it a try...
I did get something prescribed, since my family was adamant about it. Worst night's sleep I had EVER. So I stick with the over-the-counter stuff now.

And if you can, take naps on the sofa or easy chair. You rest but don't get as deep into the dream sleep. You don't have to get all your sleep at night, and I think night is the lonliest and saddest time there is.

Keep the ring, avoid those who make you miserable, eat nutritious foods, sleep when you can, and cry when you need to. Vent when you can! That's been my recipe for survival. That and Facebook games to distract me when I can't shut my brain off.

for both of you!!