Do You Want Free Eggs........THE WINNER IS>>> on pg. 5

[Lucky Ducky]

Well then here's what you do, tell me a funny joke or story (KEEP IT CLEAN, PLEASE). I'll pick the funniest one and that will be the winner!

There are really no rules. You can tell me your joke/story but still want to nominate someone else. As long as they will want the eggs that's fine with me.

I have:
pen 1: crested blue swedish drake, fawn & white indian runner drake, buff duck and blue swedish duck (not crested)
Both ducks had hatched out babies, the buff hatched 7 out of 8 and the blue swedish hatched out 10 of 10 (one of which was a black swedish

).

pen 2: black bantam frizzle roo with splash bantam cochin hen, golden laced bantam hen and a partridge x buff bantam cochin hen

pen 3: oegb roo with 2 oegb hens, bantam golden laced roo with 2 golden laced hens and dominque roo with a australorp hen

pen 4: pearl guinea roo with pearl guinea hen and slate guinea hen

WE've hatched out babies from ALL of the pens. So they are definitely fertile.

I will send a box full of eggs( no exact number, just as many as I can fit in a 12" x 12" box). I can tell you that it will be more than 15 eggs, probably more than 2 dozen. I will send this box out Monday morning. I will leave out the guinea eggs if the winner doesn't want them but you can't choose other than that (ok, so there is one rule

). These are totally free, I will pay the shipping. It starts now and ends 12 p.m. mountain time on Sunday. I will announce the winner by 3 p.m. I want lots of laughs.

And it starts now!!!!

 

[giasmom]

I was in the grocery story the other day and was talking to a friend of mine, then her littlest son walks up & asks us "What are ya'll talking about?" she proceeds to tell him that we are discussing our finances. He looked really confused, So I asked him "Do you have any troubles with your finances? He looked really puzzled again, then says very serious like " NO mam, Just red antses" !!!! We both bout fell over laughing so hard !!!

 

[twzlrwho]

So the kids and I are at grandmas house sitting on her porch. A bottle of scented lotion sits on the table we are sitting around. My 5 yr old says "What's that?". I say it's my lotion but it will attract the bugs (trying to deter her from wanting to try it). She turns to me without batting an eyelash and says "why do you want bugs?". LOL My mom and I hit the floor. That clearly didn't play out like I had planned.

 

[horsejody]

This one happened when I was a little kid. It was October and we were all fighting in the back of the car as usual. We were driving by a stand selling pumpkins. Dad tried to distract us by saying, "Look at the pumpkins!" His head was turned and just as he said it, he rear ended a pumpkin truck. We ended with the hood of the car covered in pumpkins. Of course, us kids thought it was a strange way of looking at the pumpkins.

 

[giasmom]

This is an old one.... A golfer and his buddy Bobby head out to play a round of golf on Saturday. When the golfer gets home his ol' lady asks him how his day & game went. "Bad really bad" he says. "Bobby had a heart attack on the 4th hole". "thats horrible" his ol' lady says. "You ain't telling me nothin' " he said. " It was awful, for 14 holes, it was hit the ball, drag Bobby, hit the ball, drag Bobby !!!!

 

[DuckLady]

Fun thread!

Just want to remind everyone to keep it family friendly and clean. Thank you.

 

[jbowen9]

A Tennessee senior citizen drove his brand new red Corvette convertible
out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 100
mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.

'Amazing,' he thought as he flew down the I-40 interstate ,
pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a
State Police patrol car behind him, blue and red
lights flashing. He floored it to 120mph, then 130, then 150.

Suddenly he thought, 'What am I doing? I'm too old for this,' and
pulled over to await the Troopers arrival.

Pulling in behind him, the Officer walked up to the Corvette, looked
at his watch and said, 'Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday.
If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll
let you go.'

The gentleman paused, then said, 'Years ago, my wife ran off with an
State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back.'
'Have a good day, Sir,' replied the Officer

 

[chickenbottom]

this is on another thread thats closed but i still think its my most dreadful moment lol
ok well it was a few years ago i was about 13 or 14 when i use to take karate well one day we were just fooling around like normal teenagers about 9 of us and the teacher and we were just seeming how limber or flexible we are well fist the teacher did a split and me as a big shot said thats nothing look at this so all eyes were on me.... then i put one leg behind my head and everyone started clapping then i so boldly said im not finished lol i grabbed the other leg and right as my other leg went behind my head i let out a MONSTER AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH it was so embarrissing i was struck with laughter and tears i guess thats what i get for being so bold. luckily it didnt pass around to anywhere other than that karate school lol and there it is

 

[DuckLady]

Warning #2.

Folks, telling funny jokes is all fine and good, but they need to be appropriate for all ages and CLEAN, as I stated already in this thread.

I cleaned the thread for the last time. If it needs cleaning again, the thread will not be reopened.

 

[gocrow77]

here is mine:

Bad relationships
Two Yuppettes were shopping. When they started to discuss their home lives, one said,

"Seems like all Alfred and I do anymore is fight. I've been so upset I've lost 20 pounds."

"Why don't you just leave him then?" asked her friend.

"Oh! Not yet." the first replied, "I'd like to lose at least another fifteen pounds first."

Good luck everyone!