Does wanting to live different mean I am such a mean mom?

[OldGuy43]

While I applaud your attempt to raise your children as kids used to be, I would feel remiss if I didn't point out two salient facts;

First, there is a price to be paid for being different. I learned this back in the late 70's when I decided I wanted to have long hair and a beard. Since I was in my late 30's at that time, I made this decision as an adult Knowing full well that jobs would be harder to find, I would be treated differently and some people would make fun of me for being "different". My point is that I made this decision for myself with the knowledge that there was that "price to be paid".

The second is the fact that the world is not what we wish it to be, but what it is. This is the world that your children will have to live in. Not ours, but theirs.

The question that you must ask yourself is, "Is it fair for me to force my children into a mold that no longer fits today's society?" I'm not suggesting that it is a better mold, just that it is definitely different. After all, long after you and I are gone they will have to live in the world as it is. It's one thing to make your children do without for monetary reasons. It's another to do without for the sake of doing without. Are you willing to have them remembered 30 years from now as the weird kids who didn't have a Play Station?

I have a friend who I think the world and all of who doesn't come to my home because I don't air condition. I had another, many years ago who, when he came to visit would become visibly nervous after about 15 minutes. He was so "hooked" on TV that he wasn't comfortable without one. The point here is that instead of teaching your children to socialize you may be making them semi-outcasts within their peer group. Society is not kind to those who don't fit in.

Food for thought.

 

[redhen]

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Yep... very disrespectful kids. IMO

 

[teach1rusl]

Ya' know, most kids (who have all those things) think their parents are mean for some reason or another anyhow, at least through adolescence and teenhood. Just like many at that age think their parents are embarrassing, or think they're smarter than their parents.
I was the most restrictive, least cool parent in creation (according to my son) up until this past year, when my son finally began to mature a little (he's almost 19 now). And thinking back, I don't think I fully appreciated all that my mom had done for me until I was in my 20s (well...probably not FULLY until my 30s). So I expect by the time my boy is 25 or so, he'll thank me.
Until then, wear your "mean parent" badge with pride and patience. Lots and lots of patience...lol.

 

[hilareee]

i don't have kids. yet. but it really hurts my heart when i see my nephews, aged 4 and 8, fighting over who gets dad's cell phone to play games. seriously? go outside and play! i think my brother's parenting is lazy when that's all they want to do. ok, i like technology. the other day i was on skype to visit with my bro and the boys. when the bro left the room, i gave the kids a game to play: you can't say the word "dog." they got a huge kick out of trying to make each other, or me, say the word. the older one got a piece of paper and made a check mark in a column under that person's initial. i came up with this game in 3 seconds just to distract them from wanting to play with dad's phone.

i grew up making up games to play without any electronics. of course i spent my first 8 years living in the boonies where we were left to roam with the trees and rocks and only went home when a parent rang a loud bell. i was taught to watch out for rattlers (never saw a single one) and black widows (don't ever put your hand in a shoe or toy without checking first). otherwise we roamed free.

technology is wonderful, but imagination is crucial!

if i ever am a mom, i'll be one of the mean ones that makes the kids use construction paper and wooden blocks.

 

[HeatherLynn]

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I had some planned activities but everything was lame. I think next time I will take them on one at a time. Easier to get them to try something a bit different if they are not surrounded by their other friends who all do the exact same things too.

As far as making them different and them not fitting it I am not thrilled with it but if my option is to just go along with the crowd and raise kids like that....ehh I am going to go with different. We do play games, we do play some on the computer, they are still tech savy. They just are not addicted. They are used to doing many things not just one thing. I think thats healthier. I just cannot condone letting kids play all day on way too mature video games or all day on any video game really, thinking they need every little gadget in order to be happy, and never going outside and enjoying the outdoors. It just seems wrong. It is wrong.

I actually am pretty ok with them being known as the weird kids who didn't own a play station. They are the weird kids who live on a farm, who raise animals, who have bonfires and weenie roasts, who ride horse, know how to cook, and know how to sew. I know this sounds bad but I want them to be the weird kids who turn out better than the rest because they were given the opportunities and the desire to do many different things. To try new things. Its just hard right now. I think the key here is we need to find some kids and families who like to do many things like we do. Thats the sticking point I think. I know they are out there. Fun for us is going apple picking, taking a hike, going to see fossil beds, maybe stopping off for Thia food on the way home, then a quick round of chicken chores and then sitting together to watch old movies. The kids enjoy it as long as there is not that pressure to only play video games.

One child walked right in his door when I dropped him off and sat in front of his wii and started playing. His mom said, well I guess I lost him for the day. I just don't get it.

 

[dainerra]

I'm with OldGuy. I've been th at kid who was different and I've been the mean mom. I love a lot of the skills I have from my "time without" but I also resent a lot of the things I missed and now lack because of it. Being the different kid can cause a huge drop in social skills. Being left out. Being "less" than the others. I'm glad that I know how to cope with those feelings and disappointments. That I can work a farm, take care of myself, that I will never be the little lady who needs a man to take care of her.
I resent that I missed so many opportunities to make friends in high school. I had differences and really could never get comfortable in their conversations. They lived on another planet from me. It was difficult for me to make friends and I really withdrew from them. I still have anxiety attacks with people that I don't know.

With my kids it's about noderation. Take the video games. Yes, we have a PS3. It's a family gift, ch osen because it carries the widest variety of games that we can all play. Sure, we could have kept the old Playstation, but why deprive just for the sake of being able to say that we are different. We limit the time spent with games and online and with tv. That doesn't mean that we turn them off altogether.

Movies are watched according to the maturity of the people watching. My oldest lives for horror and she can handle them. Me, couldn't pay me to watch them. My youngest would have nightmares for a week.

The thing I'm wondering is...are the weekend sleepovers a chance for your son to have fun with his friends, or are they a chance for you to say "I'm doing a better job raising my kids than you" to the other parents? Let your son plan the activities, within reason. If it is age appropriate let him rent a new movie. Let him plan a day of his favorite outdoor activities. He knows what his friends will enjoy doing. Shoot, rent the latest video game console for the day and let them play for a LIMITED amount of time. It will be a special reward for him and a chance to do something the other kids can enjoy as well as adding in activities that you want to promote.

 

[HeatherLynn]

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Wow that one was a low blow. Are there actually people who think that way. Sorta sick.

 

[dixieland]

HeatherLynn- Kudos to you for raising your kids the way that many of us were raised! I think it is awesome that you are putting in all of the blood, sweat and tears it takes to raise kids knowing basic core values and being an active, caring, yet firm authority figure in their lives......
On the flipside, I think you should take them out for taco bell or mcdonalds a couple of times a year so that they do get to see what their friends are eating daily.....When they come to you with GI upset, you can explain what makes that food so addictive and tasty to so many people and how bad it really is for your body.
Next, let them watch a documentary on debt and the rate of foreclosure in the US....Explain why you handle your money the way that you do.....
I think you can use the experiences from the other day to educate and enrich your kids. When they are out on their own- they will have been exposed to everything and they can choose to live the way that they want to...The important thing is that they will have grown up and learned some important life skills that are so lacking in many young adults.....

Hold your head up high, you get an A++++++++++++++++++++++++++ as a parent from where I am sitting!

 

[aubreynoramarie]

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when your kids grow up they will brag to their friends about how they were not spoiled as children and how they only had the cool "vintage" stuff.
true story

 

[MamaRoo]

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Sounds sad.

At least you are raising your kids, not keeping the out of your way until they're old enough to leave. Conversations for your next 50 years of holidays and gatherings will start with things like "remember the time we took the cow..."