Don't you just hate when someone calls you stupid ?

[Anna_B_Happy]

When I am at work and I hear someone say something inappropriate like that (either to me or to another) I say something like "please dont speak that way around me, it is inappropriate". Racist, sexist or mean comments should not go unnoticed as by our inaction, or the person speaking will infer that it is acceptable. So, my policy is to speak up.

Off color jokes or rude behavior make us uncomfortable, or shock us, so we tend not to know what to say. After this happened in front of me a few times, I decided to be prepared with what to say in advance so that when it happens now, I speak up quickly but politely.

The inappropriate person always gets quiet and moves away from the group. If they persist, (which no one has) my plan is to call HR immediately (in front of everyone) and have them come over to speak with the group about making everyone feel welcome and important at work. Many times, others have thanked me for speaking up later.

Everyone deserves to work at a safe and pleasant place.

 

[The Yakima Kid]

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Not when they are speaking to women. I used to be a software engineer before I developed Meniere's disease. I had a number of experiences that were pretty close to something you'd read in a Kafka novel.

I had one guy interrupt me as I was starting to speak in a meeting and demand to know why I thought I knew anything about computers because his mother was about my age and she didn't know anything about computers. I asked him what his mother did for a living; he said she was an RN. I pointed out that she went to nursing school and I went to computer science school. Then he asked me if I was a lesbian; I asked him if his girlfriend had wanted a date or something. The boss just sat there staring Mr. New Hire spiraled on. The boss suggested that by proposing a solution to the problem before any of the men had spoken that I made them very uncomfortable and I needed to let them speak first so they wouldn't feel threatened.

Then there was the guy who I spent weeks teaching how to code for MS Windows. One day he turned to me and pointed out that people working on his portion of the project had to be better programmers than people working on my portion of the project. I was trying to explain SMTP so that he could understand it at the time. I noted that the main difference between what I and the one other woman did and what he did was that we lacked the chromosome of potential infalliblity. I doubt he got it.

 

[KristyHall]

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Not when they are speaking to women. I used to be a software engineer before I developed Meniere's disease. I had a number of experiences that were pretty close to something you'd read in a Kafka novel.

I had one guy interrupt me as I was starting to speak in a meeting and demand to know why I thought I knew anything about computers because his mother was about my age and she didn't know anything about computers. I asked him what his mother did for a living; he said she was an RN. I pointed out that she went to nursing school and I went to computer science school. Then he asked me if I was a lesbian; I asked him if his girlfriend had wanted a date or something. The boss just sat there staring Mr. New Hire spiraled on. The boss suggested that by proposing a solution to the problem before any of the men had spoken that I made them very uncomfortable and I needed to let them speak first so they wouldn't feel threatened.

Then there was the guy who I spent weeks teaching how to code for MS Windows. One day he turned to me and pointed out that people working on his portion of the project had to be better programmers than people working on my portion of the project. I was trying to explain SMTP so that he could understand it at the time. I noted that the main difference between what I and the one other woman did and what he did was that we lacked the chromosome of potential infalliblity. I doubt he got it.

that sucks. my mother was a welder back in the 70's and the men so resented it she had to have an escort to her station just for her protection. my grandmother was the first woman foreman on a railroad (i forgot the name of it. i think it was grand western trunk railroad. something with grand trunk in it) she was also the first foreman to know all of the area, jobs, and functions of the railroad.

there was a huge resistance about making her foreman. but she ended up earning a lot of respect and worked up until the day she died of pancreatic cancer.

I have had men talk down to me when they saw me working with horses and when i catered and trained in culinary arts, i struggled to be taken seriously by the primarily male chefs and students.

i would make suggestions and then be ignored or told it was a dumb idea, but a few minutes later a man would make a nearly identical suggestion and he was hailed as a genius.

 

[Dunkopf]

Wow it went from rude behavior to anti women behavior really fast. As a man this is dangerous territory for me. I'm sure that someone else will show up though. He won't be able to resist.

Since I am a man I have never been exposed to that kind of discrimination. My opinions would have no value. So I'll spare you.

 

[Laurajean]

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I'm not sure what this has to do with women either, actually. Calling ANYONE stupid in the workplace is inappropriate, regardless of who it is.

 

[KristyHall]

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the problem is roughly half the time when I have to deal with condescending men in any work type or even volunteer type situation, it has some sort of comment about me female with it.

the other fifty percent of the time the men are just buttheads to everyone or disagrees with me as a person.

women i run into some anti woman behavior which confuses me to no end, but mostly its because of disagreement or we have a personality conflict.

 

[The Yakima Kid]

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Grrrr......

Don't you hate that? I nearly lost it when bonuses were given to men who repeated what I had said in meetings - even when in one case the guy pointed out that it was my idea! What's a few thousand dollars more to a woman when a man might be supporting a family. Or so management explained.

 

[The Yakima Kid]

Here's the deal. I have noticed that if a man calls another man stupid or degrades him, management will deal with the problem. Quite a few of the managers in high technology use their personalities and attitudes towards women as a form of contraception.

I was in a meeting where another woman engineer tried to explain how there was a fatal problem with a product design; the male engineers spoke over her, and when she persisted, the manager asked her if she was having her period (in crude terms) and suggested that all of the men in the room couldn't be wrong. When I tried to support her, the manager told BOTH of us to shut up or he would fire us for insubordination.

Well, the flaw was fatal, and the product never shipped. The company was bought by another for pennies on the dollar. I had left long before then because it was pretty clear which way things were going, even though that manager was long gone for other reasons.

 

[The Yakima Kid]

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What industry are you in, Anna?

 

[Dunkopf]

Our company is based in Il. We have a local claims office here with about 17 employees handling claims in one form or another. Our supervisor is a woman around 40 or so. When she first took over there were the usual "She's just being so and so to establish authority over us men". Well the fact was that she was a bit of a you know what when she came on board. However her predecessor had been fired for being too lax and allowing some security procedures slip by, resulting in some fraud. So she was probably told that everyone was suspect and she was to clean house. She has done a great job that way and since it was her first job as an office manager in a field office she has learned a lot about managing people. It's been 4 years now and the bad apples are either working much harder and pulling their load or are gone.

We did have one other woman who wasn't in just a supporting position and the 2 of them had serious issues with each other. She ended up quitting. If it wasn't for the economy she would have lost a couple more of the women.

I think she had to be tougher than a man would have, to accomplish the same goals. I used to really dislike her, but I never showed it and we have managed to form a good working relationship. I didn't dislike that she was a woman.

As a company we have women all the way up the ladder. They don't accept disrespectful behavior to fellow workers or customers. They actually practice their policies. Calling someone stupid wouldn't result in termination but it would involve a discussion and a note in your file at human resources. A repeat offense may be more severe. They of course have the right to fire you on the spot but they don't like to get rid of well trained employees.