Why I Love Getting Older
[COLOR=800000]1. My goal for 2016 was to lose 10 pounds.[/COLOR] [COLOR=FF0000]Only 15 to go.[/COLOR]
[COLOR=800000]2. Ate salad for dinner. Mostly croutons & tomatoes. Really just one big round crouton covered with tomato sauce. And cheese.[/COLOR] [COLOR=FF0000]FINE, it was a pizza. I ate a pizza.[/COLOR][COLOR=800000] [/COLOR]
[COLOR=800000]3. How to prepare Tofu:[/COLOR]
[COLOR=FF0000]a. Throw it in the trash[/COLOR]
[COLOR=800000]b. Grill some meat[/COLOR]
[COLOR=800000]4. I just did a week's worth of cardio[/COLOR] [COLOR=FF0000]after walking into a spider web.[/COLOR]
[COLOR=800000]5. I don't mean to brag,[/COLOR] [COLOR=FF0000]but I finished my 14-day diet food in 3 hours and 20 minutes.[/COLOR]
[COLOR=800000]6. A recent study has found women who carry a little extra weight[/COLOR] [COLOR=FF0000]live longer than men who mention it[/COLOR][COLOR=800000].[/COLOR]
[COLOR=800000]7. Kids today don't know how easy they have it. When I was young,[/COLOR] [COLOR=FF0000]I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel.[/COLOR]
[COLOR=800000]8.[/COLOR] [COLOR=FF0000]Senility has been a smooth transition for me[/COLOR][COLOR=800000].[/COLOR]
[COLOR=800000]9. Remember back when we were kids and every time it was below zero outside they closed school?[/COLOR] [COLOR=FF0000]Me neither.[/COLOR]
[COLOR=800000]10. I may not be that funny or athletic or good looking or smart or talented.[/COLOR] [COLOR=FF0000]I forgot where I was going with this.[/COLOR]
[COLOR=800000]11. I love being almost 80.[/COLOR] [COLOR=FF0000]I learn something new every day and forget 5 others.[/COLOR]
[COLOR=800000]12. A thief broke into my house last night.[/COLOR] [COLOR=FF0000]He started searching for money so I woke up and searched with him[/COLOR][COLOR=800000].[/COLOR]
[COLOR=800000]13.[/COLOR] [COLOR=FF0000]I think I'll just put an "Out of Order" sticker on my forehead and call it a day.[/COLOR]
[COLOR=800000]14. November 6, 2016 was the end of Daylight Savings Time.[/COLOR] [COLOR=FF0000]Hope you didn't forget to set your bathroom scale back 10 pounds on Saturday night.[/COLOR]
[COLOR=800000]15. Just remember,[/COLOR] [COLOR=FF0000]once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed.[/COLOR]