encounter with CPS... give me a break! Long....

[WriterofWords]

Quote:
Wow, that's really good advice. Do you have any advice for children who are being interviewed?

I'd be interested in that info as well. Especially when the worker refuses to allow a parent or any other adult to be with the child during the interrogation.

Don't look at it as an interrogation, you may feel that way, but if you have a lot of stress and fears over it you will pass that on to your child and they will go into an interview scared already. It's like using the doctor for a threat if they misbehave and then wondering why they scream when you take them for a checkup.
Most cities and town have child advocates at the courthouses, for both sides, to protect the child who is being abused, and to protect the child from being badgered.

 

[Sonia]

I have had all of my verbal children interrogated for extended periods of time. They refused to allow ANY other adult in the room with them. They attempted to threaten and bribe them.


Leading questions would be mild compared to what we had to deal with. For instance 'Tell me about your mother slapping you or we will take you out of the house tonight.' This actually happened! More than once! When they didn't get the answers they wanted out of her the first time they went back to the school and interrogated her AGAIN! She stuck to what had actually happened but the way she was treated was horrible. Then they proceeded to open a case on us anyway because they said she was lying.

 

[chickiebaby]

I am surprised that so many have posted suspicious rants about CPS. On one hand they have been known to make absolutely terrible, awful, unforgivabe mistakes - no question. But they are an organization run by humans, who certainly err, and are not divine.

Meanwhile, domestic abuse, of children and of adults, is epidemic. I am glad to hear questions are being asked in the ER. I too was bothered by that when one of my sons ended up there three times in about six months! Luckily, each separate injury had occurred in public - one at a restaurant, one at a picnic, etc. - so it was fine.

But I would rather the questions were asked, at any amount of inconvenience and anxiety to me, than that one child, anywhere, was sent back to an abusive situation that could have been caught.

Take all of the excellent advice given by WriterofWords, if you need to, and stay calm if you know you're in the right. Don't go on the defensive, but do go on letting your kid play as you see fit.

And maybe we can all try to be aware that there are millions of tiny, defenseless, legitimate reasons, sad to say, for CPS to exist.

best.

 

[WriterofWords]

Quote:
If you can prove they were threatened or bribes were made, sue them. How old were the children? How many agents were in the room with them? CPS interviews are recorded, request a copy of the transcript and the tape.
I'm not going to argue with anyone, I offered some advice through experiences I've had as a teacher, nieghbor and parent.
Good luck and I hope it all works out.

 

[chickiebaby]

Just want to say that I dont mean to question for a minute everyone's real and no doubt very scary experiences.

Just want to remind us of what they are really there for.

And good luck and best outcomes to all.

 

[Sonia]

There was only one agent in the room with her. She was 9 years old at the time. I would sue them if I could afford the $4000 retainer fee for an attorney (yes I checked around). I'm honestly not trying to argue but I know how evil these people can be. Not saying that the all are but like you, can only offer my experiences and advice based on what we went through.

 

[WriterofWords]

Quote:
Well said and thank you. If they can catch and save one abused child, I'm willing to be questioned anytime. I have had abused children in my class and I've fought long and hard for them. We all need to.

 

[tiki244]

I just read the original post so forgive me if I missed something but I just wanted to say I feel your pain fowlwoman1. It seems to me "some" people (quite a few) have a set way of thinking and doing things and if others dont follow set standards they are considered scum of the earth. Its as if everyone is supposed to be exactly the same and if you are not than you are wrong. It makes me so so so mad.

As if these people ************dont stink. !!!!!!!!! I just cannot get it past me how narrow minded people are. And self righteous.

Keep your head up and hang in there, we know you are just fine the way you are.

 

[DuckyBoys]

Quote:
I have never dealt with CPS but during our custody case we had a children's advocate, who thankfully was honest. My daughter was in the room during my son's interview and I waited outside on the porch.

And just FYI - his dad DID abuse him, CPS was called 3 times by 3 different organizations including the child advocate, my therapist, and my son's therapist. They never even bothered to call me or look into the case. Thankfully the judge listened to the CA and adopted all his recomendations.

It was a joke trying to deal with them.

HSLDA is the best thing to ever happen to parents, regardless of whether or not they homeschool. I read the bulliten every month where they describe all the legal cases they were called in on and 90% of them are CPS trying to over step their bounds.

The funny thing is, CPS never wins.

 

[fowlwoman1]

THANKS EVERYBODY!!!! I can't believe it! not one person telling me it was a bad idea to let him play there. when I told my husband about it, I started out by saying, "so I was out at the apple tree yesterday and I was letting Cyphar throw rocks into the ditch and..." he says, "I've told you lots of times that you shouldn't let him do that...". I think he thought I was going to tell him that the canal caretaker caught him doing that and we got in trouble for it. Not that a random cps worker was driving by and freaked out. DH worried a lot less about it than I am. I could hardly sleep last night! He just says, "well, we'll see what comes of it". I guess it scares me more because I was there and saw and heard the panic and forcefulness of this cps man spitting all over the place because he was so passionate. completely convinced that I am a horrible mom.

I haven't had a follow up call so far and it's been more than 24 hours since THE SITUATION occurred. whoever it got referred to must think it's a REAL EMERGENCY as well....

As for him, I think if I ever see him on my property again I'm getting a restraining order on him. I'm sure he's a fine person in another situation and that he really cares about kids, but you have to have a balance between protecting and overprotecting. I"m sure he was abused as a child. He was wearing a pink shirt and had a lisp-- clearly a sign of childhood abuse(using cps logic there).

When or if I do get a social worker on my doorstep, that is just where they will stay unless they have a warrant to come in. Good idea. The problem happened outside, and that should be where we talk about it. I know from watching Law and Order that if they come in with a warrant, it is specific and they can't just use random evidence against you. (okay, maybe i don't know everything, but it sounds good) maybe the case worker will be one I know. I've known lots of social workers in this town. So, thanks everybody for your support and I"ll keep you posted as things develop.

BTW, I was abused in every way by my mother in this very house-- even sexually. As a 7 year old child, I told the judge in divorce court that I wanted to live with my dad. I wasn't allowed to live with him until I was 16 and my mom had made me practically feral. Okay, maybe not quite that bad, but I did hit her for almost no reason at the moment. that was when she let me move out to my dad's. throughout my childhood, I dropped subtle and not so subtle hints to teachers, friends' parents, church teachers, counselors, etc. that my mom was abusing me. She was open with me that she was suicidal and my dad recently told me that he was aware that she had bought a gun when I was a kid. she threatened to kill everybody in our family at some point. she was absolutely nuts from when I was about 3 until after I got married. she's much more under control now. what's weird is she was seen by many, I"m sure, as a good mom. she had the air of "i'm doing everything right for my daughter" in public. sure, she put me into every activity under the sun, which was good because I wasn't with her, but she didn't show me any affection. sometimes she made me kiss her on the lips when I was leaving to my dad's house, but I can't remember her ever hugging me when I was a kid. I was always just afraid of her. I was one of those little blond waifs that never spoke unless spoken to. I don't want my son to live like that. and happily, he is a very outgoing, creative, curious, happy child. I want him to have the love I didn't get when I was a kid. I let him play with his friends and talk to strangers(with me there, of course), he climbs 6 foot fences, climbs pine trees, eats ants, gets too excited, laughs too much and he loves me fiercely. He knows I love him and I am the one in the world that cares the most about him. DH is great, but he doesn't have the vision of what life and childhood should be that I have. I want joy in my life, and that means DOING things to get there, not just trying to fit the mold that others expect you to fit into. I let our son sleep with me in bed for as long as he wanted to because I don't think that children are meant to be forced to sleep alone. I know I don't like to sleep alone and I'm an adult. He is now sleeping in his own bed because he wants to. It honestly worries me a little because his room isn't within earshot of ours, and one night last winter he woke up with croup so bad he could hardly breathe and couldn't even walk all the way to our room because he was so weak. thankfully my husband heard him crying and woke up sooner than I did and woke me up. I threw him into the car and rushed him across the street to the ER. we usually walk to the ER if we have to go, but walking wasn't fast enough for me that night.

Anyway, I love my son, but I don't want him to live in a complete bubble, but I want him to feel ultra loved. and he does!