Hi. I'm so sorry that you had such an upsetting experience.
I am wondering if you are perhaps beating yourself up needlessly though. Animals and chickens in particular, often have nerve impulses and muscle spasms after death and they last for a remarkably long time. This certainly happens with decapitation and cervical dislocation in chickens where you can be pretty sure once the head is off, the bird is effectively dead but the spasms can continue for over a minute and decapitated birds have even been known to get up and run off.
I understand it is very upsetting to experience this, especially when you are not expecting it, but it does not necessarily mean that the bird has suffered conscious trauma.
I would like to think that the sounds and struggling that you observed were after death impulses and not the bird panicking and suffering. I hope that provides you with some comfort as well as the knowledge that you would almost certainly have encountered this situation if you had opted for one of the more physical methods.
Personally, I prefer those physical methods because I am confident that it is quick, but I appreciate it is not for everyone. I was reading a post recently on this forum about using ether in the form of starting fuel and I wonder if that might be a better method as it was used as an anaesthetic prior to modern medicine, so will put to sleep before becoming fatal. I can remember that it was used to kill the rats in biology class that were used for dissection a lot of years ago when I was at school.
I am wondering if you are perhaps beating yourself up needlessly though. Animals and chickens in particular, often have nerve impulses and muscle spasms after death and they last for a remarkably long time. This certainly happens with decapitation and cervical dislocation in chickens where you can be pretty sure once the head is off, the bird is effectively dead but the spasms can continue for over a minute and decapitated birds have even been known to get up and run off.
I understand it is very upsetting to experience this, especially when you are not expecting it, but it does not necessarily mean that the bird has suffered conscious trauma.
I would like to think that the sounds and struggling that you observed were after death impulses and not the bird panicking and suffering. I hope that provides you with some comfort as well as the knowledge that you would almost certainly have encountered this situation if you had opted for one of the more physical methods.
Personally, I prefer those physical methods because I am confident that it is quick, but I appreciate it is not for everyone. I was reading a post recently on this forum about using ether in the form of starting fuel and I wonder if that might be a better method as it was used as an anaesthetic prior to modern medicine, so will put to sleep before becoming fatal. I can remember that it was used to kill the rats in biology class that were used for dissection a lot of years ago when I was at school.
