(ex)-boyfriend problems, advice needed

[77horses]

I haven't read this whole thread, just the beginning and end. I hope I'm not butting in here, but you did want advice, and I gather I am a little older and have had my heart broken a few time more than you. He isn't chasing you hon. Not a bit. He is in fact stringing you along, and he admits it. Not texting you when you had plans was extremely disrespectful, even for a friend, much less someone you would think about giving your heart to. No matter what you think now, you don't want someone who is that wishy washy about you, when there are guys out there who would go out of their way to make a date with you, as well they should.

Exactly, I agree with the part about not texting when you make plans. If you tell someone that you're going to let them know whether you can hangout or not, and then you don't follow through and just leave them hanging, that's just rude. And that goes for anyone, whether it's a guy you like or just a friend. Maybe it was like dainerra said: "the thing is - he didn't show any signs of disinterest. At least not in his mind. Not everyone thinks "oh I'm sick. I'll text and let her know" He thinks "oh if I don't text she will know I'm not coming" It's not because they are rude or they don't care. They just don't think of it that way." But it was still rude and I don't think I was acting clingy because like I said, I didn't contact him at all when he didn't follow through. I sat back and went on with my day and waited for him to contact me first. And when he did, I didn't get angry with him. Yeah, I pointed out that maybe he had been lying about being sick, and maybe that was my insecurities, but like you said, "No matter what you think now, you don't want someone who is that wishy washy about you, when there are guys out there who would go out of their way to make a date with you, as well they should." That's why I brought it up. I would rather get it over with now and see if he was being honest or wishy washy rather than letting it go and then learning the hard way later down the road due to the possibility that we could've started dating. If there's a potential of me dating someone, and I have a sense that something isn't right, I'm going to ask about it. That's just what makes sense, rather than ignoring it and having it be a problem later on.

You should think about whether you are acting like a bit of a door mat. Instead of "can we still be friends?" I would consider telling him that what he did was very rude, that it made you angry, and that you don't need friends who would be so thoughtless. If he really wants to be your friend, or more than that, he will need to show it by his actions, and if not, that's fine too, have a nice life. That might be the wake up call he needs, and if it's not, then you know, and you can move on with a bit of self respect. You do deserve better, even not know ing you, I know no one should be treated that way.
Yeah I know, but sometimes you forgive people simply because you still want them in your life. Forgive and move on but never forget what it taught you. I decided that I still wanted to be his friend, but that doesn't mean I'm going to let him walk all over me. I did tell him that what he did was hurtful. And I know what you mean by "if he really wants to be my friend he'll show it by his actions and if not, have a nice life". That's basically the way I'm think right now; I didn't want to leave things off badly between us, so I wanted us to remain as friends and leave it as that. If he didn't talk to me after that, then oh well, have a nice life. Because I'm not going to chase someone who isn't interested.

 

[77horses]

But anyways, I don't want to complicate things more than they already are so we'll just forget about things and move on. Simply put, we're just friends right now and I guess I'm okay with that, even though I still like him. Also, he ended up texting me last night and we had a long, normal conversation. It's the same as it was before, except obviously we don't flirt anymore, but it's nice talking to him anyways and I'm glad we're still friends. I'm just gonna go with the flow and try not to take things too seriously, and I guess we'll just have to wait and see where it gets me.

 

[NovaAman]

I hate texting. I was so glad when I was growing up and first started dating, there wasn't texting. He called me. I didn't call him. Oh, I did things so he'd know I was interested, but I did not persue it. These days, the girls are more up front and in your face about the whole thing. The way guys and girls think hasn't changed, but the respect guys have for girls sure has. None of the guys I dated would have left me hanging with out telling me with a call. If he didn't call, didn't show, and then didn't have a better reason than, I was sick, that was it. I had more respect for myself than to be all, oh ok, I understand. You get jerked along like that from early on, you'll get jerked along like that the whole relationship. Thats not ok. Set your self some standards, and stick by them yourself first. If you don't, no boy will.

 

[77horses]

I hate texting. I was so glad when I was growing up and first started dating, there wasn't texting. He called me. I didn't call him. Oh, I did things so he'd know I was interested, but I did not persue it. These days, the girls are more up front and in your face about the whole thing. The way guys and girls think hasn't changed, but the respect guys have for girls sure has. None of the guys I dated would have left me hanging with out telling me with a call. If he didn't call, didn't show, and then didn't have a better reason than, I was sick, that was it. I had more respect for myself than to be all, oh ok, I understand. You get jerked along like that from early on, you'll get jerked along like that the whole relationship. Thats not ok. Set your self some standards, and stick by them yourself first. If you don't, no boy will.

Exactly. That's why I brought it up with him the first place. It's just really confusing because while some of you are saying things like this, others are saying that maybe he thinks differently so he didn't even think to let me know that he couldn't hangout, some others are saying that I'm taking it too seriously and scaring him away, and some of you are saying that it's not a big deal since he was just letting me know if he could hangout and there weren't any actual plans set out. So I really don't know what to think of it and it's hard to decide how I should've reacted. All I know is he said he would let me know if he could hangout, but he never did. He said it was because he was sick, which at first I admit I didn't believe because that was like the 2nd time that he had used the being sick excuse when we were suppose to hangout. So of course I was a little skeptical, but I didn't get angry or anything and I kept an open mind. And even if he was sick, which I do believe he was, he still should've let me know. I don't know about you guys, but like I said, I find it to be common sense to let someone know if you can or can't hangout when you tell them that that's what you're going to do (unless you're like dying or your phone broke or something prevented you from doing so, which I don't believe applied to him at the time). Like you said^, You get jerked along like that from early on, you'll get jerked along like that the whole relationship. Thats not ok. Set your self some standards, and stick by them yourself first. If you don't, no boy will. I know this and that's why I brought it up with him. He apparently liked me, so there was the possibility of us dating, so I have enough respect for myself to not let someone leave me hanging early on because like you said, that's not okay. So I asked him about it, being well aware that in doing so I could be scaring him away. But if I did scare him away by pointing out that he left me hanging, then I guess it was for the best and it's good to know early on before I got into a relationship with him.

 

[Judy]

Closed at the request of the OP (thread starter.)