Facing a major life decision, how to deal with negative people?

[arabianequine]

Don't go through the law firm unless you are told your denied by social security.....go to the welfare office and get on here the program is called gau.....and then they have social workers that will help you apply for social security that way your not wasting money out of your back benefits once you get approved until you have to if denied. It is ok if you already get public assistance now they would put you on a separate program and that is better cause you would get more money back when social security the difference between the medical grant on welfare and your social security, once it is approved. I think and the kids on the same now if that is the case. If you have any questions pm me and ask.

Good luck!

 

[arabianequine]

http://www.ssa.gov/

Sorry about that use this link to go straight to social security.

 

[noodleroo]

Katy said: "Life is what you make it. You can either lay around and complain and list off the reasons your life is the way it is, or you can put on your big girl panties and deal with what you've been dealt. Your life and the lives of those around you would be a whole lot happier if you choose the latter."

I think this is really good advice. I don't know how old you are, but I'd sure try to get my body healed before looking into disability. If you need help with public assistance for a little while until you can get on your feet, that is understandable.

 

[Mattemma]

I would move with the kids,but might rehome some or all of the pets. I hated living with my mom.We fought daily and looking back I can not remember what we fought about. We are an hour apart now and it is nice for us both.Yes,she has a huge house and it seems a waste that we pay a mortgage on ours when we could pay rent to her,but we could not live together. Just move when the trailor opens up and deal with mom after.Do not let her come with you. The yelling daily at the kids is bad.Who wants to live in that type of home life? And the garbage into the wet basement is one step away from your kids in foster and the house condemmed.

Things will work out,but sometimes you have to step out of your comfort zone and take a leap of faith. Consider adult service/adult protection agency to look into care/help for your mom.We like to think kids will be their to help the parents,but sometimes kids have to choose between their own family and their birth family when they can not swing both.It is OK. Doing nothing and keeping on the current path will condem you,mom,and the kids. Make things better for you and the kids.Then help mom IF you can.

 

[Miltonchix]

One of the best ways to lose family and friends it talk about them behind their backs.

I don't get it how people can air their dirty laundry to complete strangers, yet won't TALK to the one they're talking about. Yelling and screaming is not talking and its certainly NOT your childrens place to be in between you and your mother. The conversation should be PRIVATE and your kids need to be out being kids. They should NOT have this weight on their little shoulders.
Does this mean you're a "bad" mother?...............not my place to judge. AND we've only heard one side. YOURS.

 

[Boyd]

Quote:
I could give you another side, but it isn't my place. Just trust me when I say this story is not embellished. If you don't want to trust a stranger or another who's met her and the family so be it.

 

[Miltonchix]

Quote:
I could give you another side, but it isn't my place. Just trust me when I say this story is not embellished. If you don't want to trust a stranger or another who's met her and the family so be it.

When someone asks for advice from complete strangers on intimately personal matters they will get what they asked for. It may not be what they WANT to hear though. Or even NEED to hear.
The personal nature of what some people post on public forums never cease to amaze.............

 

[EweSheep]

Quote:
I could give you another side, but it isn't my place. Just trust me when I say this story is not embellished. If you don't want to trust a stranger or another who's met her and the family so be it.

When someone asks for advice from complete strangers on intimately personal matters they will get what they asked for. It may not be what they WANT to hear though. Or even NEED to hear.
The personal nature of what some people post on public forums never cease to amaze.............

If you do not like to read the "personal nature" of people posting, then you should not support or read into them. After all, OP is wanting support and some kind of a motivation in what she needs to do so she is asking us, the readers, for our input to make sure "she is not crazy". When another BYCer or more of them, chimn in, knowing this person like Boyd is saying, it makes the story the OP MORE creditable. Sure we only hear one side of the story but it is UP to her what she need to do, when she finish reading our posts, she can make the decision herself whether or not to move, whether or not to take her mother with her, whether to fix up the house or not....it all is on her shoulders on the decision for her, her kids and what she can do to recify the situation she is now in.

 

[WingingIt]

I went thru and read your posts but not all of the replies, so I'm sorry if I'm repeating things said multiple times.

Here are some thoughts, although in no particular order:

You need to ask your doctor to help you fill out the paperwork and check into disability for yourself.

It sounds like (and please don't tell me, I don't need to know) that you have sole physical as well as financial responsibility for your children. That's not right. If you contact assistance agencies they can not only help you with food and possibly utilities, but they can help you process the paperwork (or at least point you in the right direction) to get their father to pay his share. Sometimes in some states they go after them themselves, because they are paying in assistance what the other parent should be paying, anyway. If there is alimony or child support ordered but you aren't getting it, now's the time to make it enforced.

It sounds like, again, just from what you've said, that you're maybe bringing in a small amount from some websites or something, but for the most part you are all living off of your Mom's retirement money and, because of your injuries, that most of the house stuff is falling to Mom, too. That doesn't give her the right to blast your children, but I can see where she'd be super frustrated because she probably thought she had enough to retire on for herself and now she's paying most of the expenses (and again, maybe I'm wrong and you have other income equal to hers coming in) and she's probably worried that she's going to run out of money herself.

If that's true and she's shouldering most of the financial burden, there's NO WAY that I could leave her there in good conscience. Especially knowing she'd have no vehicle and you'd be too far to easily check in on her regularly. There would have to be a serious discussion about crossing lines, especially with the children, but it sounds like she's been supporting the family, so she's earned my respect on that point.

Your landlord/house seller is a jerk and you need out of that house. You need to read your contract very carefully and see who's responsible for what as far as repairs go. DO NOT RENEW that contract. Contact low income housing (I'd think that you'd qualify with 4 people living off one small retirement) and see if you can get in housing under an emergency order because you'll be homeless. If you have a church that you belong to, they can assist by contacting the housing office on your behalf. I know someone who was in a similar situation, grown woman who lived with her older mother (but no her kids were grown and out of the house) and they were told there was a huge wait list. Their pastor called up there and suddenly they could get them in in three days. That should get you in town and near either some form of public transportation or at least walking distance to a store to buy food.

Personally, I'd cancel the TV service. I know it's enjoyed but it's not needed and that money can be saved up as a downpayment or to buy food, pay utilities, etc. If you still have internet for your work, she can watch a lot of shows online for free. You two just need to work out an internet use schedule so you know who's going to be using it when.

You're relying a LOT on the word of the woman from church who's offering you someone else's trailer and telling you that you can probably keep your animals. I hope that works out but I think you need to not count on it. For all she knows, the owner already has another renter lined up, or the current renters will renew their lease, or she won't want your animals brought out there with hers in case of illness. What if the friend decides she can't go get your for your errands, is she going to expect the new landlord to do it? How about taking you for job interviews, etc? It won't be pretty, but you can find a junker for a couple hundred dollars that at least runs, even if there's no air or the electric locks don't work, etc. If it can get you to a job, you can then save for a better one. I hope your friend comes thru, but they seem to be promising a lot without confirmation from the actual owner, you know?

I know that you don't want to, but I think you really need to look at selling or giving away the vast majority of the animals for now. Keep what most regular apartments would let you have so that you are more likely to be accepted into a better housing situation. If you give them to friends you'll know they are well cared for and loved and once you're back on your feet and can get to a place with room again, you can either get them back or buy their offspring, etc. I just did this a few months ago and while I HATED having to get rid of them, I know they are well cared for at two friends' homes and we've already discussed that when we move back to that state, we'll be getting either them or their babies back. I gave them to my friends/neighbors and they'll give me some when we get back. Or, if you can sell them to make money for a deposit on a new place or vehicle, consider it very seriously. You said you were breeding some for selling purposes, anyway, so if they are ready, get some ads up and get some money coming in. Your Mom is going to have to get rid of those cats, the VAST majority of them, and she knows it. She may not like it, but that's just common sense. If you (all) can't afford to feed yourselves, the animals, pay your bills and save for a vehicle.....then something has to change and the obvious answer is the stray cats as a start, IMO.

Keep approaching it with Mom. You need to sit down after the kiddos are in bed and (you can do this part without her) and see what income comes in for her and what comes in for you and guesstimate what expenses you'll have (the new rent amount, paying for gas for the people who provide transportation, food for the three of you, medication, utilities, etc.) and what your Mom will have when you're gone and see if it's possible for you to move without her, and conversely, if it's possible for her to stay there without you and your contribution. I don't know how old your children are (and don't need to) but if you'd have to pay for after school care for them while you work, having her there with you would be a big benefit from that standpoint alone. I'd bet that once your income starts coming in either from a job or disability, Mom's stress level will go down and her attitude will improve again. After you've figured that all out, then discuss it with Mom. Again, after the children are in bed and you're going to have to baby her a bit, I'd guess, but it has to happen.

Mom needs to go to her doctor for a checkup, too. She needs to have her A1C run if she hasn't had one in a while. MIL died from heart issues caused by her diabetes and the fact that she never took care of herself or followed her diet. It's not a nice way to die and was younger than your Mom is now, so it's def. a possibility for her, too.

Personally, I'd start looking on CL and local papers and find another rental NOW. Something in town or in the town where your friend is. You need out of that house you're in and yes, it's going to mean big changes as far as the animals go, but there's no getting around that. You can't wait on that other possible trailer until the end of the year when your landlord wants you to sign NOW.

Monday morning you need to be contacting the services departments for housing and food stamps and asking for the disability paperwork.....you'll feel better once things are moving because you took control of it. Put the landlord off as long as you can to buy yourself some time.

Good luck!