Facing a major life decision, how to deal with negative people?

[chicken_china_mom]

Well, the landlord called tonight. Apparently our lease is up and it's time to resign. He's coming out next weekend to do a walk through, and this is just more stress that I don't need or want, and I feel like ripping my hair out. So what, now we have to rush and fix all the things that he is going to accuse us of breaking and ruining, just so he doesn't boot us out? I can't take much more of this stress. Now I have to paint my living room, the bathroom, clean the basement, my bedroom, the kids' bedrooms, my mom's bedroom, the laundry room, oh, the list is endless! And I have to repair the door that fell off the kitchen cabinet, and so many other things that are just falling apart due to age. I swear it's not going to all get done and I'm going to keel over from the stress. Now is when I wish I had friends in my area to help me. Family has to get moving NOW. Going to e-mail my friend too, ask more about that trailer and try to get an idea of when it might become available. Trust me, if we'd had any idea what this guy was like, we never would have entered into a contract with him in the first place. My mother is talking like she wants to renew the contract. I, however, do not want to, and we're going to have a nasty battle about it. Lord, please give me strength. This all has to be happening for a reason, it can't all be coincidence. I just need to sort it all out now!

 

[noodleroo]

Chickenchinamom; the landlord is supposed to fix the stuff that breaks. Its up to you to let him know WHEN it breaks. No need to pull your hair out. It is what it is.

Like I said in my earlier post; you already know what you have to do. You have to get your life out of 'neutral'. Now go take that first step out of your comfort zone.

 

[redhen]

I would tell my mother this:
That you love her very much, but the living conditions now are just not healthy for your children... and THATS why you NEED to move.
You have no vehicle... so you cant even get rid of your garbage. Never mind a job to support them..
Piles of garbage around your house is just not healthy... even if there isnt any food in it... You must be putting your food garbage somewhere? Outside i'm assuming... but still..
You also mentioned something about piles of mouldy clothes?.... Thats got to be pretty bad.. I'm sorry.
Its just NOT a healthy way for your kids to be living... and i'm sure your mother knows this. (maybe thats why she gets so upset about the messes in the house?).... i dont know...
But i do think that something has to change ... So if that means leaving and starting over.. then so be it.
My concern is: You still wont have a car.. even when you move... will you just get yourself in the same situation?..You'll still be dependent on people for rides and stuff.
You need to find a way to get yourself a car... so you can get a job and be self-sufficient.
Also.. you mention the pain you're in... well if you move to the trailer, WHO is going to clean THAT place..if you cant clean or bend over now..
HOW are you going to do it without your mothers help? These are real things that you need to really think about...
Maybe you DO need to talk to CPS...and see if they have any services to help disabled parents. Maybe they can send in someone weekly to help you with shopping and house cleaning??
Its just a thought..
You have my best wishes... i know that you're stuck in a hard place right now...
But they DO have services for parents that need help. I think its time to make some calls and get that help.

 

[ScaredOfShadows]

Quote:
Noodle - they are renting to own, and depending on how the contract was - the 'landlord' can dictate in the lease/contract that since they are renting to own they are responsible for any damages done and maitanence. However they also mentioned the house was in disrepair when they moved there so yeah its kind of a no win situation that they've gotten themselves into.

 

[TyrannosaurusChix]

i was in a rent to own once--contract was that it was us that fixed things. i never renewed because i found some problems i wasnt ready to deal with. my contract stated i leave what i received.. if a light fixture is there, one had to be there when i left, etc. i ran out of paint and i painted part of the wall another color.. close but not the same.


the owner begged me to re-sign. i even left the sump pump i purchased new after the lack of one ruined a lot of my property in the basement.


Just get the place cleaned up, dont worry about paint.. just buy a $4 mop and wash them.. it will do wonders!

The door on the cabinet can be fixed if it has the hinges with just a few screws, if not $4 in a new pack of hinges that come with the screws.

I wouldnt commit to a new contract... if your mother wants to make it PLAIN she will be doing so on her OWN if you truly dont want to continue.

 

[noodleroo]

Quote:
Noodle - they are renting to own, and depending on how the contract was - the 'landlord' can dictate in the lease/contract that since they are renting to own they are responsible for any damages done and maitanence. However they also mentioned the house was in disrepair when they moved there so yeah its kind of a no win situation that they've gotten themselves into.

You are absolutely right; I read it and promptly forgot that part.

My statement that 'it is what it is' still hold true. There is only so much you can do in a week so might as well just incorporate straightening up the house with getting organized for a move...

 

[EweSheep]

In all cases, do NOT renew the contract. Get OUT! Let your mom deal with the contract herself and you do NOT co sign for her!

 

[chicken_china_mom]

This landlord is a piece of work. Shortly after we moved in here, we discovered the roof leaked in my older daughter's bedroom. We told the landlord and his initial reaction was like "and what do you want me to do about it?" But he begrudgingly fixed it. Since we moved in the furnace has broken about 3 times, the roof leaked, a cabinet door in the kitchen broke, but not at the hinges. Seriously, it cracked off a piece in the upper corner. There was an earthquake and the foundation cracked. Wall in my mother's room cracked. Floors are buckling, windows broke on the sun porch due to severe storms, and more that I can't even think about at the moment. Oh, one of the support beams in the basement is propped up on a block of wood too. Estimates to fix the house support? Minimum of $30,000. The toilet leaks and wobbles (I do NOT know plumbing and last time I tried to change a donut, I failed.), the water is so incredibly hard that it killed our brand new washer after less than a year and flooded the laundry room, causing all the floor boards to buckle, so we pulled them up. We're going to slap down some cheap linoleum in there. As for the clothes on the sun porch, they are sealed off from the house. Whoever built this house, just enclosed the existing front porch, and the main door to the house is still in place, so technically entering the sun porch is like stepping outside, but there is a roof and windows, if that makes sense. Every plumbing problem we've had, he made us pay the plumber instead of paying the rent. What's unfair is that sometimes the bills were more than the rent, but the following month we just paid less on the rent. We weren't footing the bills for what should have been working properly before we moved in. Pipes had to be replaced, a faucet, a sink leak, etc. And of course the plumber he hires is an idiot that charges way more than he is worth, and most of what he fixes breaks. He's a cheapskate and he sued his last tenants when they moved out because he claimed they left the house in disrepair. The house was not really damaged, other than the pee soaked shag throw rug they left on the living room floor to cover up the damage to the floor from the dogs. So much pee that the floors had buckled and warped so bad, and the smell was awful, we had to pull up the floor boards. In the deep heat occasionally you can still smell the urine. It's gross. We know we have to repair the floor boards. We were intending to do that anyway. And we have to paint. We stripped the awful wallpaper in the living room as it had urine from dogs lifting their legs, we burned the curtains as they were drenched in dog urine, and we started painting. But this living room is HUGE, and we got about 2/3 of the way and stopped because we started to question it cause it wasn't covering all the cracks, and one outside wall started to crumble. So we figured we would slap up some cheap wallpaper if we decided to move. This place is just a money pit sitting on a nice piece of land.

Boyd saw my house. He knows it's not worth sinking the money into. But if the lease is up and we don't sign, we still have things to repair, and we have to find somewhere new to live. It's kind of a darned if you do, darned if you don't situation right now.

As far as cleaning goes? My kids help me. I clean high, they clean low. But I think I'm gonna get myself one of those reaching arms that grabs things high or on the floor. Up til now my method for picking things up off the floor is to turn on the vacuum and use the suction to grab it! I do whatever I have to do to get the job done. There is just a lot of unnecessary junk here that we need to purge ourselves of. Oh, and food garbage gets put into smaller, manageable bags that the kids take to the dumpster. They gripe, but they take them. I tell you, if I move, I'm leaving behind a lot of items that I just don't need in order to survive. It will basically be my kids, the few animals I'm bringing with me, our beds, a dresser, and their toys. Oh, and our clothes. That's about it. Some pictures and photo albums too, and whatever pertains to my school, and the kids homeschooling materials. I won't even be leaving with pots to cook with or plates. But I have another friend that says that once I move, she will give me pots and kitchen stuff. If I'm lucky, I might be able to bring my recliner. But it's falling apart, so it might not be worth it to bring. So we may be sitting on the floor. But I don't care. Things like that are not important to me. As far as getting a job, it will be close enough to the city that I can get there without a car, and I'd do my big shopping with my friend. I'd be helping her as she shopped since by that time she will have her hands full with 4 kids (she's pregnant right now) plus her two foster kids. So she will need help. We've discussed play dates and homeschooling field trips, and other things of that nature, but I'm not really thinking that far ahead. Right now I need to focus on making the necessary adjustments in my life that will bring me peace, and bring my children peace. I am not resigning that lease. She can, but I'm not.

 

[EweSheep]

Let your mom deal with the renovation deal. I know it sucks but it was way over your heads. You had NO idea what it needed at that time.

 

[arabianequine]

Don't you have caregivers or chore workers in your area? I know you can both have a chore worker in the same house....even when you move you can get another chore worker/caregiver. I am sure you can if you are getting medical coupon/public assistance and/or Social Security benefits. Here the businesses are called home care of washington, in home care, benificial, addus. I would ask around or look in the phone book. As far as getting a job how when you say you physically can't do much....maybe you need to sign up for disability with social security....and also sign up for low income housing now long waiting lists for this.