Facing a major life decision, how to deal with negative people?

[EweSheep]

Go and apply for SSD or SSI, it will help you get back on your feet until you get a job.

And MOVE out to a friend's trailer. Make sure you have a contract with this friend....nothing worse having a friend getting mad at you for not paying your rent, etc. and it would end up broken friendships.

Go! For your kids and for your sake! Make a new life on your own and your own animals. If your mother wants ducks, give her a few ducks, the pool and some feed. She will make it somehow and there are resources to help elderly folks for meals and all that jazz.

 

[TheBarnSwallow]

Are there any resources out in that area that can help you get on your feet? I am assuming you are a single parent with they way you talked here... is there any child support coming along your way through the kids dad? How about your mom does she have monetary means each month for anything.. job, SS or something... When was the last time you really sat down and balanced the budget... sometime things have to be let go in order to be free to other things that are pressing at the moment.. Have you tried gardening and learning to can so you can cut back on some groceries.. for all other food items is there a charity in the area that does low income groceries like ... ANGEL FOOD? Where income doesnt matter and you get quite a bit for low dollar? I am not trying to pry but at the same time you cant always run from the stuff driving you crazy... This could be a storm you are meant to pass through...

Look to your local Department Of Social Services.. you dont have to be on WELFARE to benefit from the avenues of help they have to offer... if anything they can help lead you into the right direction of some one who could give you information on services that pertain to your family situation...

there is no shame in asking for help as long as you are willing to work for the reward... Will be praying for you and the family... it sounds like you are going through tough times at this moment...

 

[cafarmgirl]

I think it is past time for you to live your own life, on your own. Sometimes adult kids living with parents works out, a whole lot more times it does not, and this does not sound like a good situation for your own kids. Sounds like all of you are in way over your heads on the rent-to-own house anyway. Maybe she can move out too and find a small place for herself? If the opportunity comes up to move into the trailer go for it. It sounds like you care about your mom and want whats best for everybody but in this situation I don't think that living together is good for any of you.

Good luck, hope everything works out for you.

 

[chicken_china_mom]

I'm not trying to sound like all I'm talking about is me me me, but this happens to be my life, and it affects me, and more importantly, it affects my kids. I am going through a lot right now, and tried to convey that in a single post. I do love my mother. I don't know what I would do without her in my life. But I don't want to fight with her any more. It's making us both sick, and we both need a break from it. She drove her siblings nuts growing up because she tried to control them too, and once she had me, she had someone new to control. Growing up, I was raised by my mother and grandmother. It felt like my grandmother was my mom because she stayed home and took care of me and all my needs, and my mom went to work and came home and plopped down on the couch to watch tv, so she felt like my dad. I'm very close with my mom, but she has always maintained this wall, like she doesn't want to let anyone completely in, not even me, and over the last few years it feels like she is reinforcing that wall and pushing me further out. I've relied on her for a lot, and I don't want her feel like I'm abandoning her. I do think another good talk is in order so that we can clear the air and I can possibly discuss how, if we do go our own ways, we can all benefit. Maybe an after dinner talk. I dread it, cause it will bring about another fight, but it's necessary.

I think subconsciously I was aware that diabetes can cause mood swings. I'm hypoglycemic and I know that when my blood sugar is off, I get cranky. REALLY cranky. I'll have to see if I notice a change in her personality before and after meals. I'll start paying attention to that. Getting her to take a med for depression, shoot, I'd have an easier time getting a fish to grow legs.

 

[TheChickenCameFirst]

Quote:
Do not worry about it, it is your life and you are just looking for suggestions

It's nice to have a place like this were you can convey your true feelings.

I'm sorry you have to deal with so many health problems! I'm not diagnosed with anything, but I know I get low blood sugar at times, and it really does throw you off, but if your mom's mood swings are getting to the point where they are effecting your life (And more importantly your kids lives) It's time to take control and it's time to do something about it. Go FOR THE TRAILER!

 

[EweSheep]

Whatya waiting for???????

GO!

 

[Katy]

First off you, not your friend, needs to talk to the person who owns the trailer since it's not your friends property. Planning out a big move based on something that you've been told second hand does not sound good to me.

 

[noodleroo]

Where do I start? I guess it'll be with a disclaimer that this is my opinion and mine only. You have to make decisions based on what is best for you so here are some ideas that you can use to form your own opinions. Ok?

Your life is yours. Good health, bad health; lots of money, no money; smart, stupid; doesn't matter. What matters is the decisions that you make; they will shape your life so make good ones starting today.

Decide what you want. Sounds simple but its not. Take a piece of notebook paper and make two colums. On one side, write down all the things you want to keep in your life and (think that you) cannot live without. On the other side - all the things you have now that you want to get rid of. Be honest.

Now make another list; the things you need to take care of the 'want to keep' side of the first list. This will help you get started.

Obvioulsy, you need to make a change. My 'signature' line on this forum used to say 'if you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always got'. It is so true. Bad things happen to everybody but they don't have to ruin your life. You get to decide that.

The last thing you want is to stay in a toxic relationship with your mom. Do you want your children to think that is normal? She is not your responsibility; but your children are. You have to do whats best for you and that will ultimately be what's best for them.

Move closer to town. Get a job. Shop at thrift stores for you and the kids. Plant a garden and save seeds. Use eggs to barter-(you'll get more bang for the buck). Teach your kids to do the same. Save your money. Keep your house and coops and garden clean. Teach your kids to do the same. You're going to be OK. Be consistant. Teach your kids to do the same.

Here's a special visualization (better known as a prayer) for depression: "Put a wall of the pure white light of God above, below, around and through me so that no negativity can penetrate my body, mind, soul, or spirit". Say that over and over until you feel better. It works. Blessings to you.

 

[redhen]

Heres the things that i see..
The dirty house bothers your mother...
You're not working right now... maybe if you make an extra effort to really keep the house clean it will bring SOME peace to your household?
Also.. i know that I feel SO much better after a good house cleaning... it might even help some with your depression..
I'd try that...

As for the trailer move..
If you leave your mother there in the house.. can she afford it by herself? Did you both move in with the agreement to help each other out because money is tight? If so.. i also would feel real bad about leaving her there by herself...
But if she took the place knowing that you wernt needed to keep it going.. then... by all means move out and start over.

About the car situation.. I'm assuming that you're on some type of state aid?? They will sometimes help you buy a used car to get back and forth to a job and such... They do in Mass anyways...

 

[beckt]

I know we talked about this a little yesterday, but from what I can feel you do need to make the move and break away. This in my opinion is going to be the best thing for your girls. I have met her girls and let me tell you they are both great kids. But what I fear is that with the things being said it will be just to much negativity for them to handle.
I know you always try and put them first and that makes you a great mother, not a bad one. I can also tell that they love you very much. Now don't take this wrong, but I don't see that love coming from them when it comes to your mother. But know if it was me and the trailer opens up, I would be there so fast it would make your head spin. Both you and your kids deserve it. Your mother will do ok. She may not like it but will do ok. After the split maybe she will come to know that you are a good mom and trying to do what is best for all of you, even her. Or not but that is a risk you have to take. And no it is not all me, me, me with you despite what was said. I know better than that. ((((HUGGS))))