Farm chatter

[featherhead007]

I feel the need to elaborate on this-
I love a scene, especially a well written one, where character A either 1. passes out with no warning leaving character B to p a n i c and desperately try to revive A/figure out what happened/stop panicking because no i need to stay calm i nEED TO STAY CALM
or
2. character A is visibly ill but 'no i'm fine' and character B is uneasy but doesn't fully pick up on what's going on until character A passes out after being like 'no i'm fine' *stands up quickly* *passes out* and the panic as stated above ensues
or
3. character A is badly wounded and passes out right after our heroes win whatever battle so it shakes everyone else out of their celebration and into the aforementioned panic
OR (these ones are my favorites*
4. Character A and Character B were in a fight and one, but it's not obvious how bad character A was wounded until they collapse and either A) their hand falls away from where they were pressing it and you can see blood just start to soak the shirt (bonus points if the shirt is white) or B) they collapse forward and character B finally sees the knife sticking out of A's shoulder
Also:
Character A does something that pushes character B away/makes character B feel hurt, whether on purpose or by accident. Character B then leaves something without character A to go home early. Character B gets beat up and A gets worried because oh crap A left before me and still isn't home and goes looking for A and then B finds A all beat up in an alley with a black eye and a split lip and cracked ribs and FREAKS OUT because OMG IT"S ALL MY FAULT
so yeah those are my favorite scenes in books
did you guys ask for this? no
did you need this information? no
did you recieve it? Yes

Ya don't see that kind of content on "Star Trek"!

 

[black_cat]

I feel the need to elaborate on this-
I love a scene, especially a well written one, where character A either 1. passes out with no warning leaving character B to p a n i c and desperately try to revive A/figure out what happened/stop panicking because no i need to stay calm i nEED TO STAY CALM
or
2. character A is visibly ill but 'no i'm fine' and character B is uneasy but doesn't fully pick up on what's going on until character A passes out after being like 'no i'm fine' *stands up quickly* *passes out* and the panic as stated above ensues
or
3. character A is badly wounded and passes out right after our heroes win whatever battle so it shakes everyone else out of their celebration and into the aforementioned panic
OR (these ones are my favorites*
4. Character A and Character B were in a fight and one, but it's not obvious how bad character A was wounded until they collapse and either A) their hand falls away from where they were pressing it and you can see blood just start to soak the shirt (bonus points if the shirt is white) or B) they collapse forward and character B finally sees the knife sticking out of A's shoulder
Also:
Character A does something that pushes character B away/makes character B feel hurt, whether on purpose or by accident. Character B then leaves something without character A to go home early. Character B gets beat up and A gets worried because oh crap A left before me and still isn't home and goes looking for A and then B finds A all beat up in an alley with a black eye and a split lip and cracked ribs and FREAKS OUT because OMG IT"S ALL MY FAULT
so yeah those are my favorite scenes in books
did you guys ask for this? no
did you need this information? no
did you recieve it? Yes

May I also add....
Character A having nightmares and screaming/clawing at their skin/yelling words (EXTRA BONUS points if they're yelling character B's name) and character B wakes them up because they can't watch anymore, they just can't
bonus points if said nightmare was about A hurting B or B hurting A

and also

Character A gets brainwashed and is forced to fight character B. Character B doesn't fight back because they can't bring themselves to hurt A. Character B gets the crap beat out of them. character A wakes up and sees character B broken on the ground, and tears themself apart because nO WHO DID THIS DID I DO THAT NONONO I COULDNT NONONONONONO

If it centers around concern, guilt, or grief, I'm THERE for it is basically what I've taken a long time to say here.

 

[black_cat]

Currently listening to 'Mr. Blue Sky' By Electric Light Orchestra and I really love this song I think it's definitely worth a listen

 

[black_cat]

Hey guys did I scare you away i'm sorry

 

[ackie]

If it centers around concern, guilt, or grief, I'm THERE for it is basically what I've taken a long time to say here.

I like HAPPY
and fantasy worlds

 

[SBFChickenGirl]

I was about to say that unfortunately, I never find ANY of these in real books, only fanfiction

XD

If it centers around concern, guilt, or grief, I'm THERE for it is basically what I've taken a long time to say here.

XD

Hey guys did I scare you away i'm sorry

Nope! Still here. Just multitasking. Which I stink at.
And watching the eggs I just put in the bator...


Also BC, what do you think of this?
I wrote it.
Also, any title suggestions?
https://www.backyardchickens.com/threads/weekly-short-story-writing-contests.1432837/post-23678995

 

[black_cat]

I like HAPPY
and fantasy worlds

I like happy too (side note when I try to type happy it goes through as hay because my p key) but it lacks that quality emotional conflict

 

[ackie]

I'll bring it back to farm stuff lol
I got one egg today
& 7 pullets and 1 cockrell weren't in the coop when I counted
I don't usually count but 8 birds out of 22 is pretty noticeable
1 pullet and the cockrell were roosting on a stack of windows leaned up against the coop so I grabbed and moved them
and there are a ton of extra ladies up in the tree with the big girls, so I'm just gunna say that's all 6 of them
we are doing construction in front of the coop, whoopsie

 

[black_cat]

Also BC, what do you think of this?
I wrote it.
Also, any title suggestions?
https://www.backyardchickens.com/threads/weekly-short-story-writing-contests.1432837/post-23678995

Well, first off, before I've read any of it, I had to turn off my music to read it properly so that lost you a point. *clicks tounge disapprovingly*


After reading:
From a reader's standpoint: I Love your plotline, and how you were able to tie in enough background for everything to make sense while keeping it mysterious. I also like how you did a villain pOV, not a hero. I think that I could have used a bit more explanation on the nature of Shifter- what sort of powers, the origin of said powers, etc. At some points it seemed like Shifter was a common noun, not a name- describing some sort of creature, not being used as a title. Twist at the end was great, though for some reason I had been picturing our main character as female. Maybe a bit cliche, but the rest of the story that's anything but is able to balance it.

From a grammar/word standpoint: I LOVE your adjectives. I also LOVE how you varied the sentence length and structure, which made for a smooth read. Your line breaks were great as well- they gave the right tone when you're reading it, and were great in demonstrating what was narration and what was more background that the character would have not been actively thinking of. I will say that you forgot to indent when starting a new paragraph. The tense was also a bit confusing at times....it seemed a bit like the descriptions didn't always line up with the tense and that put me off a bit. Especially right here: "She should be gaining consciousness sometime soon. I left my room..." To make them match more, I would have done: "She would be gaining consciousness sometime soon. I left my room...." or "She should be regaining consciousness sometime soon. I leave my room....."
Overall I think it's AMAZING!!!!!!!! No good title suggestions....maybe 'Capture' or 'Victim' ?

 

[black_cat]

Ok guys what should I draw?