Feeling like my family doesn't care about my life.

[emmybug]

I know some people hate when their parents are overprotective, but I would love it. My parents never ask me how things are. When I trudge home and I'm feeling depressed, they dont even ask me what's wrong. Nope. "Emmy, do you homework! Did you do your chore? Clean the coop?" I keep really good grades, and a 4.0 GPA. I work hard for them, and i sometimes feel like no one cares. My friends all get showered in gifts, priveledges, and celebrations if they get 3 B's and an A. Me? No one cares when I get all A's... They take it for granted. I have half a mind to just let my grades slip so that they'll know what it's like. I do more for keeping myself pure and safe than they do... They never ask who I'm texting, why I'm wearing that, blah. I sound like a reverse teenager, I know, but it's not fun to feel like they don't care what happens. They're good parents; they just "trust me to make my own friends". Is it so wrong that I want someone to care, to praise me for my efforts, and encourage me?

 

[welasharon]

No you are not wrong for feeling that way. Everyone wants someone to care...problem is we all have different ideas of what "caring" means. Your parents most likely do care...they just don't show it the way you want. Be proud of how you do for yourself...not for anyone else. You are the only person who is going to be with "you" all your life. In time, there will be others who will care in the right way...until then you keep up the caring!
sharon

 

[lolita117]

Don't do all those things for them, but for yourself. Because if you don't do these things for yourself you will regret it but at the same time if you do wrong things in your life, you are the only one who suffers in the end. Keep your grades up, go to college and do good there and don't do things spur of the moment just cause. Those are the things you will regret the most.

 

[Glenmar]

 

[artsy1]

You sound like you really have it together. I would be so proud to have you as my child. Now is the time you need to realize that, the most important person in your life is ...............you. To make such great grades, and to make such smart and intelligent decisions, is awesome.
I have 2 grown children, they struggled so much with everything, I was always there to try to help them, but 1 of them made all the wrong decisions, no matter what I said or did. As an adult He still is struggling.
I am very proud of you and keep believing in yourself...God is on your side too...He loves you.

SMILE AND TRY TO CHEER UP.

 

[ChickensAreSweet]

I have to say that being a young or very young adult is about the hardest time in life from my experience.

It gets better...much better! Hang in there and keep calm. Your parents probably really like the fact they don't have to worry about you, is my guess.

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

How often do you spend time with your parents and really talk about what is going on in your life? Opening up is a two way street--you need to give them things to talk with you about. Tell them something exciting that happened at school or otherwise in your life. Let them see you excited about the things that interest you. And ask them about their life: often parents shelter their kids from their life--bills and jobs and family concerns, worries about how the world is moving, etc. Show them that you are interested in them, and share your own life with them--don;t just wait for them to notice. Tell them your hopes and fears and dreams. Let them know what you are thinking. They do not know you feel unappreciated if you do not tell them.

 

[swampcat]

WOW! I could have written this 14 years ago!

I know exactly how you feel. I never had a curfew. They wouldn't worry if I came home late or not at all. They didn't care if I was hanging out with 30 year old men when I was 17. Grades? Pfft. They didn't care if I even went to school.
And I was just like you, longing for that structure that shows the parental figures care. I remember it started pretty young. I think I was 10 or so when I first started punishing myself for slip-ups. I remember one time I came home late from supper when I was playing at the neighbors. My parents didn't care, but I grounded myself for a week. I got a bad grade? I would ground myself from the tv until the grade improved. Sometimes I wonder if they didn't care, or if neglectful parenting is the way to raise good kids.

Just realize that you are going to grow up to be an incredibly independent and trustworthy person. And if you decide to have kids, you will be the overprotective parent. I think it skips a generation

Hang in there.

 

[Bunnylady]

Sometimes I wonder if neglectful parenting is the way to raise good kids.

(Sorry for the edit, swampcat!) Not good kids, I wouldn't think, but maybe self-sufficient adults.

There are many different parenting styles, and what seems perfectly sensible to one may make no sense at all to another. And then again, some parents are just plain clueless!

Let's remember, though, that the point of the exercise is to produce functional, responsible, reasonably happy adults. While small children need a lot of structure, having someone else dictate their every breath doesn't teach a child how to weigh choices and make good decisions. We all have to navigate a course between the total dependence of an infant, and the total independence of an adult, and parents must decide when to hang on, and when to let go and trust the child. We all have to learn that actions have consequences, and learn to discipline ourselves. The overprotective parent may think they are looking out for the interest of their child, but what the child may actually be learning is not to trust him or herself. While we all love to feel appreciated, anyone who works to earn praise and gifts as an adult is going to be frequently disappointed. The person who learns to do a job for their own satisfaction rather than to please someone else will be happy when the job is done, whether or not someone else notices it (hopefully, someone will notice, but then the praise is "gravy" rather than the goal).

What you see as indifference from your parents may just be awkwardness. When they don't ask you what's going on, they may be trying to respect your space. You are becoming an adult, and the questions that they might have asked you as a child would be just plain rude to ask another adult. They may feel like, "if she wants me to know about this, she'll say something. If I ask, she'll think I'm just being nosy and don't trust her." I'm sure that, deep down, they are very proud of you, they just don't have a way of showing it that you are seeing. I'm sure they care very much about you and what you do. Some of us are just better at giving "strokes" than others. I know I often get so preoccupied with all the things going on in my own life, I forget that the independent people that we all are are also interdependent, and I have to make a deliberate point of saying, "hey, you matter to me" in a way that my family members can hear. Fortunately, most of my family understand what I'm like, so they know that praise from me is praise indeed - not some automatic response that I do without thinking.

Sounds to me like the mature young woman in you is doing a good job of taking care of herself, while the little girl in you still needs parental support and approval. Makes sense to me!

 

[Oregon Blues]

It's probably not so much that they don't care as that they don't know how to show it. There is no qualifying to be a parent and some people aren't suitable. That is not your fault, so don't take the blame for other people's short-comings.

However, if they really don't care, you should not be waiting for other people to give meaning to your life. Set your goals and go for it. Get those good grades so you can get scholarships and go to college to learn some sort of valuable skill that will give you a meaningful career.

If you have to leave them behind, then leave them behind. Don't allow them to be an anchor to your life and drag you down.

You have my sympathy because I know it is tough. Some things you can't change. If you can't change them, then figure out how to make it work for you.