Sometimes I wonder if neglectful parenting is the way to raise good kids.
(Sorry for the edit, swampcat!) Not good
kids, I wouldn't think, but maybe self-sufficient adults.
There are many different parenting styles, and what seems perfectly sensible to one may make no sense at all to another. And then again, some parents are just plain clueless!
Let's remember, though, that the point of the exercise is to produce functional, responsible, reasonably happy adults. While small children need a lot of structure, having someone else dictate their every breath doesn't teach a child how to weigh choices and make good decisions. We all have to navigate a course between the total dependence of an infant, and the total independence of an adult, and parents must decide when to hang on, and when to let go and trust the child. We all have to learn that actions have consequences, and learn to discipline ourselves. The overprotective parent may think they are looking out for the interest of their child, but what the child may actually be learning is not to trust him or herself. While we all love to feel appreciated, anyone who works to earn praise and gifts as an adult is going to be frequently disappointed. The person who learns to do a job for their own satisfaction rather than to please someone else will be happy when the job is done, whether or not someone else notices it (hopefully, someone will notice, but then the praise is "gravy" rather than the goal).
What you see as indifference from your parents may just be awkwardness. When they don't ask you what's going on, they may be trying to respect your space. You are becoming an adult, and the questions that they might have asked you as a child would be just plain rude to ask another adult. They may feel like, "if she wants me to know about this, she'll say something. If I ask, she'll think I'm just being nosy and don't trust her." I'm sure that, deep down, they are very proud of you, they just don't have a way of showing it that you are seeing. I'm sure they care very much about you and what you do. Some of us are just better at giving "strokes" than others. I know I often get so preoccupied with all the things going on in my own life, I forget that the independent people that we all are are also interdependent, and I have to make a deliberate point of saying, "hey, you matter to me" in a way that my family members can hear. Fortunately, most of my family understand what I'm like, so they know that praise from me is praise indeed - not some automatic response that I do without thinking.
Sounds to me like the mature young woman in you is doing a good job of taking care of herself, while the little girl in you still needs parental support and approval. Makes sense to me!
