The war on squirrels has taken an ugly turn.
My wife is evil, very devious and very evil. I think she is a witch, not in behavior, but in the style of Salem, Ma. witches. She causes many problems and escalates conflict. She did so today. She knows I hate the squirrels. She has secretly laughed at me, and I think actually rooted for the squirrels to win.
Of course, like a genuine Mata Hara, she never lets on to her true feelings.
We can be having coffee, watching the morning news and if a squirrel gets on the bird feeder, she will say " that darn ( she says Darn because she read the BYC rules on profanity) squirrel is scaring away all my little birds"
Not that she spends 3 seconds feeding them, cleaning the feeders and picking up after them. NO, that all falls on my shoulders.
She also knows the squirrels will run for cover as soon as the door to the house opens. The oak trees here are so old and hollow they can find protection and wait me out anywhere and at anytime.
This morning I was enjoying my second cup of coffee, I had been out and let the girls out of their coop, picked up the first round of eggs. I gave BOSS to the layers and turkeys. I gave the CX's some wild bird seed spread on the ground in front of their coop. I swore at the guineas and went in for another cup of coffee.
BTW I already had potatoes browned and in the oven roasting, bacon on the grill and eggs ready to be scrambled for her breakfast. The kitchen was as spotless as I always keep it. I had fed the dogs. Then as I sipped my second cup of coffee, she crawls out of bed looking like something Godzilla barfed up the night before, she shuffles by me on the way to the bathroom.
She stops at the kitchen window and looks out it and says, " Are you going to just let those squirrels eat all the expensive bird seed?".
Of course I replied " What Squirrel"
Her comeback stung me with " not squirrel, squirrels"
"Where"
"Eating your stupid chickens food in front of their coop"
So I got up letting my coffee get cold and went to investigate. Sure enough there were 2 squirrels eating the CX's treats. I swore at them, in a manner not in compliance with the BYC rules of conduct. She laughed and said " Are you going to just let them do that?"
Here we go, a challenge to my manhood! This had to be righted. I tried to do it in a sly manner, by simply responding, " I have my .17 right here, loaded and ready to go."
Her, " well, it does no good just sitting there".
I am not dumb, I knew she wanted me to try and shoot the darn squirrel so she could laugh at ma and tease me all day for letting it go. Coming after the trapping debacle I knew this to be true.,
I tried to get out of it by saying " as soon as I open the door they will run" Thinking that put the matter to bed, but no.
She replies snarkedly (spell check hates that word) " Your just making excuses for when you miss it".
I think this is when she cast the spell, I am not sure. I picked up the gun, I was going to show her.
I snuck the door open and the squirrels true to form took off. I knew I was in for a day of misery. I stepped out on the deck, and one squirrel stopped climbing the tree to laugh at me. I am sure it was the male of the pair, The only reason he stopped was because the female said in Squirrelese to the poor male "Are you going to let him scare you off good bird seed?"
I took careful aim and shot. To everyone's surprise the squirrel flinched, held on to the branch a few seconds and fell to the ground dead. I left it there for chicken protein.
I stepped back in the house, feeling guilty for killing the poor squirrel, but happy I had complied with my brides wishes.
Only to have her say" How could you kill that cute little thing ?"
It is going to be a long day here for me.
