Foster Parents/ Adoption

[nayeli]

@Rhandi74 Thank you both soo much! I have the class Thursday... It's just a long process with no promises and it can seem daunting and the people I have dealt with so far or talked to about it in person/phone have all been discouraging =/ I'm hoping things move along now! @Alice28

 

[Alice28]

@Rhandi74
 Thank you both soo much! I have the class Thursday... It's just a long process with no promises and it can seem daunting and the people I have dealt with so far or talked to about it in person/phone have all been discouraging =/ I'm hoping things move along now!  @Alice28

Once I went to the orientation I felt a lot better. I had called all these numbers no one answered and it ha all been frustrating, but orientation was great. They gave you all the numbers you need (the right numbers) gave you all the class info we needed and were extreamly posative, nice and helpful

 

[pinusresinosa]

The one good home I lived in, my foster mother had an extensive education on the human condition (psychology, child development, stuff like that) and had worked in human services for many years before she became a counselor. She was able to help me work through my worst moments and understand why I was who I was and why things were they way they were. She had a way of offering me perspective that I could understand, which gave me hope and direction. No one had ever done that before, or after. She could because she had the tools. She was mature. Educated. Financially fully secure. Emotionally secure. She had energy and time to be empathetic. Do you both have the education and experience and maturity you need to offer these sorts of things to children who need them more, need more sensitivity, need more everything than other children? Most people don't- and since both of you can barely spell, I would assume you're both lacking in these areas. I'm not trying to be mean or rude. I'm also being honest.

Well, I wish you both luck. I think you're going to need it. Regardless of what you think I know and how that ties into what I meant by "lingering effects" says a lot- meaning, I hope you both gain the tools you're going to need because you're lacking them. Honesty is one thing- that's easy. You're not going to do right by children with these sorts of needs by pure honesty alone. In fact, in a lot of ways, that might actually harm them.

In general, I'm a positive person. I'm giving this "negative" voice here because, well for one- I can. And two- this is not the kind of job brand new excited parents should undertake. I see your approach as having nothing to really do with wanting to help children in need. I'm seeing a lot of wanting to fill the nest sort of stuff and that's not right. None of this is right.

 

[nayeli]

The one good home I lived in, my foster mother had an extensive education on the human condition (psychology, child development, stuff like that) and had worked in human services for many years before she became a counselor. She was able to help me work through my worst moments and understand why I was who I was and why things were they way they were. She had a way of offering me perspective that I could understand, which gave me hope and direction. No one had ever done that before, or after. She could because she had the tools. She was mature. Educated. Financially fully secure. Emotionally secure. She had energy and time to be empathetic. Do you both have the education and experience and maturity you need to offer these sorts of things to children who need them more, need more sensitivity, need more everything than other children? Most people don't- and since both of you can barely spell, I would assume you're both lacking in these areas. I'm not trying to be mean or rude. I'm also being honest.

Well, I wish you both luck. I think you're going to need it. Regardless of what you think I know and how that ties into what I meant by "lingering effects" says a lot- meaning, I hope you both gain the tools you're going to need because you're lacking them. Honesty is one thing- that's easy. You're not going to do right by children with these sorts of needs by pure honesty alone. In fact, in a lot of ways, that might actually harm them.

In general, I'm a positive person. I'm giving this "negative" voice here because, well for one- I can. And two- this is not the kind of job brand new excited parents should undertake. I see your approach as having nothing to really do with wanting to help children in need. I'm seeing a lot of wanting to fill the nest sort of stuff and that's not right. None of this is right.

For your information, I'm in college right now. I have had a college reading level since I was in fifth or sixth grade. I took a child development class in high school, not that that makes me an expert of course. I have been reading parenting advice, magazines, blogs, etc since I was 11 years old. I have been babysitting for many years, and my aunt actually came to me for advice about her children.

I'm not taking on an older child; I don't feel like I have either the experience nor the training to be able to help them, sure I could empathize but I haven't been in their situation nor have I met enough people who have to more fully grasp what they are feeling.

As far as me not really wanting to help a child but doing it for selfish reasons, no one takes in a child because they don't want to. Good mothers WANT to be mothers! Even if I were to become pregnant today I would still want to adopt in the future and would still have an issue with a system that is flawed.

Infants are also not going to need more of anything, unless they were born addicted to drugs or are special needs. Yes, infants recognize their mother from day one but if their mother can't care for them and they go into foster care or are adopted they 100% can bond with their new parent and thrive!

 

[nayeli]

Once I went to the orientation I felt a lot better. I had called all these numbers no one answered and it ha all been frustrating, but orientation was great. They gave you all the numbers you need (the right numbers) gave you all the class info we needed and were extreamly posative, nice and helpful

The lady I spoke to about the classes was actually pretty great. She said come prepared to ask questions cause that is your time!

 

[Rhandi74]

Wow...pinusresinosa my heart bleeds for you. To have so much hatred to be discouraging potential great homes for children, you must not be healed from all the pain and suffering the system put you through. I completely understand as I have children who I do not believe will ever fully heal from their wounds. They definatly have improved and continue to improve but when you go through something so horrific, you do not just forget how awful people can be. The good thing is they can learn that there is good people and they can learn to trust. I hope you continue to heal emotionally and some day you can see good in people and trust people.

 

[Alice28]

Wow...pinusresinosa my heart bleeds for you. To have so much hatred to be discouraging potential great homes for children, you must not be healed from all the pain and suffering the system put you through. I completely understand as I have children who I do not believe will ever fully heal from their wounds. They definatly have improved and continue to improve but when you go through something so horrific, you do not just forget how awful people can be. The good thing is they can learn that there is good people and they can learn to trust. I hope you continue to heal emotionally and some day you can see good in people and trust people.

X2. I'm very sorry you are so angry and feel the need to lash out at others. How would you feel if I read all your negative comments and told you with all your negativity you should re think being a parent? If you had actually read my posts you would have seen I have six experience in group homes. I'm very sorry you are so unhappy and hope you can get some much needed help moving past your childhood. Obviously your ability to spell hasn't helped your attitude.

 

[Alice28]

For some reason anytime someone says they want to foster or adopt, there always seem to be some negative person coming in with every negative thing they can. Having many adopted members in my family, I am lucky to have so many people who are posative and know what the process is like. It makes me think, if everyone listened to all the negative comments, there would be no foster homes and no one would adopt. I just don't get the attacking random people online..... It's a weird trend society has taken up. Taking anger out on strangers. It's so odd to me!
I have an aunt who was in and out of foster care, had a horrific childhood and is still the most positive person. She was so happy we want to do foster care because she knows how it is as a child. Thank goodness there are people like that who are pro good foster homes and don't judge strangers and twist there words! Foster children need positive happy homes. It has to be tiring being so unhappy.

 

[nayeli]

Here in TN if you email someone they will never get back to you. We had to call DCS directly and ask when the PATH classes were. If you would like to speed up the process you should call them. Ask about when the classes are to become foster parents. We did not feel it was hard to get certified as foster parents just a little time consuming but in TN they offered night classes and weekend classes for people who worked. As for how you can treat the children, they prefer for you to treat them like your own. There is some rules like absolutely no physical punishments and you must get birth parents permission if you want to cut the child's hair. As for breast feeding they never stated any kind of rules on this. They will inform you that you're more likely to get a placement if you are willing to take older children. My youngest placement was 4 months but he ended up going with his Aunt in another state. My children came to me at all different ages the youngest age my adopted children were placed with us was 9 months and the oldest age was 8 years. Typically you will get a placement much faster if you are willing to take sibling groups or older children. Most infants go to immediate family or are drug addicted and very sick when they are placed in your home. Another thing to think about is that they will most likely be in foster care for at least 12 months before a decision is made on whether or not they are adopted or reunified with their birth parents. We fostered around 30 children and only one infant was long term because family members ended up taking them. They pressured us to take teenagers but we never did and we had plenty of placements. In my experience the hardest thing to deal with was the birth parents. Hope this answers your questions and feel free to ask more questions if you still have more.

I just saw this! For me its difficult finding the right number to call. I think things will go much better now that I have someone that I can go to and call! I'm not worried about it being time consuming for myself but with my husband being military it might be a little hard for him while he is on nights, to make it to the classes. We are going to do adopt/foster so our primary goal will be adopting but most babies that become adoptable are adopted by foster families so that is the best route to becoming adoptive parents.
How long have you been a foster parent? Also have you adopted?

 

[Rhandi74]

I just saw this! For me its difficult finding the right number to call. I think things will go much better now that I have someone that I can go to and call! I'm not worried about it being time consuming for myself but with my husband being military it might be a little hard for him while he is on nights, to make it to the classes. We are going to do adopt/foster so our primary goal will be adopting but most babies that become adoptable are adopted by foster families so that is the best route to becoming adoptive parents.
How long have you been a foster parent? Also have you adopted?

We are no longer foster parents because our family is complete . We fostered for 10 years and most of the children were very temporary just till they could contact family, this is due to the process DCS has to go through when children are removed from their home. 11 were long term placements and 7 we adopted. I also have custody of 3 of my children's, biological cousins, which we refer to as our niece and nephew, so we have 9 children total. My niece is 4 and the youngest, my youngest is my 6 year old daughter, a 8 year old son, another 8 year old son, a nine year old son, a 10 year old daughter, a 10 year old nephew, a 14 year old daughter, and my oldest is my 15 year old son. We had the same primary goal of adoption. My niece and nephew are with us temporarily until their Mom sells her house. Feel free to ask more questions if you have them and I will do my best to answer them.