friendectomy

[melloladies]

Help! I have a "friend" who I hung out with for about a year- and I haven't initiated contact with her in over a year now. I don't have anything in common with her, and I really don't agree with how she lives her life, so I would prefer NOT to see her anymore. But she keeps calling me...and inviting me over...and I feel like I can't keep putting her off. She's exhausting. I don't want to hurt her feelings, but how do you brush someone like that off???
Any experience? Am I mean?

 

[PotterWatch]

I've had that experience but luckily the person I wanted to avoid lived in the next state over. I just quit answering the phone when she called (thank you caller id). She eventually quit calling.

 

[Judy]

I'm afraid that, in her position, what I would consider mean is the brushing off. Why not just tell her what you've told us, nothing in common, not comfortable with how she lives -- but make it about your feelings, not what she does or interested in. "I feel" or "I think" -- active listening techniques -- not "you should" or "you don't."

 

[HHandbasket]

I agree. I think a dose of honesty is in order. It's hard, and I feel for ya. Good on you for worrying about hurting her feelings, but I think you are probably hurting her feelings more by brushing her off time and again (I know my feelings would be hurt). She obviously thinks the two of your are still friends, and how fair is it for you to let her go on thinking that you're her friend when you're clearly not?

Just call her up and be honest with her. But prepare to lose any mutual friends the two of you may have... it's a sticky situation and I wish you all the best! It's not easy.

Hugs to you!

 

[melloladies]

Quote:
Well now, there's an idea. Honesty.
The only problem I have with that is- really- if someone told you those things.... it would still hurt. Nobody likes to be told "hey! I don't like you!"
I know tact is not one of my strengths... so I doubt I could have a conversation with her, and have her walk away not thinking it was a witch.

 

[melloladies]

Also- I'm a big ninny and I avoid confrontation at all costs!!!!

 

[sonew123]

maybe she has changed "her living ways"? and is trying to contact you again for that reason? All it takes is one conversation to hear her voice and atittude to judge correctly? Honesty is the best policy though

 

[HHandbasket]

Quote:
Ugh, I'm with you. I hate that confrontation crap. Instead of making it confrontative, though, just talk to her. IT's like another person said, she may have good things going on in her life to share with you, knowing that it's something you two may have in common after all.

If she keeps reaching out to you this way, it might be worthwhile to get to know her again and decide where her friendship fits into your life afterward. Just talk to her... it ain't gonna kill ya. Go have coffee.

 

[jennh]

Quote:
X 2

 

[sonjab314]

You may not want to tell her that you dont like her so put it this way. Just tell her that you two have not spoken in over a year and you feel that you have grown in a different direction and do not feel that you two would be compatable as friends. Its nice and polite with little to no feelings being hurt.