Funny fart stories: you'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll gag!!

[FrChuckW]

Renee,

I can sympathize with your husband over his condition. I don't have diabetes, but because I had my gall bladder removed I developed that same problem. And it does hit at the most inoportune moments. Have him ask his doctor about Omeprazole 20MG and Loperamide HCL 2MG. They both help with that problem, you take them about 15 minutes before you eat twice a day.

 

[dirtdoctor]

Well, when i was about 16, possibly younger, but it was a time that i might have died, if it wasnt for the fact that on my dads birthday celebration dinner, he was at the emergency room. He is a ER doctor. so we celebrated in his honor at his mothers house.. 6 course meal, fine china properly dressed kids etc..
well my sis and i had been laughing at something, i dont recall what it was but, it started the giggles.. During that meal, my stomach had that wave of pressure build up.. one that im sure could fill the hindenburg, well, being in the polite company of two grandmothers, a mother, and four siblings. I was careful to suppress such a release that could quite possibly float the hindenberg.
So during the course of the meal, we ate laughed and enjoyed the fantastic food. but a dessert time. the wave of pressure started crashing like the ocean against the rocks, but surely as it crashed with power it subsided gently, and i could continue talking and partaking with the festivities. well, at grandmothers house we sat on wonderful wooden carved chairs.. the seat of the chair fit the buns so well, it was rather comfy to sit in for along time. but the fireplace being on, the warmth of the room and the dessert being served.. the conversations got a little louder and soon that Wave of pressure came and presented itself so grandly, at the same moment my sister told me something rather funny.. well ... suppressing a laugh and trying to maintain composure in this refined household, it was too much for my sis and i,, that second chortle of laughter erupted and so did the little booming sound out of my seat, with each suppressed chuckle, i resounded with a release of pressure.. until i could hold it no more.. The SEAT splitting noise.. was LOUD.. i will say few words can rightly describe the events that happened after that last booming pressure release. but my grandmother stood up in her place and exclaimed, " ARE YOU ALRIGHT", those words rung thru my brain and the laughter continued.. My sister sitting next to me died when she fell on the floor gasping Are You Alright.. are you alright.. well soon after my reddened face could look at everyone at the table i apologized for such a eruption. and my mother her face was ashen,, shocked at my antics.. my sister was still laughing, are you alright... over and over.. my grandpa, he said to me , That was unbelievable". and my other grandmother looked at me and said , well, it has to come out sometime, im just glad your father wasnt here.
so at any family get together, you can hear the quiet Are You Alright,, spoken at one time or another and the laughing begins again...

 

[Ewe Mama2]

OK, this one happened to some good friends of ours...

They were just out of college, recently married, and decided to attend a party at a friend's apartment - the type of place that a new college graduate can afford. The apartment was packed with people. Unfortunately for our friend, he suddenly started having intestinal distress. Also unfortunately for our friend, he is very shy about using other people's bathrooms. The only bathroom in the apartment was convienently located right off of the living room. There was no way he was going to do what he needed to do in a bathroom mere inches from a room full of people who could hear (and smell) what he needed to do.

He kept trying to nudge his very out-going, talkative wife toward the door so they could make a hasty departure, but she wouldn't take the hint. He was practically doubled over, in utter agony, and she didn't even notice. He kept whispering in her ear, "Come on, we HAVE to go!" Finally, the inevitable happened. He tried to relieve a little pressure and ended up "bunting too hard". He grabbed his wife by the arm and dragged her to the door, while she was protesting. She caught a whiff of something, and said, "What's that smell?". He turned beet red and yelled, "I sh*t myself!"

The drive home was a very uncomfortable one. She was driving and he was trying to perch sideways without soiling the seat of their new car. Of course the windows were rolled down and she couldn't drive home fast enough!

 

[Backyard Buddies]

Could be worse . . .
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090408/ap_on_fe_st/odd_flatulence_fight

 

[TheOLDNewChick]

Yeah.

I'm gassy today. Be thankful y'all are where y'all are, not where I am.

 

[ChicknJ]

Ok, I'll tell mine, you peeps are so funny

I used to work for a real jerk of a Dr. and I have always suffered with IBS but this guy,,,,well, lets say he was always riding my A@@
so my revenge was whenever I needed to release a little pressure, I would walk in his office when he wasn't there and let er rip... Lord, there were some bad GI days.... he would walk in there and walk out with a strange look on his face.... some days I would see him walk in ... pause, sniff sniff, It was so funny.

 

[JennsPeeps]

 

[Pupsnpullets]

Tonight in the book store some woman was out of my sight behind the bookstands talking very loudly, in a domineering tone, to someone with her. She just went on and on in that loud, precise, bossy, tone of hers and I never did hear a verbal response to whoever was with her. A couple of minutes later I hear a loud rumbling fart. The woman was instantly silent, but only briefly. Next I hear "that was bad! Walk away from me NOW!!" I, of course, got the giggles as I reflected over the incident and realised that was probably the only way her poor companion got any peace at all. Nobody else in the store near me copped to hearing anything!! Boring people.

 

[chickens4me]

The End. Please?! I just can't laugh anymore tonite.

 

[LilDucky85]

Quote:
OMG I cant stop laughing. The way you wrote it was if I was actually there. I really needed this tonight (This is my first hatch, my first duck hatched 5 days early without absorbing all yolk so Im upset.)