Know what a budget is, how to make it, and learn to live by it--BOTH of you. I do believe money is the single biggest problem most couples have.
Rusty
Rusty
Getting married and moving out!
- Thread starter urban dreamer
- Start date
Wish I had advice for you... but I moved out long before meeting anyone and getting married. I truly believe you have to be responsible for yourself, because you can equally share responsibility with anyone else. Because if it doesn't work, you know you can hold your own.
Though I do suggest that you both have your own bank accounts for your own separate stuff, and separate spending money. Then keep a joint account for household bills and payments... and time you share together stuff!
Finances are the #1 killer of Marriage!
Don't ignore it, it won't ever go away!!!
Though I do suggest that you both have your own bank accounts for your own separate stuff, and separate spending money. Then keep a joint account for household bills and payments... and time you share together stuff!
Finances are the #1 killer of Marriage!
- Thread starter
- #13
Quote:
Oh I know. We do have separte account for bills and "play". "Play" also includes gas, food, ect. so we do watch our expenses carefully. College certainly isn't as fun as I thought it was when I was in high school! We are doing good I think, we've paid our car off and have good credit scores, better than most 21 year olds!
Oh I know. We do have separte account for bills and "play". "Play" also includes gas, food, ect. so we do watch our expenses carefully. College certainly isn't as fun as I thought it was when I was in high school! We are doing good I think, we've paid our car off and have good credit scores, better than most 21 year olds!
DON'T get credit cards.. even store ones LOL. i found that out.. we are still fighting those battles. ugh. no one ever gave me good advice on marriage and finances. my mom was never around for me during my schooling years. she never gave a hoot when it come to money towards me.. showing me how to save or even telling me the woes of life. ya know? i had to learn it the hard way and im still struggling on it. i have three kids and life is def. harder with extra bills from the credit cards. only buy what you can afford now. or save for it if you really want it. right now i need to buy new shoes.. and im putting off buying something else so i can afford those shoes. cuz i have to pay my credit cards too. so.. yeah i have to say that money woes are the worst for marriages.
but other than that.. congrats and be true to yourself and don't do everything for him.. he WILL come to expect it LOL
but other than that.. congrats and be true to yourself and don't do everything for him.. he WILL come to expect it LOL
- Thread starter
- #15
We have one credit card. Got is a couple of years ago and it is paid off every month. We got it to build credit but it has also helped us out a few times. It's never had more than 300 dollars charged to it and its never sometime I could not turn around and pay off within two weeks. I have a pretty good credit score because of it.
Yeah, i wish i had better sense when it had come to the credit cards. we don't have a good score now because of them. I should have rephrased when i said my mom didn't give a hoot when it came to money to me. it should have read, "she didn't give a hoot about me in general" oh well, such is life. i learned nearly everything the hard way on my own.. or with my DH. but i think it's made me a better person in the long run. I won't be like her. ill know better LOL.
the other advice i have for ya "don't go to bed angry". it may sound cheesy but it works
the other advice i have for ya "don't go to bed angry". it may sound cheesy but it works
Overestimate what you think your expenses will be, those little things add up quickly.
As to living independently & getting married, the importance of good communication skills cannot be overstressed. Don't let feelings bottle up inside of you. You do want to learn to decide what is a big enough deal to bring up and discuss. Learn to see those annoying things that we all do as "quirks" and don't let them bother you. It's also important to remember that his motivation for doing or saying something may not be the same as it is for you - we're back to communication.
Have fun getting your own place, it's a pretty exciting step!
As to living independently & getting married, the importance of good communication skills cannot be overstressed. Don't let feelings bottle up inside of you. You do want to learn to decide what is a big enough deal to bring up and discuss. Learn to see those annoying things that we all do as "quirks" and don't let them bother you. It's also important to remember that his motivation for doing or saying something may not be the same as it is for you - we're back to communication.
Have fun getting your own place, it's a pretty exciting step!
Quote:
I think that would be an EXCELLENT addition to Home Ect, better still, required. SO many 'kids' are leaving school, going out into the world and they just have NO idea. I knew mom was the saver and stepdad the spender (heard her gripe) but she never took the time to show any of us what smart spending was... would have been a huge help! And nowadays, with your credit score meaning more than anything... it's really vital.
Heck, mom has an 780 with two agencies and a 780 and a THING with the other... she filed a dispute because of an doc bill, eventually they paid it once the doc actually submitted it. But the credit agency won't remove her own question, though there is no debt involved at all... it was just a freaking question! Anywho, her regular bank wouldn't give her a loan because of that... even with a $40,000 down payment AND $26000 in instant equity!! With a 780, 100% dependable income... etc. So, if she couldn't get a loan from her regular bank (never one late payment, nsf, etc in over a decade with them) and had to go to another bank -who uses one of the other two agencies for their reports so that THING didn't hurt her- then no one can.
Anywho, just pointing out that with credit so important, that even people with perfect credit can't get a loan... it's more important than ever to teach our youngsters about budgeting, how banks work (sneaky buggers), how credit reporting works, etc. Because figuring it out on your own will land you totally screwed for ever buying a home...
I think that would be an EXCELLENT addition to Home Ect, better still, required. SO many 'kids' are leaving school, going out into the world and they just have NO idea. I knew mom was the saver and stepdad the spender (heard her gripe) but she never took the time to show any of us what smart spending was... would have been a huge help! And nowadays, with your credit score meaning more than anything... it's really vital.
Heck, mom has an 780 with two agencies and a 780 and a THING with the other... she filed a dispute because of an doc bill, eventually they paid it once the doc actually submitted it. But the credit agency won't remove her own question, though there is no debt involved at all... it was just a freaking question! Anywho, her regular bank wouldn't give her a loan because of that... even with a $40,000 down payment AND $26000 in instant equity!! With a 780, 100% dependable income... etc. So, if she couldn't get a loan from her regular bank (never one late payment, nsf, etc in over a decade with them) and had to go to another bank -who uses one of the other two agencies for their reports so that THING didn't hurt her- then no one can.
Anywho, just pointing out that with credit so important, that even people with perfect credit can't get a loan... it's more important than ever to teach our youngsters about budgeting, how banks work (sneaky buggers), how credit reporting works, etc. Because figuring it out on your own will land you totally screwed for ever buying a home...
I may get slammed for these things but whatever!!! Ken and I never go out with other people of the opposite sex for any reason whatsoever, unless there are other people there. We have a joint account and we discuss - he is a debit card junkie and I have to keep tight reins on him.
Follow the five year rule. If that annoyance that just happened that made you want to toss the spaghetti sauce down his pants is really gonna be important in five years, stop and talk.
If something bothers you, sit him and down and let him know - in a way that doesn't make him feel responsible for your feelings. Starting out with "you make me...." NOPE. Start out with "When you said/did that I felt......" Money is a big fight starter - work it our ahead of time, nip it in the bud when one or ther goes astray.
Intimacy is another one that is really a relationship breaker. COMMUNICATE about your needs, and make sure you know his too. Be vocal, be open, ask him ALOT of questions during moments of intimacy. Eventually you will learn and not have missteps, but expect them at first.
Follow the five year rule. If that annoyance that just happened that made you want to toss the spaghetti sauce down his pants is really gonna be important in five years, stop and talk.
If something bothers you, sit him and down and let him know - in a way that doesn't make him feel responsible for your feelings. Starting out with "you make me...." NOPE. Start out with "When you said/did that I felt......" Money is a big fight starter - work it our ahead of time, nip it in the bud when one or ther goes astray.
Intimacy is another one that is really a relationship breaker. COMMUNICATE about your needs, and make sure you know his too. Be vocal, be open, ask him ALOT of questions during moments of intimacy. Eventually you will learn and not have missteps, but expect them at first.
Create a budget together, and stick to it together.
A quick note about what's included in a monthly budget - I've included the financial info we are providing our 18 year old daughter:
Rent: $800
Water: $ 75
Electric: $150
Car payment: $300
Car insurance: $100 (conservative if you're under 25 or a male)
Gas $125
Groceries $400
Phone $ 50
Entertainment/Fun $100 (doesn't go far!
internet/cable $100
Misc. household expenses $ 50 (ie stamps for mailing and other things that come up)
Hair cuts etc $15 (if you budget this per month you will be able to afford a $30 hair cut every 8weeks)
Total $2,200+
This isn't everything....but it's what comes to mind right now. I'll update if I can think of more.
A quick note about what's included in a monthly budget - I've included the financial info we are providing our 18 year old daughter:
Rent: $800
Water: $ 75
Electric: $150
Car payment: $300
Car insurance: $100 (conservative if you're under 25 or a male)
Gas $125
Groceries $400
Phone $ 50
Entertainment/Fun $100 (doesn't go far!
internet/cable $100
Misc. household expenses $ 50 (ie stamps for mailing and other things that come up)
Hair cuts etc $15 (if you budget this per month you will be able to afford a $30 hair cut every 8weeks)
Total $2,200+
This isn't everything....but it's what comes to mind right now. I'll update if I can think of more.
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