Getting married and moving out!

[Rusty Hills Farm]

Quote:
Don't forget the water and electric. Heck, my electric bill this month alone was over $300 because of the 100+ degree days we are having this summer. Then there's all the insurance: household insurance, life insurance, health insurance. Plus you need to stash away a bit for emergencies and repairs--car, tv, computer--it's amazing how big a hole one car repair can gobble out of your budget if you haven't prepared for emergencies.

Rusty

 

[Mattemma]

Agree on pets before getting them.
It is OK to be at home together BUT in seperate rooms.Dh likes certain shows that I don't care for,and sometimes I want to read while he likes all lights off.It is OK to go do your own thing.I always felt like we HAD to be together constantly.
Cook large meals and let dh know to help himself so you don't have to drop everything just to put a meal on the table for him.
Definetly let your spouse know if something they said or are doing is bothering you.You don't say anything then one day you will explode over a dish left in the living room!

Talk about illness, injury, and death.What you both want done if you are dead or dying(pull the plug,nursing care,cremation,and so on).Consider insurance to cover home mortgage or atleast funeral expenses.Do what is need to avoid the expenses of probate court.


Oh and a biggie is children and raising them.Starts with delivery choices,circ,bfing,vaccines,schooling choices,religion.

I like that the home is a haven for the family.Bad days get left at the curb for the most part,so we know that when we walk through that door we won't get hostile with each other.If we are crabby we go off to be alone somewhere in the home/yard until we are feeling better.Not nice to take our crabbiness out on a loved one.

Don't feel like you have to keep track of everyones birthday,anniversary,and so on.If you are into that then do it,but otherwise let spouse know you can barely keep track of your own birthday let alone everyone elses.

Enjoy each other and life. The time we have together is way to short,and we often forget while fretting over daily tasks.

Each paycheck you need to pay YOURSELF first.Even if it is just $10 put it into an account and start investing it when you have enough to get into something.

 

[onthespot]

What you buy doesn't define you. Don't buy a bunch of stuff. Less is WAY more! Lots easier to clean around.

You have to work for $140 for every $100 you spend, so don't think of it as costing $100, know it cost you $140 worth of work for every hundred you spend.

Stay as employed as you can for as long as you can. Get jobs with benefits asap and hang onto them.

Contribute to your IRA and 401k early and often. Think of it as your secret money tree you got growing off to the side.

Build your own credit history separate from his. This is REALLY IMPORTANT!!!

Use at least three kinds of birth control at all times until you are 100% ready for kids. I am not kidding on this one either!

Try going to marriage counselling every now and then before there is a big problem, then he will more likely go if there is one.

No one gets to tell you what to do in your marriage unless they are paying your way. Love your folks, but hug them from arm's length when they start to give too much advice.

No one flops for free unless it is a kid too young to work. Smaller kids do chores, lots of them.

Go over your bills every month, TOGETHER.

Balance your checkbook.

You only "deserve" a special expensive treat if you have already worked enough to set aside money to enjoy it. That goes for both of you, and the kids too.

Hope my list was not too boring. Mostly it boils down to money every time, sooner or later. Learn to be iron fisted with the $ and you will most likely do okay.

 

[sgtmom52]

There is a lot of good advice here. I would like to add to the budget list ~ put a monthly stipend into a retirement account such as a Roth IRA. You will not regret it in the future.

Also sit down and make out a written will including a living will outlining medical wishes and if/when you have children who would take custody of them and their finances should something unforeseen happen. In my case I was OK with my ex husband having custody with our daughter, but I gave my sister control of the $$ if something would have happened to me he would have to go to her for expense $$ (didn't need to use that plan!)

 

[chicky_mama]

Think long and hard before starting a family......you have to be on the same page about how to raise them or this will be a huge problem later on.
Debt will kill your marriage so make sure that you stay out of it.
Dont depend on the other person to be your #1 source of happiness. It will never happen. You will be unhappy and so will he.
Dont loose your independence .....very important. Men like women who can think for themselves. Never depend on you man to make all the decisions.

 

[True Grit]

And show HIM all this good advice! Congratulations and All the Best in your new independant lives.

 

[BC_Farms]

Don't spend a small fortune on furniture to begin with. I'd recommend getting second hand furniture to start off with, and then start buying stuff that is truly "yours" at furniture sales etc. You can find great stuff on craigslist, freecycle, or even on the side of the road. If you start looking now by October you'll have everything all set. No sense in going thousands of dollars in debt over it (made that mistake...we broke up...guess who paid for most of it and doesn't have any furniture???).

Look for jobs that will make you more secure not only because it pays you, but like others said includes some kind of retirement fund and health insurance. If you start now, it will pay off A LOT later. Make sure you diversify too and don't put "all your eggs in one basket" when it comes to retirement funds and investing.

Do different things apart from each other...including maintaining ties with your friends....but don't forget about each other either. Designated date nights are really good

You can save money on cable bills if you cut the TV cable part out and order netflix/watch your shows on the internet.

Start a savings account and put either your spare change in it or some amount of money from your paycheck.

Exercise together. You will be healthier and happier (exercise releases endorphines!).

Keep drinking to a minimum. It is a money sinkhole and can lead to fights and hurt feelings.

Don't forget while you're in college to build your resumes too. Join clubs and volunteer. It's another good way to do good things apart so you don't get sick of seeing each other all the time and still have interesting things to talk about.

Learn how to cook with leftovers. If you buy a cooked rotisserie chicken from the store (or cook your own), you can have chicken salad, chicken sandwiches or chicken pot pie for lunch the next day or for another dinner.

Cut coupons and learn how to grocery shop. There is an art to it, and if you learn how to do it right you can save hundreds of dollars on your food bill.

Have a special breakfast once a week.

Split the chores evenly. This can also lead to a lot of fights. If you fold the laundry, he puts it away. You wash the dishes, he dries etc. Keep your bathroom clean, make sure if you have hard water you put something in the toilet tank so you don't get limescale buildup. Use your towels more than once and don't keep them on the floor because then they don't dry, smell weird, and you end up doing more laundry. Do the dishes every day so you can go to bed with a clean sink.

 

[urban dreamer]

Oh man, there is alot of good stuff on here! The wedding is set for October 10th but moving out is probally going to take a bit longer (shooting for middle of next year now). DF's job is very unreliable so we are planning to wait until he has at least a reliable part-time job, preferably a full-time job, and have enough set back in savings for a down payment. It sucks that we will have to tough it out a little longer in MIL's house, but I want to make sure we are going to be stable. We almost have everything we need for the house. We've been saving up and storing for three years now. We have pots and pans and towles- just need a couch and kitchen table! As far as animals go, we do have a cat and of course, the chickens. We share the responsibility for them. We have talked alot about his job situation. Since he's either job hunting or home most of the time, when he is home he's the "house wife". He dose some (not all, we share alot) of the house work while he's home and I'm at work. It's been working great and I find we talk alot more. Big stuff we do together and the little things he can do while Im gone. When he dose work a full day, we share all of the course and do them together.

 

[BarkerChickens]

Quote:
I agree with most of what Debi said. I work in a male-dominated industry, so I am around the opposite sex a lot. DH and I have friends of the opposite sex and will go lunch with them, etc. sometimes, but I think it depends on the relationship. If a friend of the opposite sex and I plan to "hang out", then spouses are coming too. Neither of us are jealous people, but if someone makes DH uncomfortable, I respect that. Just remember there is a line between setting boundaries such as what Debi and Ken or my DH and I have done and being controlled on who you can and cannot hang out with!

Actually the part about Don't say.., instead say...is what i was gonna state. DH and I had to work on that. We have strong personalities and say what we think (great for communication), but we had work on the way we said it. Instead of saying, "You don't do anything around the house!", say "I know that we are both busy, but could you help me this weekend cleaning up the house? I feel taken advantage of when I take care of it by myself." Cooking was like that for a while around here. I was exhausted, but he expected dinner ready because he got used to me cooking. DH was shocked that I felt taken advantage of when he was sitting watching TV and I cooked as soon as I got home (we don't have kids and we were both working, so no excuse). He wasn't offended by the way I said it (since I said politely and not accusing him of being rude) and we now share the cooking depending on the day. He has the same to me about things as well (such as laundry which he does mostly). When we started applying this "technique" to our communication, things got even better! Friends said they could tell a difference in the way we spoke to each other since it affected all communication. Luckily, for DH and I, communication is not an issue and the "Uh..Hon, can we talk?" statements, don't exist around here. We just go right into it if we need to.

On that same nope, don't keep stuff in or let your anger explode. If you are upset about something, nip it in the bud now before it becomes an issue! If your anger explodes, things get ugly too, even if it is just poor communication and yelling. Talk about it commonly and chances are there is a compromise in there somewhere. If one needs space to cool down first, give that space! Let that person form their rational thoughts before talking about it. Waiting an hour, if needed, is good rather than exploding at the moment or never talking about it.

Money is a HUGE deal!! If you don't see things eye to eye on money, then consider separate accounts for "spending money" and having the joint account for bills, emergency money, etc. My best friend and her DH do this and they love it. No problems! DH and I are more traditional with a joint account. Also, consider setting a limit of what can be spent without talking about it with the other person. DH and I don't have a "set" amount, but if one of us is considering spending $200 (sometimes less when finances are tighter), we talk to the other first to make sure they didn't have something else in mind as well (or maybe he remembers that the dog's need their vaccines in a couple weeks and I forgot about it...as an example).

 

[Kelly G]

Quote:
Don't forget the water and electric. Heck, my electric bill this month alone was over $300 because of the 100+ degree days we are having this summer. Then there's all the insurance: household insurance, life insurance, health insurance. Plus you need to stash away a bit for emergencies and repairs--car, tv, computer--it's amazing how big a hole one car repair can gobble out of your budget if you haven't prepared for emergencies.

Rusty

Oh, my gosh!!!! I could I forget water and electric???!!!! I went back and added it in....thanks!