Giving up a child?

[Knock Kneed Hen]

How are you doing today? I can't stop thinking of you and your family.

 

[oesdog]

How are you doing today? I can't stop thinking of you and your family.

I am ok. Had a few days there of being really really tired. Last night we had the grand baby and she was hard work to settle but once she was asleep she slept all night no bother. We had to put her in the dinning room away from Dan as he would have woken her. In the end we gave Dan a good dose of sleeping pills and lucky for us he slept until 3 am then got a change and slept until 5am but was up from then.

Dh was upset this morning because we had to put Jess into nursery as we were too tired to keep her all day. We just can;t do everything but I do feel I miss time with Jess because I am so tired out with Dan. Tonight we are going out to the picture - first time in about 3/4 years. Then we are for a meal with my elder son and his partner. I only wish my head would stop hammering with exhaustion as we are going to see War horse and it will be loads of explosions ( not the thing with a bad head!) We kind of did a trade so Dd is getting Dan all evening as we had Jess last evening and today. But I feel a bit cheated in that I was too tired to do all I wanted with the baby. She is growing so fast and I rarely get time with her for simply fun!

The other bit of really silly but good news is that I got some lovely bronze chickens in the Auction. A rooster and hen pair. They are beautiful and I really didn;t expect to win them on a phone bid. I saw them by accident last week when DH bought some ladders and i went with him to get them. There on a shelf was the Chickens and well you all know what Chicken love does to your insides. I came home and looked them up on the net and the same ones are over 100 dollers in the USA, actuallu the hen bronze alone is marked at 180 dollers on one site. but I got them for £35 all in Auction add on etc. I am getting them Monday. So I am happy. I think they will be great as ornaments for selling the eggs and lovely home made breads and cakes with our own eggs. You know bit like the Butchers shops sometimes have lovely ceramic cows in the windows? Or maybe I really am insane???

Oesdog

 

[coloradochick]

Sometimes we have to do an insane act to stay sane

Like this morning when I recieved my 46 chicks from Ideal Hatchery here in Texas. What a bunch of sweeties. Out of 47 ordered only one was DOA when I picked them up this morning. Still breaks my heart though. But yes oesdog insane is sometimes a healthy thing. Stay strong and we're all thinking about you

 

[Knock Kneed Hen]

You DO have a lot on your plate!! Bring ear plugs for the movie, just in case. Glad you did a small thing for yourself. Sometimes we need that little pick-me-up...noth'in wrong with that!
I just bought a couple of rooster wall plaques for the coop. Whose going to see them but me and the chickens? I don't care, I know they'll put a smile on my face. We get so caught up
in the big things in life, but it's really the little day to day things that can brighten one's spirits.

Sadly one must be a very loud advocate to get services..in any country. When my first adopted son was placed with us through the foster care system at 13 mos. old he wouldn't eat. He gagged at
everything put in his mouth. If he did manage to eat he'd throw it up. We were referred to Children's Hospital's "Failure to Thrive Clinic". I was told there was a 3 mo. wait. My response was
that he'd be dead in 3 mos. I had to be more than a little assertive to get him services. I was shocked over and over again at how hard I had to fight to just get basic care for this little baby. You
may have to become the type of person you hate in order to get things done.

There are very good caring people out there. You'll find someone eventually that you feel comfortable leaving Danny with, even for a couple of hours a couple of times a week. Start by having them care for him while you take a nap. I think you are not only emotionally exhausted, but you're not getting much sleep and you're physically exhausted too.

Take care of yourself or you're no good to anyone. I'm sure you've heard that before.

 

[oesdog]

Well everything went good in the end - We were both tired so our day basically was Get Jess to nursery and then get the house a basic tidy and crash in bed for a couple of hours. Dh and I didn;t really sleep even then but we knew we would have to if we wanted to go out tonight. We left here at just gone 3pm in the afternoon and went for the 4pm cinema showing of War horse. It was a great movie but really was Black beauty - though Black Beauty is set earlier 1800s. Good movie though and we enjoyed it. We got out of there around 6 om so went for a coffee and a quick look round the shops. DH got some baking stuff he needed. Our eldest boy phoned to say he was out of work and on his way home so we headed into town to pick them up. Our son and his partner were ready when we got to their house. Pitty he had to work late or they would have come to the movie as well. Anyhow we headed off and had a lovely meal out together. It is the first time in about 4 yrs since I went to the movies and the last time we were out in the evening together was back in October when we were in Spain. ( Yes we have to leave the country to get peace!) After the meal we headed back to our son's house and got coffee and chatted and aranged to help them fix their bathroom tiles and put a few shelves up. We will hopefully make it a weekend job so we can bring Dan to see his brother and us girls can do a nice meal while the boys do some male bonding and bash things about a bit. Hopefully fixing the bathroom tiles and putting a few book shelves up. Our eldest needs to learn to do these things on his own but he has neve been that confident. Good he asked DH to help him. So we left happy and I drove home Dh being too tired so good we can swap.

When we got home I was met by our daughter with or Dan is still up playing in his room and his music is on. I didn;t give him his tablets because I didn;t know where they were and I forgot how many he has??? AHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh !!!!!!!!!! It is near midnight and we are exhausted and the last thing I wanted to walk into was Danny! This is why we need someone other than "family" because I really get cross at the stupidity!!! Why on earth couldn;t she have sent a Tex Mom ring me Re: Danny;s tablets. How can she "forget" how many he has and can;t find them when they are where I always keep them??? I can;t believe it because Dan would have needed Epilepsy pills at dinner time and also before Bed as well as his sleeping pills? Why can;t she just lift the phone and simply ask if there is an issue not just not bother and leave it all to me again!!!!!!! I mean I didn;t just half bother to dress her child before nurserty???? Or only half feed her did I???? Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh !!!!!!!!! Happens everytime we try to get a little space for us. Anyhow DH and I took over and Dan got a second supper complete with missing tablets and his bum changed, music off and room cleaned up and tigger song done before bed now the lad is sleeping. Tamazapam are great!!!!!!!

So that was our night. Now I am just pottering about before I finally go to bed too.

thanks for being here for this tired out barmy old hen!!!!!!! I am suffering from exhaustion and depression I think. I was starting to do daft things like got out of my car and forgot to turn the lights off then wondered why she was dark inside and wouldn;t stop beeping at me. THen I tried to drive her away in Park and wondered why I wasn;t in a forward motion???? Yes I am exhauseted.
Dan is snoring so I am for bed. glad I don;t have little Jess tonight though last night she didn;t go over until gone 11.30pm and screemed herself to sleep not nice!
Oesdog -

 

[sfw2]

I'm glad you at least got out for a few hours, even if you did pay for it, later.

 

[Knock Kneed Hen]

I'm glad you at least got out for a few hours, even if you did pay for it, later.  

LOL! We ALWAYS pay for it later don't we? It's just part of being a woman. :/

 

[oesdog]

Been paying for it all day today!!!! DH was up half the night as he was sore and needed GTN etc. He kept waking me up and Dan was up a few times too. Found out that Dd had left Dans window open and drew the drapes over them. I didn;t figure this as our heating was on when I got home last night - that is until the lad was stood in the middle of his room at 3am and it was minu 5 outside! Thanks Dd! So I have been like a walking zombi all day and Dh has not been in great form. Sometimes I really think I am loosing it!!!! I am always exausted and i am always snappy now. I feel like I have lost ME!!! Anyhow life is a round of nappies and cleaning right now. I just want to have one night when I am not exhausted and I can dress up and look pretty - you know without a last min rush out the door half knackered and covered in chicken/child poo and wearing the same clothes I wore the last three times I went to the store just because they were there and I could chuck them on without thinking or ironing in a rush!! I wish I could just be pretty and have time to do my hair nice and do my make up and wear a nice frock that FITS! Now I am moaning. I just feel so darn depressed lately as there doesn;t seem any end. After the Social worker cancelled the appointment she never got back in touch so I guess that is the end of that particular placement? I mean she didn;t re-schedual did she? Anyhow Dh is having a hissy fit over something on the computer so it isn;t exactly a time to relax - I haven;t had any time to relax at all. I am very stressed about everything . I dream of just walking out - I mean getting int he car and driving away. But I don;t have anyplace to go so it kind of doesn;t make a good plan of escape. Sometimes I just wish I could though. I am sooo tired and no one here cares. I don;t think it helps the relationship I have with DH either. He is always so darn clingy and needy too especially after the heart issues. Sometimes I feel like I am covered in blood sucking leeches!! I am sooo low right now. I actuelly feel like I want to poke that social worker woman in the eye a few times.

Oesdog

 

[Carols Clucks]

My favorite Aunt was overwhelmed and not getting any help caring for my uncle, he had Alzheimer's/dementia (he would get violent-something totally outside his normal personality). Her local kids thought it was mom being dramatic.

One night about 11pm, I got a call from the Airport transit bus that my aunt was on the bus and was going to need some one to pick her up, she lives over 1000 miles away. She could not do it anymore, she took my uncle to the senior day care, made sure they had her kids phone numbers and hit the airport. I will always be happy that she knew my house was the place she needed to go, but....her son got the call that it was time to pick up dad...found mom no where to be found (I did call and let him know that Mom was here with me and okay) He realized that she needed a break and he stayed with dad. It only took a day or two and he realized that dad was too much for him and they had to place him in a home. Because of his getting violent, it was a locked down unit. But, he was happy, there were people coming in and out all the time. And he was happy to flirt with the various nurses. My aunt stayed a few days, realized how much she missed him and went back home after getting some rest. It was hard visiting him in the lock down, but it was the best thing for all. They did not like that it was locked down, but my uncle had no idea and just loved the activity.

I hope that you can find a placement for him with out having to leave him in the custody of an aid worker....although that might speed up the process!

 

[Knock Kneed Hen]

You need to call the SW back and ask when she can reschedule. If she's not available go ahead and ask to speak to her supervisor. I have found that it is helpful sometimes to get the higher ups involved. They generally have more experience and can make things happen quicker. Be brutally honest too with them. Tell them how depressed you are and how overwhelmed you are. There is no way that you should be taking all this on by yourself. I remember your posts from last year Oesdog, you were a much cheerier, happier, lighthearted person. I can see that you are at the end of your rope. I don't think that anyone could continue on as you have been without finally losing it.

Is it possible for you to look to another county for a placement for Danny? I'd start putting him on every waiting list you possibly can. I would take the advice of colorado chick and advertise for someone interested in nursing care. Again, even if it's to give you the opportunity to relax, sit in you chicken coop and soak up some sunshine, whatever....but you do need to find someone outside the family that you can rely on. Look online for a support group in or near your area and start picking their brains. Perhaps they have someone that they use that would be interested in an extra day of work.

I know how hard it is to find someone in a small town. I live in a small community in the mountains, a little over 1,500 people. I was approached once by a woman looking for someone to provide elder care to a local woman who suffered from alzheimers. Her children lived out of state. I had never done it, wasn't even looking for a job, but my 12 year old son was standing next to me and said, "Mom, you should do it. She needs someone." Ok, I'm a sucker. I told the woman I'd give it a try. Well, long story short, 2 days and 1 night a week I cared for Patsy. She was a pure joy! I cooked, cleaned, helped her shower (mind you, I've never done anything like this before!!). I just did what was needed. I took her to the kids basketball game and brought her to her church, where she had all but been forgotten. I cared for her until her death. I am so glad that I did. My son and I have wonderfully fond memories of our time with Patsy.

Once again, I'm rambling on to let you know that there is someone out there that will respond. Don't stop until you find that person. Don't add anything extra to your plate in the time being. If someone says "Let me know if I can do anything" give them something to do!! Ask them to run to the store for you, or to cook you a meal. Don't be shy. Believe me, nobody wants to trade places with you and they'll feel good knowing that they've helped. Finally, pray! Pray for someone to answer your ad, to be right for the job, and if they don't come tomorrow, pray for endurance!!