Good Neighbor Skills 101...Failed!!

[tmk]

coffeegirl78

Thanks, I'm glad everyone is okay too.

Yeah, I was hoping someone would share a good story to convince me otherwise, but so far I got some great insites but...

I hear that when people get good service they tell 4 others about this business, when they get bad ones they tell 20.
I'm still hopeful that's what's going on here about neighbors. They are hiding good ones! lol

 

[lengel]

Quote:
What it comes down to is that you didn't fail at good neighbor skills. You can't do anything about her behavior whatsoever. I hope the pastor finds some rels soon.

 

[Rhett&SarahsMom]

I have elderly and crazy neighbors(not living in the same house) and i can tell you right now. If ANYONE ever came to my door with shears, or anything that could be used as a weapon against myself or my pets I would be on the horn with the police SO FAST.

I would have pushed the woman OUT my door. Told my daughter and daycare kids to get up stairs into a closet and called the police. Even elderly people with dementia can be dangerously strong. You are lucky that she didnt hurt you, your kids or your pets. The fact that she followed your son home to find out where the "brown dog" lived scares me even more. And this incident could be the beginning of increasingly dangerous behavior.
Do not trust the pastor/parish to make sure that she gets care and such. Call elder services and let them do what they are paid for. Keep your doors locked and make sure your kids dont go out walking by her house by themselves.

Why take any chance with the lives of your children?

 

[Rosalind]

Just my opinion--

You are thinking WAY too much about being nice. Women are trained from early childhood in "how to be nice." This puts women at a unique risk for being abused and taken advantage of, because we are taught to be nice and sweet. Seriously, women die of being nice and giving the benefit of the doubt every day, it makes us easy prey for crazies or abusers.

This is a very simple situation. Someone only vaguely acquainted with you showed up at your door with a weapon, threatening to kill your pet. You later find out that this person stalked (yes, stalked, and I don't think that is too harsh a word) your son to find out where he lived, with the specific intent of making this threat.

Either the person is crazy and needs to be evaluated by professionals and possibly placed in an assisted living facility or this person is a serious threat to your family and neighbors.

I think you are discounting your neighbor's ability to cause harm because you can't imagine that a little old lady would do such a thing. If you want countless examples of little old ladies who get up to all kinds of dickens, feel free to volunteer at your local old folks home with the Alzheimer's patients. They are capable of hurting and abusing people, no problem. Just try to tell them that you checked and they do NOT have a doctor's appointment today, or that you're not taking them to IHOP again because you just got back from there 10 minutes ago, or that you most certainly did not steal their prized possession, or that you are not poisoning their food. My granny died, basically, of dementia, and before she died she would beat her adult kids who bought her groceries, because she thought they were poisoning her--again, a little old lady.

Please, please read Gavin de Becker's book The Gift Of Fear. He explains a lot in it how people, both men and women, try to be nice and kind, and it only gets them in trouble. I think the kindest thing you can do for this woman is call social services and let them know what happened. Think about it this way: If your crazy granny was going around threatening people and stalking children, would you want her possibly picking the wrong door to knock on and getting hurt by a very angry and frightened person? Would you blame someone who reacted badly to that threat and hurt her in self-defense? Or would you want her mental illness treated by nursing staff who are trained for exactly that situation, and her movements confined to a safe building? Either way, the granny you loved isn't there anymore.

 

[CathyB]

Quote:
Your story sounds much better than mine!!

I think after several confrontations all is calm here the last couple of years. We just pretend like they are not there and they do the same to us. So I guess I will not trade today since we are in a cold war right now!

 

[tmk]

Good morning Rosalind

If you read some of the replies you will know you aren't the only one who assumed that being "nice" was what I was doing. And I guess that's my limit in creative writing. I think people can make anything as simple (or complicated) as you want it to be. All I can say now is that I made the decision of how to handle this incident, not based on the effort of being nice but my family's safety first and then best interest of everyone else. I don't feel I let go a potential murderer loose in my neighborhood by any mean.

As far as about 'being nice' tho.
I still like to try to be nice whenever possible. I teach my children to be nice and kind also. But I also teach them to stay firm on their ground when that is called for.
And my DH can assure you that I am no door mat

It was a very interesting point tho!
Thank you for your time and thoughts.
You have a great day!

 

[tmk]

Morning, CathyB

Good for you. Sometimes being invisible to each other is the only solution and that is fine as long as you are not married to the one who you made it invisible!! lol

Actually that's exactly what I do when I sense there is no common ground with a particular neighbor. Since they are not REALLY invisible I just greet whenever I see them and go mind my own business. She hasn't filed any suits against us so it's working well

 

[ChickieWhickie]

You did the right thing protecting your family & dog.

My MIL has dementia. As her caregiver, I would want to know, if she did something like that. She has had her moments. I keep all sharp objects, medications and etc. out of her reach. My stove has a safety lock on it. I lock the burners, so she can't turn them on & accidently burn the house down.

I would alert her family, for her safety and everyone elses too. But that is just my opinion because of my MIL.

 

[Chick_a_dee]

Quote:
Aha, all you need is WELL LAYED OUT land... unfortunately around here, you can't do anything on 3 acres, and we wouldnt be able to do what we are doing, but the farmer got special consideration.

 

[SpottedCrow]

I have one of the bigger lots on my street and it's an eighth of an acre...I would be thrilled to have at least an acre...

The only thing like this that's happened to me was when my crappy neighbour's kid threatened to bash Slifer's head in with a stick...My DS heard him and told us and I called the cops...who talked to us, then had a little tete a tete with the kid.
Hasn't been a problem since...
I have a hockey stick and a lovely battle axe in case anyone got in or tried to...