As a nurse, I am SICK of other nurses looking at me like I am a drug addict because I have to use xanax to control my anxiety. I did not ask for my anxiety. I hate having it and sometimes wonder "do I really want to live like this for the rest of my life". These people DID NOT go through the 2 years that I did. I am sick of being drug tested at work, I am having a bad day, I AM NOT ON METH! Geez you would think the last 3 drug tests proved that!
In a two year period I worked 72+ hrs a week and carried 3 classes at college, had a severe allergic reaction to Bactrim DS, lost a baby, found out my guy was having an online affair and was days away form leaving, found out my daughter was 8 months pregnant and had hid from me. That left me with guilt feelings because when I made her move out and be on her own I did not know she was pregnant and feel that I let her down when she really needed me. Bought a house. Lost my mother, again huge guilt feelings. My mother was mentally ill and I had distanced myself from her in order to protect my own sanity. She was calling and asking for money for almost a year. I should have KNOWN something was wrong because I was the one person she never asked for money. I found out she was living in a travel trailer in Alturas in the winter with no heat and not enough money for food or her medications. She had been diagnosed with lung cancer a year before. I brought her home to live with me but the night I picked her up from the airport she fell over backwards and never left the hospital. I lost my mom and the baby within days of each other. Right now there is no work for TBG and I have to try to keep his spirits up and hold myself together. Let's face guys I am tired and at times I just want to give up. I have been put on several meds for depression/anxiety, but had to be taken off of them because antidepressants make either suicidal or manic. My Dr.s have never seen someone react to them like I do. My one doctor described me as a cross between Cybil and Cruella de Vil on speed when I was on Paxil and thinks the trigger to my anxiety problems was the allergic reaction to Bactrim and that it may be permanent. For those of you who don't know about Bactrim/Septra do a search using Brian Deer and Bactrim. I really have no one to lean on my father is just mean and a closet alcoholic to boot. I have the responsibility for every little single thing right now and I just can't get a break. It seems that the only time I am even remotely happy is when I am with my animals.
In a two year period I worked 72+ hrs a week and carried 3 classes at college, had a severe allergic reaction to Bactrim DS, lost a baby, found out my guy was having an online affair and was days away form leaving, found out my daughter was 8 months pregnant and had hid from me. That left me with guilt feelings because when I made her move out and be on her own I did not know she was pregnant and feel that I let her down when she really needed me. Bought a house. Lost my mother, again huge guilt feelings. My mother was mentally ill and I had distanced myself from her in order to protect my own sanity. She was calling and asking for money for almost a year. I should have KNOWN something was wrong because I was the one person she never asked for money. I found out she was living in a travel trailer in Alturas in the winter with no heat and not enough money for food or her medications. She had been diagnosed with lung cancer a year before. I brought her home to live with me but the night I picked her up from the airport she fell over backwards and never left the hospital. I lost my mom and the baby within days of each other. Right now there is no work for TBG and I have to try to keep his spirits up and hold myself together. Let's face guys I am tired and at times I just want to give up. I have been put on several meds for depression/anxiety, but had to be taken off of them because antidepressants make either suicidal or manic. My Dr.s have never seen someone react to them like I do. My one doctor described me as a cross between Cybil and Cruella de Vil on speed when I was on Paxil and thinks the trigger to my anxiety problems was the allergic reaction to Bactrim and that it may be permanent. For those of you who don't know about Bactrim/Septra do a search using Brian Deer and Bactrim. I really have no one to lean on my father is just mean and a closet alcoholic to boot. I have the responsibility for every little single thing right now and I just can't get a break. It seems that the only time I am even remotely happy is when I am with my animals.
