Granny's gone and done it again
- Thread starter Granny Hatchet
- Start date
Just saying this could be next
Brittany was in the fertilized egg business. She had several hundred young pullets and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.
She kept records and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.
This took a lot of time, so she bought some tiny bells and attached them to her roosters.
Each bell had a different tone, so she could tell from a distance which rooster was performing. Now, she could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.
Sarah's favorite rooster, old Clyde was a very fine specimen but, this morning she noticed old Clyde's bell hadn't rung at all! When she went to investigate, she saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.
To Brittany's amazement, old Clyde had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job, and walk on to the next one.
Brittany was so proud of old Clyde she entered him in a show and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.
The result was the judges not only awarded old Clyde the "No Bell Peace Prize" they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.
Clearly old Clyde was a politician in the making. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention?
Be careful. You can't always hear the bells.
( If you don’t send this on, you're chicken .... no yolk! )
She kept records and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.
This took a lot of time, so she bought some tiny bells and attached them to her roosters.
Each bell had a different tone, so she could tell from a distance which rooster was performing. Now, she could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.
Sarah's favorite rooster, old Clyde was a very fine specimen but, this morning she noticed old Clyde's bell hadn't rung at all! When she went to investigate, she saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.
To Brittany's amazement, old Clyde had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job, and walk on to the next one.
Brittany was so proud of old Clyde she entered him in a show and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.
The result was the judges not only awarded old Clyde the "No Bell Peace Prize" they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.
Clearly old Clyde was a politician in the making. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention?
Be careful. You can't always hear the bells.
( If you don’t send this on, you're chicken .... no yolk! )
Thank GOD for our Marines!
GOD is Busy!!! If you don’t know GOD, don’t make stupid remarks!!!!!!
A United States Marine was taking some college courses between assignments.
He had completed 20 missions in Iraq and Afghanistan. One of the courses had a professor who was an avowed atheist.
One day the professor shocked the class when he came in. He looked to the ceiling and flatly stated, "GOD, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform...I'll give you exactly 15 min." The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop. Ten minutes went by and the professor proclaimed, "Here I am GOD, I'm still waiting."
It got down to the last couple of minutes when the Marine got out of his chair, went up to the professor, and cold-cocked him; knocking him off the platform. The professor was out cold.
The Marine went back to his seat and sat there, silently.
The other students were shocked and stunned, and sat there looking on in silence. The professor eventually came to, noticeably shaken, looked at the Marine and asked, "What in the world is the matter with you? Why did you do that?"
The Marine calmly replied, "GOD was busy today protecting America's soldiers who are protecting your right to say stupid shit and act like an idiot. So He sent me."
The classroom erupted in cheers!
GOD is Busy!!! If you don’t know GOD, don’t make stupid remarks!!!!!!
A United States Marine was taking some college courses between assignments.
He had completed 20 missions in Iraq and Afghanistan. One of the courses had a professor who was an avowed atheist.
One day the professor shocked the class when he came in. He looked to the ceiling and flatly stated, "GOD, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform...I'll give you exactly 15 min." The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop. Ten minutes went by and the professor proclaimed, "Here I am GOD, I'm still waiting."
It got down to the last couple of minutes when the Marine got out of his chair, went up to the professor, and cold-cocked him; knocking him off the platform. The professor was out cold.
The Marine went back to his seat and sat there, silently.
The other students were shocked and stunned, and sat there looking on in silence. The professor eventually came to, noticeably shaken, looked at the Marine and asked, "What in the world is the matter with you? Why did you do that?"
The Marine calmly replied, "GOD was busy today protecting America's soldiers who are protecting your right to say stupid shit and act like an idiot. So He sent me."
The classroom erupted in cheers!
ALL OF THE ABOVE ARE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU'ALL LEAVE ME UN-ATTENDED/SUPERVISED
WELL I am "off" for now, I hope you all have a great day, stay cool and drink lots of fluids.
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