@twisted-acres-farm Is this how you feel too?
*"The Stages of Snow: A Hilarious Tale of Surviving a North Dakota Winter"*
When a cheerful couple moves to North Dakota in the fall, they’re enchanted by promises of idyllic summers and picturesque winters. What follows is a laugh-out-loud diary chronicling their first snow-filled season—a journey that starts with wonder and ends with, well, padded walls.
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*December 8 – Love at First Snow*
The first snow arrives, blanketing the world in shimmering white. The couple cozies up with cocktails, marveling at the fluffy flakes. “It’s like living in a Christmas card!” the wife exclaims. Their new winter wonderland feels magical.
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*December 9 – The Snowy High*
The snow-covered landscape is straight out of a fairy tale. The husband embraces his new role as Snow Conqueror, shoveling the driveway with enthusiasm. He even clears the snowplow’s deposit with a smile, confident that winter is his new gym membership.
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*December 14 – Reality Sets In*
Snow returns, and with it, bone-chilling temperatures of -20°F. The once-charming shoveling ritual now feels like an endurance test. The wind steals his breath and his optimism, though he reassures himself this “winter workout” is still worth it.
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*December 16 – Slip and Slide*
An ice storm transforms the driveway into an Olympic skating rink. One misstep lands the husband flat on his back, his bruises matched only by his wife’s uncontrollable laughter. His patience takes its first real hit.
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*December 17 – Cabin Fever Kicks In*
Icy roads and a five-hour power outage trap the couple indoors. Wrapped in blankets, the husband grumbles about their lack of a wood stove. His wife silently marks this as her first win of the season.
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*December 22 – The Never-Ending Snow*
Another 13 inches fall, and the snowplow buries the driveway again. Dressing for shoveling is now a 30-minute ordeal, leaving him too exhausted to actually shovel. Neighbor Bob’s cheerful “helpful tips” start to feel like mockery.
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*December 24 – Holiday Hostility*
Shoveling becomes a personal vendetta against the snowplow driver, now dubbed “Satan in a Truck.” Holiday cheer vanishes, replaced by expletives and a broken shovel. The wife retreats indoors, claiming it’s for “Christmas baking,” but really it’s for self-preservation.
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*December 25 – Not-So-Merry Christmas*
Snowed in under 20 inches, the husband declares his hatred for snow, holiday movies, and his wife. When the snowplow driver has the audacity to ask for a holiday donation, the ensuing argument ends with a bent shovel and some colorful language.
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*December 27 – Frozen Finances*
The temperature plummets to -30°F, freezing the pipes. After a 14-hour wait, the plumber arrives with a $4,400 bill. The husband’s wallet and spirit simultaneously hit rock bottom.
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*December 30 – The Breaking Point*
Ignoring Bob’s advice to clear the roof proves catastrophic. Under the weight of the snow, the roof collapses. The husband snaps, unleashing his fury on the snowplow driver. A lawsuit and a visit from law enforcement follow. His wife, fed up, packs her bags and heads to her mother’s house. The weather forecast? More snow.
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*January 8 – Sweet Release*
With the house gone (burned down, but that’s another story) and his winter woes behind him, the husband finally finds peace—in a padded room. Medicated and safely strapped to his bed, he gazes out the window, wondering why snowflakes still look so pretty.
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This riotous tale of North Dakota winter woes is a reminder of the fine line between winter wonderland and snowy despair. Whether you’re dreaming of a white Christmas or battling snowplow-induced rage, remember—it’s all part of the season’s charm… or curse.