Wow. Yesterday evening was horrible. My body just lost it. At first I thought I was having a hypoglycemia attac. No problem. I just eat some crackers or toast or half a sandwich. It didn't work. I got worse. I started shaking uncontrollably. My heart was going crazy. My breathing was fast. A couple of things .. stressful things.. happened yesterday. I'll name one. Bronwyn's grandpa died, of dementia. It did get us to talking about my Scott and how he was in his last days. I didn't think much of it. When I got crazy later, Austin reminded me how the last time I got like this, it was because of a stressful situation. So, now that I think of how it was, I'm thinking I had a pretty good panic attack. I used to get them back in the 90's. When I found out that they were panic attacks..Dr. telling me..I couldn't believe it. I thought, how ridiculous! I actually got them under control. But they were different. I knew when one felt like it was coming on, and I could actually shrug it off. ...Oh I know what this is ..nope, not doing it, I'm fine. Well the last couple of times I've gotten shaky and feeling just awful, it's different, but Austin is right, it's when I've gotten anxious over something.. anxiety is bringing it on. Boy, I'm not sure I'll be able to control these ones. It's horrible. He asked while it was happening if I wanted to go somewhere..ER.. clinic. He was ready to take me. I said, what can they do? I don't think I'm having a heart attack. It was aweful. Then after resting for about a half an hr in bed, it started to go away. Whew. He came back upstairs to check on me. I said..I feel so much better! We talked, and agree, anxiety.
. It makes me mad that something like this can just take hold of me and I have no control. There are a few things that do that to me today, but this is crazy. Ok..rant over. Prayers for Bronwyn. Austin told me she had started stressing over her grandpa's death. She had said earlier that she would be fine because she knew he was better now.. She had watched Scott and knew that it was finally time for him to rest too. Still. You have to know how close her family is! It's her Father's dad.
Funeral is on Saturday.
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