Green Club

[THE Curmudgeon]

I have a GREEN Ford Explorer and some relatives in Greenville, South Carolina.

Will you let ME join?


What is a Curmudgeon anyway?

A curmudgeon's reputation for malevolence is undeserved. They're neither warped nor evil at heart. They don't hate mankind, just mankind's absurdities. They're just as sensitive and soft-hearted as the next guy, but they hide their vulnerability beneath a crust of misanthropy. They ease the pain by turning hurt into humor. . . . . . They attack maudlinism because it devalues genuine sentiment. . . . . . Nature, having failed to equip them with a servicable denial mechanism, has endowed them with astute perception and sly wit.
Curmudgeons are mockers and debunkers whose bitterness is a symptom rather than a disease. They can't compromise their standards and can't manage the suspension of disbelief necessary for feigned cheerfulness. Their awareness is a curse.
Perhaps curmudgeons have gotten a bad rap in the same way that the messenger is blamed for the message: They have the temerity to comment on the human condition without apology. They not only refuse to applaud mediocrity, they howl it down with morose glee. Their versions of the truth unsettle us, and we hold it against them, even though they soften it with humor. - JON WINOKUR

 

[Bunnylady]

I'll admit it. I have hijacked threads. I did it on purpose. I'm not ashamed. Those threads wanted to be hijacked. They told me so.

Oh. so they spoke to you, did they?

 

[sourland]

I'll admit it. I have hijacked threads. I did it on purpose. I'm not ashamed. Those threads wanted to be hijacked. They told me so.

Spoken like a true kleptothreadiac


Curmudgeon, welcome to BYC, and my gut tells me that you will fit right in on the GREEN team.

 

[sourland]

Oh. so they spoke to you, did they?

And what part of that surprises you,

lady? Don't the threads speak to you?

 

[THE Curmudgeon]

YES, Bunnylady....

My Avatar is W.C. Fields. ( GREAT GUESS ! )

......but, he DOES have an uncanny resemblance to Mark Twain.

( sorry it's in Black and White instead of Color ( green )....but I'm using an OLD computer. )

- THE Curmudgeon -

 

[THE Curmudgeon]

Sourland....

THANKS for the "Welcome". I have read quite a few of your "postings"....
VERY GOOD ! Magicians that ARE GOOD have been "hard-to-find" since Merlin !!!
(the Magicians in the "Shoe" comic strip and the "Wizard of ID" comic strip are only Mediocre.

YOU are undoubtedly "THE Best" since Merlin !!!

Question: How do I apply for Membership in the GREEN Team ?

- THE Curmudgeon -

 

[Spookwriter]

"How to become a member?"

I think it's in the Queens handbook that the new guy has to
mow the Spooks big yard...

Yeah, that's it.

Can you be in Ohio by morning?

Spook...who would NEVER lie to you (not like some of these OTHER people)

 

[Bunnylady]

YES, Bunnylady....

My Avatar is W.C. Fields. ( GREAT GUESS ! )

......but, he DOES have an uncanny resemblance to Mark Twain.

( sorry it's in Black and White instead of Color ( green )....but I'm using an OLD computer. )

- THE Curmudgeon -

Odd. I thought he looked like Sam Clemens.

 

[Spookwriter]

Mark Twain and W.C. Fields, they look alike.

A lot of people get them confused.

 

[THE Curmudgeon]

Folks.....
A dear old Friend of mine recently sent me THIS STORY. I thought that perhaps YOU FOLKS might enjoy it as I did.

So...here it is:

Yesterday, I wore my Viet Nam hat when I went to Walmart. There was nothing in particular that I needed at the world's largest retailer but, since I retired, trips to Wally World to look at the Walmartians is always good for some comic relief. Besides, I always feel pretty normal after seeing some of the people that frequent the establishment. But, enough of my psychological fixes.

While standing in line to check out, the guy in front of me, probably in his early thirties, asked, "Are you a Vet Nam Vet?" "No" I replied. "Then why are you wearing that hat?" "Because I couldn't find my hat from the War of 1812." I thought it was a snappy retort. "The War of 1812 huh." the Walmartian queried, "When was that?" God forgive but, I couldn't pass up such an opportunity. "1936"

He pondered my response for a moment and responded, "Why do they call it the War of 1812 if it was in 1936?" "It was a Black Op. No one is supposed to know about it." This was beginning to be way too much fun. "Dude! Really!" he exclaimed. "How did you get to do something that COOOOL?"

I glanced furtively around me for effect, leaned toward the guy and in a low voice said, "I'm not sure. I was the only Caucasian on the mission." "Dude!", he was really getting excited about what he was hearing. "That is seriously Awesome! But, didn't you kind of stand out?" "Not really. The other guys were wearing white camouflage." The moron nodded knowingly.

"Listen man," I said in a very serious tone, "You can't tell anyone about this. It's still Top Secret and I shouldn't have said anything." "Oh yeah." he gave me the "don't threaten me look. "Like, what's gonna happen if I do?" With a really hard look I said, "You have a family don't you? We wouldn't want anything to happen to them would we?" The guy gulped, left his basket where it was and fled through the door.

By this time the lady behind me was about to have a heart attack she was laughing so hard. I just grinned at her.

After checking out and going to the parking lot I saw dimwit leaning in a car window talking to a young woman. Upon catching sight of me he started pointing excitedly in my direction. Giving him another 'deadly' serious look, I made the "I see you" gesture. He turned kind of pale, jumped in the car and sped out of the parking lot.

What a great time! Tomorrow I'm going back with a Homeland Security hat. Whoever said retirement is boring just needs the right kind of hat...


HA-Ha !!!
- THE Curmudgeon -
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