wow.
I read the Op, and the replies, then went back and read the Op again.
I want to say something enlightening, or wise, but I'm not sure that I have anything enlightening or wise to tell you.
I can understand how you feel, and I've had similar experiences - apparently a lot of folks who answered here have - and some of them think it's the norm and that is just something to live with. I don't feel that way, and respectfully disagree with those who feel they need to "put up with" that sort of treatment for the sake of belonging to a church.
I cannot fathom how it can be helpful to someone's spiritual enlightenment when they are distracted with such petty arguing, hypocracy and downright snobbery. Churches may be built for sinners, but they are also supposed to discourage the sin - not foster it.
Now, that being said, I do not consider myself a Christian - in fact I have been one of them Heathen Folks for many many years. This does not mean that I am "anti-Christian" or anti-God. I like God, I like Jesus, I just have a hard time with folks who profess to follow and live the word of either of them and then treat others like they are garbage.
Those type of "Christians" are the ones who dig a hole and throw you into it - then expect you to be pleased and grateful when they "save you" by pulling you out of it.
I wish you luck in finding the right fellowship for yourself. Those who stated that Church is a must were right on one count - Fellowship with like minded folks is a boon to your learning experience. However, your relationship to God is yours alone. If those who you Fellowship with are a detriment to your relationship with God, then leave them and keep searching for others who you feel comfortable with.
I only have one piece of wisdom that I can share - and they are not my words. They are actually part of a heretical text - but ones that give me comfort (and a wake up call) whenever I feel the need to "fellowship for the sake of fellowship".
--- "The Kingdom of God is inside you, and all around you. It does not dwell in Mansions built of Wood and Stone. Split a piece of wood and you will find Me. Lift a stone, and I AM THERE."--- Gospel of Thomas*
*eta - reference of where these words could be found.
Meri