having a rough time

[hunterjumper999]

I'm having a hard time with life . I'm depressed but not really about anything. Sorry if this makes zero sense or is long

My DF wants me to make a list of things that I need from or need to do to feel happy again. Cost won't be an issue ( I mean, we're a one income family right now so cost is EVERYTHING! but I was told if i need it it will happen one way or the other).

I have been a horrible horrible mate RECENTLY... up to about five months ago all was fine! I'm thinking i'm having a hard time getting past my old relationship issues ( my first LTR I got the gift of my partner moving out while I was at work... after telling me that we'd have a special weekend together that very morning. Moved out to move in with someone else. 3 months later married-5 months after that baby and life together... we're facebook friends now and I wish them the best but ... thanks for the blow- 2nd LTR was abusive after 6 months- started emotionally and moved on. constantly cheated on and told i was crazy for accusing ( rightly). that was only 5 months before I met my DF. Needless to say i come with abandonment and trust issues. Something that I've come a long way with so far... my fiance is wonderful. I have had no thoughts of being cheated on or lied to. Now that a job comes into play i get nervous. because thats how it always started in the past. I know i have to get past that...because it wont repete its self.

I'm thinking that I'm going to start my list simply.

So far i've got a blank page with
Go to the gym 3 days a week and Tan ( free @ gym) once a week.

I have a theory that the shorter days have kicked my mild depression into overdrive so I'm hoping to boost it with some fake sun.

I'm unhappy with my weight, so the gym should help. I'd do weight watchers again but I can't afford it ... I have the books and stuff so If anyone knows any easy and cheap recipies please let me know.


Our farm is kind of stalled due to the lack of money we've had. I'm going to start getting up and devoting at least an hour to it every day. There has to be ways to fix things and update things without spending much money. I think that will help .

DF and I are so different. Right down to our roots. But I am still in love. I just dont like myself right now so everyhting that anyone says or does to or for me is wrong. I know thats immature but I dont know how to get past it. I'm not sad. I'm angry. I'm not even angry at my DF.

I guess this post was pointless. I think I just wanted to see if anyone else is dealing with anything like this right now ... I think what I really want is someone to write my list...but I know that has to come from me.

 

[The Chicken People]

Each and every morning get up and shower...look at yourself deeply in the mirror and say three things you like about yourself! Then find one chore you can do that helps improve your home ..inside or out! Remember to thank whoever you believe in for another day to find peace and happiness and dont forget to tell DF you love them! Life will get better!

 

[Buff Hooligans]

I am extremely personally familiar with Clinical Depression. Please see if your doctor will address this possibility, and find out if meds can be covered by your health insurance, or in some other way.

Regarding your list of "fun things" to make you feel better, that never worked for me. An activity would cheer me up for as long as it lasted (sometimes not even then), but I'd be right back to the gray pit of existence very soon afterward.

Please get help. Depression rarely gets better magically by itself. Hugs.

 

[Camelot Farms]

PM'd ya.

 

[CoopCrazy]

I feel your pain .. I have been like this since last saturday .. Mopy, tired, eating like crazy.. and just generally boo hooeeyyy ... Its getting better .. Just keep your mind on the positives no matter how small they are ... And know that the universe never sends us more then we can handle ...

 

[hunterjumper999]

I think the list is supposed to be both fun things such as I need chicken-swaps to happen and more literal things like I need more help with the house . Or I need your family to not be here 3 nights a week ( whole nother post!)...

I think that part of it is depression and part of it is just needing to motivate... I tend to say "things are not going the way I want so I'm going to step away for a few days "( turning into months- see my 1/2 painted bedroom) Im most certainly not myself but I would not really say im in a dark pit of dispair... But I am going to be proactive to get through it before I slide into one. Medication is something that I try to steer away from but I am going to call the doctor and see if there is an option that I could take seasonally... I seem to hit my lowest point of the year right about September... and climb back out of it around Feb.

I'm most certainly not in any personal danger... which I think is important to say.

 

[sonew123]

hey hunny been there and hated it-I went through a pre-mid life crisis and my life bottomed out-I did unthinkable things which drew me down deeper.. There was no end to my depression-tears loosing so much weight I actuallt looked gross gaunt and just not normal-you know what I did-gave up all that brought me down-gave my life to God and back to my family-it's been two years since I have "felt" depressed-and I owe it all to God and devotion to my family. your animals don't know there lives could be better-just work on making it better everyday-if you have a good man-devote yourself to him and have faith he is true to you-you will start to feel so much better about yourself and your relationship with him.

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

Definitely check on the chemical depression, but it sounds like there have been many major changes in your life in a very short timeframe. It sounds like we're only hearing part of your story (and I am not sure I completely understood what you did share, so please forgive me if I misunderstood anything).

It sounds like you have a new job offer and are scared that that will affect your life negatively, as having a job in hte past has impacted your relationship. If that is the case, first, try to figure out if

1) the two merely happened to occur at the same time, amking you think they were related, but the reality is that they were not, or

2) they actually were related.

If they were related--what was it about having a job caused the relationship problems? Was it something you could control or not? Was the other person jealous of the time you spent at your job? Did you spend too long of hours and get too caught up in your work--in your opinion or theirs?

If you truly think that shortened daylight may be a part of the problem, you need natural spectrum light bulbs--not just bright light.

 

[gritsar]

Quote:
I agree. Check out a sunlight: http://www.sadlight.com/nb-suntouchplus.htm
Also, vitamin D3 can help if you give it a fair trial (a month or so). It has to be the D3 (cholecalciferol), not D2.

 

[Dragonfly Ranch]

#1 on your blank piece of paper - Go see a therapist or doctor to get some help. Talking things through with a professional will nip this thing in the bud and get your life back on track. Then combined that with all the other great suggestions here from fellow BYCers and you will get better sooner than you think.