I'm having a hard time with life . I'm depressed but not really about anything. Sorry if this makes zero sense or is long My DF wants me to make a list of things that I need from or need to do to feel happy again. Cost won't be an issue ( I mean, we're a one income family right now so cost is EVERYTHING! but I was told if i need it it will happen one way or the other). I have been a horrible horrible mate RECENTLY... up to about five months ago all was fine! I'm thinking i'm having a hard time getting past my old relationship issues ( my first LTR I got the gift of my partner moving out while I was at work... after telling me that we'd have a special weekend together that very morning. Moved out to move in with someone else. 3 months later married-5 months after that baby and life together... we're facebook friends now and I wish them the best but ... thanks for the blow- 2nd LTR was abusive after 6 months- started emotionally and moved on. constantly cheated on and told i was crazy for accusing ( rightly). that was only 5 months before I met my DF. Needless to say i come with abandonment and trust issues. Something that I've come a long way with so far... my fiance is wonderful. I have had no thoughts of being cheated on or lied to. Now that a job comes into play i get nervous. because thats how it always started in the past. I know i have to get past that...because it wont repete its self. I'm thinking that I'm going to start my list simply. So far i've got a blank page with Go to the gym 3 days a week and Tan ( free @ gym) once a week. I have a theory that the shorter days have kicked my mild depression into overdrive so I'm hoping to boost it with some fake sun. I'm unhappy with my weight, so the gym should help. I'd do weight watchers again but I can't afford it ... I have the books and stuff so If anyone knows any easy and cheap recipies please let me know. Our farm is kind of stalled due to the lack of money we've had. I'm going to start getting up and devoting at least an hour to it every day. There has to be ways to fix things and update things without spending much money. I think that will help . DF and I are so different. Right down to our roots. But I am still in love. I just dont like myself right now so everyhting that anyone says or does to or for me is wrong. I know thats immature but I dont know how to get past it. I'm not sad. I'm angry. I'm not even angry at my DF. I guess this post was pointless. I think I just wanted to see if anyone else is dealing with anything like this right now ... I think what I really want is someone to write my list...but I know that has to come from me.