HELP HELP HELP She just won't go to sleep

[Chinchilla2]

Just a few suggestions here. Have her screened for ADHD and Asperger Syndrome (yes, I know that boys are traditionally the ones with AS but girls do have it too). Some of the symptoms of AS can mimic ADHD and the ADHD meds will not do the trick with AS. Some of what you describe sounds similar to some of the AS clinical findings.

Start bedtime at least 30 minutes earlier than you have it now. I would aim for an hour earlier. A LED multicolored nightlight in her room may also help. The changing of the light colors gives her something to stare at. Add a few softer toys to the crib for her to play with. Anything to distract her from the fact you are not in there with her. Don't go overboard, just two maybe three should do the trick. Make them her favorites as well. If there is a patterned blanket she prefers, toss that in there too.

She has discovered that by screaming and crying, even up to puking, just gives her attention. Try not to feed that need, no matter how frustrated you get. Go to the door and talk to her in a soft but firm voice without actually entering the room or touching her. Being two, she is also at that stage where she is learning object permanence and some could be related to the "If I can't see it, it no longer exists" state of mind. By seeing you, she's insuring her safety net is there. While the cuddling and holding is what we, as moms, instinctively want to do, start building a bit of a wall there. She cries and screams at bed time, just stick your head around the door and talk to her. Something along the lines of it being okay, just that Mommy has to go to the bathroom or some such. Leave and in a few minutes walk back by the door and say something. This way she learns object permanence while also learning self-entertainment.

When it comes to naps, are you able to lay down with her? If so, spread a blanket on the floor and plop down with her. After 9 months, none of my three kids took true naps unless they were sick. We'd have our "quiet time" with cloth then paper books and call it good. Sometimes I would get lucky and they would drift off for 30 minutes or so but not that often. However, this will help in the long run with her learning that self-entertainment she's going to need to do before falling asleep at night.

The teething also is a factor. When cutting teeth, I could NOT under any circumstances get my daughter to sleep. She was up, bouncing off the walls, etc. until those canines finally broke through then she slept like a rock for all of about 3 hours a night for 2-3 weeks then settled down into a true routine again. The steps above helped. The only thing that would get her to calm down enough to at least allow me the luxury of parking my rump on the couch was a liquid I made up by crushing up a tablespoon of whole cloves and using just enough olive oil to make it soupy. Dabbed it on her gums using a finger (watch for the other teeth in the process, still have a scar on my index finger that I point out to her on occasions). Cloves have a natural anesthetic property and the olive oil soaks in quick.

As for her weight, if she is physically healthy with no metabolic issues, I really do not see where the doc is so all-fired up about her gaining weight. She just might be one of those who are destined to be skinny. My youngest was 7 before he broke the 40lb mark and that was only if he was wearing his cowboy boots complete with mud. All that protein he wants in her system may be part of the problem as well. She's taking in all that energy and has no place to dump it except into behavior.

Last word of advice, call the grandma anyway. She's the one who caused all this anyway... I can guarantee that at least once in your childhood she looked you in the eye and said "I hope you have children just like you" which means she has all that experience just going to waste

 

[Ema]

I went through this with my oldest son and my daughter (middle child) both of them suffer from hyperactivity, my oldest has ADHD, my daughter is just super hyper all the time, I was so thankful when my third child was a great sleeper, lol.

Anyhow I learned from my first that if I planned on having him to sleep by 8 I needed to start by 5, it was always a nightly battle, but in the end I won. With my daughter it was worse she was up almost every 2 hours until she was three years old, it was always something. She too had a terrible time keeping weight on, byt he time she was 4 years old she was still wearing size 2x clothing,

Anyhow, the first year was insane, her dad had to constantly play the guitar for her so she would fall asleep and as soon as he would finish sometimes she would wake right back up all refreshed. It really brought us to the end of our rope.

then I took a real good look at what my children were eating and changed it all, all processed foods left the house in a garbage can, turns out my son and daughter have adverse reactions to preservatives in a lot of foods, my older son has food allergies, and anything with food colouring in it affects him greatly.

I cut out refined sugar, preservatives, additives, artificial flavours and colour, it was hard at first because hey wouldn't eat a lot of the stuff I would give them, so I would give in and allow them to have something familiar, but int he end I won that battle too. My Ped advised me to place my son on ADHD meds and in the end I took him off the meds cause he was like a zombie and that too would prevent him from sleeping properly at night. the diet change worked like a charm, but I also learned, not to introduce anything that could excite them after 5 pm at night, so no loud music or cartoons, or shows that could jump start their energy, right after dinner I allow them to look through books or play quietly, (which by the way took me forever to teach them what quiet time was all about) if they insist on watching tv I put on national geographic or some sort of science show, pretty much something boring. Mind you my kids love national geographic and now can watch a whole show without even making a peep.

I never allowed my kids to cry themselves to sleep because it just simply did not work for them, especially my daughter, if she gets too upset she vomits and then is up for hours trying to calm down. For me it was all about conditioning them to settle down, some kids take longer than others, and I too gave my daughter protein drinks geared for children, here is a little something you should know...............NEVER give it to your kids in the evening, it boosts their energy, so I would give it to her in the morning and or around noon.

My kids are huge snackers, but they do not eat junk they eat healthy foods, the thing is since I had a hard time getting them to eat a whole meal and keeping weight on I allowed them to eat when they needed to, making snacks available for them.

It gets better. just try changing her diet and giving her more time for settling into sleep, and see if it works. You will win the battle too.

Ema

 

[Souperchicken]

My son just turned two and he weighs 20 lbs. He is healthy, just small. It might just be genetic, even if you or you DH isn't small, maybe somewhere down the ancestry line.

As for the hyperactivity, my BIL and SIL have a daughter who was off the charts hyper. When she was younger, every night was a struggle to put her to bed. She has a will and stubbornness that is unbelievable. It was sometimes hard to be around- and I had kids the same age who were considered high energy.
They put her in a gymnastic class- 3 hours every day after school and it channels a lot of her energy. She's been doing it for years, not only is it a confidence builder, she loves it and it gets much of the energy burned off. She competes and wins top medals also. She's 11 now and is still full of energy, but she has mellowed out quite a bit.
I have a BIL who was very hyper and energetic and he took up biking and competes and does well. He bikes almost every day for several hours. He told me the other day if he doesn't bike for a few days, he feels a need to get the energy out.

I think some people just have more energy, doesn't necessarily mean something is "wrong" with them, they are just wired differently. Like I said I have high energy kids and I decided long ago not to have them watch TV, video games, etc, unless it was for a special time. I found when they sit for a long period of time they seem more hyper after. But when I needed a break from their energy, I would walk them around the block, take them to the park, have races, etc. I even walked them to and from school everyday for a while, just to get the energy out. Not only did it help them, but it helped me feel better too.

My oldest son was so energetic he wouldn't sit on my lap, I actually had to work with him just to get him to stay on my lap for a few minutes. He only wanted me holding him if I was standing up. It was crazy and I had to chase him everywhere. He loved to climb and still does. I call him my mountain goat when we go hiking because he is always running up ahead and climbing on rocks. Also he loved to bounce like a kangaroo from couch to couch and could do it for a really long time. It was crazy to watch. I got him a little trampoline for inside so he could bounce. Just today he was bouncing and doing flips onto the couch.

Once he had grown out of his high chair, I couldn't get him to sit down to eat. He still wants to stand and move around when he eats, he's 10 now, but has gotten much better about sitting. He's always the first one to jump up if we need anything at the table or otherwise. He loves to RUN and get me things. He is a really good boy and doesn't have an aggressive bone in his body, thank goodness. He is just wired differently and it makes him unique. That's just one of my kids. I actually have two other high energy kids who I could tell you about, but will stop with my stories for now.

I know it is hard dealing with high energy kids and some days I didn't feel sane. It seems my kids have mellowed out, or maybe I have mellowed or maybe a little of both, either way, it gets easier to deal with the energy as they get older.