Help me convince my hubby we need another child!

[SpringChickens]

Ok, my DH and I have an amazing four-year-old daughter. She is incredible and we love her to death! I am currently in school for my PhD, but I am very ready to have another baby. Unfortunately, my husband things we should wait until we move back to California (not a guaranteed thing at all!!).

I have another 1.5 to 2 years left in my program but am essentially done with my classes - just research remaining. I don't currently do any research that I couldn't do while pregnant and my last 6 months/year will be mostly writing my dissertation. When I get done here, I will most likely get a post-doc position or move into an assistant professor position. I don't know what type of research I would be doing and there is a good chance I would be working with hazardous substances - not ideal for getting pregnant again!!!

So here's my other issue; our daughter is four. I am worried we will wait too long, we won't want to start all over again and we will end up with an only child (not the end of the world, but I really want more than one!!). My husband has already made noises to this effect.

So how do I convince him? Help!!

 

[MissPrissy]

So how do I convince him?

You don't.

He needs to come to the decision himself.

If you back him into a corner or he feels pressured your marriage and your relationship could severely suffer.

Lay out your wants. He lays out his. Somewhere along the way you can only hope and pray you find a middle ground.

My kids are varied in ages - 23, almost 13 and 4 with a stepdaughter 15. I was also a surrogate for someone else in between my own. It is never too late or the wait to long to have a child.​

 

[SpringChickens]

Quote:
You don't.

He needs to come to the decision himself.

If you back him into a corner or he feels pressured your marriage and your relationship could severely suffer.

Lay out your wants. He lays out his. Somewhere along the way you can only hope and pray you find a middle ground.

My kids are varied in ages - 23, almost 13 and 4 with a stepdaughter 15. I was also a surrogate for someone else in between my own. It is never too late or the wait to long to have a child.

Thanks! I just wish that what you were saying wasn't so true!! I think he's on the verge of agreeing - I'm just being impatient and want someone to come up with the "magic words" that will push him over the edge.

I have told him that it needs to be his decision and if he says no that means no.

 

[I have WHAT in my yard?]

Quote:
You don't.

He needs to come to the decision himself.

If you back him into a corner or he feels pressured your marriage and your relationship could severely suffer.

Lay out your wants. He lays out his. Somewhere along the way you can only hope and pray you find a middle ground.

My kids are varied in ages - 23, almost 13 and 4 with a stepdaughter 15. I was also a surrogate for someone else in between my own. It is never too late or the wait to long to have a child.

What she said. Plus one child is a wonderful thing! The population of the planet is too high anyway.

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

I do not entirely agree that it is or should be his decision. It should be a decision that you two make together. If you had previous conversations about the size of family you wanted, that should also be factored in and discussed. For example, if you have always wanted and stated that you wanted a large family, and he agreed to that, changing the rules midstream is not fair to you. The reverse would be true also. This does not mean that a decision about the number of children can never be changed, it means that a change needs to take into account the wants and perceived needsof TWO people, not just half the couple.

There is no perfect time to have a child. There are so many variables that come into play. Children are messy and inconvenient and take enormous amounts of work--and the vast majority of people cannot begin to imagine not having children of their own.