help me deal with this

[Cackel]

This is about my Granddaughter,this was her last year in school and when she got her year book she could take it around for people to buy pages in it befor it came out ,she took the book to her other gandparents and they bought a full page add ,that showed pictures of her when she was little, when i ask her where her book was she said Ho I had to turn it back in ,I said why didn't you bring it by here ,and she said she didn't have time,I was soooooo hurt ,Me and papa didn't get to write anything in the book and now it was going to be published .So anyway I just put it behind me and went on ,then a month later she was at my house and she said she had to go to town and take a birthday card by her other grandmothers because it was her birthday , That was july25 and my Birthday was on aug.10 .The day of my birthday she never called me or came by , I didn't see her until Aug.22 when she was to leave going to college,when she came by that day I was really cold to her ,didn't have much to say at all ,and befor she left she said you will talk to me or I will never step foot in this house again then she stormed out .I didn't here anymore from her until Thanksgiveing day she came here just like she always has. Not one word of Im sorry Nana That I treated you that way.Nothing . This is a child that I gave everything to and did everything for her,She nevered wanted for nothing ,we even got her her first car .I gave her a 600.00 birthday party when she turned 16. I loved her so much I would have given her my last dollar ,my last piece of bread and my last breath. Now after 18 years I feel like she didn't care anything about me ,no love ,no respect nothing , and I find it very hard to be around her now and I don't know what to do about this ,She is my only granddaughter and my son's only child .I speak to her only when she speaks to me and I find myself wishing she just wouldn't come at all.I have preyed about this ,But I just don't know how I will ever get over it.So help me and don't hold back if you think I am wrong .Thanks for letting me sound off

 

[mtnhomechick]

I really don't know. Can only guess. Do the other gparents give her more money. Is she materalistic? Is there an unresolved issue? Do you have a good relationship with her parents?

These would be questions I would ask myself if it were me.

 

[antiquebuff]

Do you get along with your daughter in law ? It sounds like she has been taught to give her Moms parents more respect that to you. I am sorry you are going thru this and you are not alone. Young people this age are notorious for their bad manners and lack of respect. But, that is no excuse! I think you are doing the right thing. Keep loving her and be there for her but do not allow her to treat you this way. I know it hurts, but no more that allowing her to behave the way she is.
Good luck and keep praying for guidance.

 

[agnes_day]

i remember when i was a teenager...i was so thoughtless towards my grandparents! i bet that she doesn't mean to be so rude, she is just caught up in just getting out of school and almost being an adult and just didn't think. maybe you could invite her out to eat, or over for dinner and have a talk about it.

 

[eggchel]

I think that you should continue to love her and interact with her as though everything is normal between you. She is young, give her a break. Besides, why destroy your relationship with her because you are feeling envious of the attention that she payed to her other grandparents.
Just love her. Its okay if she loves her other grandparents, too. What a lucky girl that she has grandparents available to her. Lots of kids dont.

Chel

 

[mikarod]

Quote:
I agree. It wasn't until my mom died in college that I realized family was the most important thing. At ALL times.

 

[shareneh]

I know how you feel and I know how she feels.

It's hard to tell someone they should pay attention to you or do things that show respect. I think you should sit down with her and explain how you feel so that she understands. The silent treatment is never a good tactic. She isn't a mind reader. If you need more from her ask. She will probably be able to understand what you need more this way than by trying to guess.

Kids are very distracted at this age. Believe me, I have three that just left the nest. Only one calls just to talk, the others only call for car repairs or money. I was hurt at first but then realized that I was the same way at that age. It isn't personal and when they grow up and have more responsibilities they will look back and appreciate you for all you have done. Don't lose heart. If you shut off communication with her now you may set up a behaviour that carries into the future.

Anyway, you know and I know she will always love and need her granny. Even if she doesn't right now.

 

[Cackel]

I get along real good with her mother and her other grandparents ,Im not jelous of them and no they don't give or do as much for her as we do ,I just feel so hurt and left out by her ,like we didn't even matter to her at all.Maybe i should try and talk to her and tell her how i feel ,I just feel like she walked all over me,

 

[ruby]

Touchy subject. This is your family. I wouldn't close any doors, because you don't know what is influencing her actions. If you have a good open relationship with your son that is the first person I would talk to. Be honest, and open don't talk too much about how much your hurt, but ask why he thinks she acts this way to you, then listen. In a couple of years, when you think she is adult enough, you can let her know how you feel, then listen to her. It's important to hear the other side. Remember she will grow up and change as a young woman, your willingness to listen to her side will hopefully help her open up to you. We have experience on our side, she is just learning. good luck and don't take too hard.

 

[Suellyn]

I agree with Ruby.

And you are the grownup.

And she is the hormonal, self-absorbed, YOUNG, distracted, tryin' to figure it all out, screwed up TEEN.... As many of us were. And turned out okay..EVENTUALLY.. maybe in our late 20's or 30s...

I believe it is up to us, the "GROWNUPS" to lead by example, forgive, be kind, but don't take the bullsh**, impose consequence but with love. It's funny because my girls are much younger, only 7 and 4 years old, but HOLY HECK they can push my buttons sometimes, make me angry, make me feel guilty, make me feel sad, make me feel unloved...

But I am the grownup (dammit...!!!!!!).

So I guess it's up to me to understand that all of this crap is either unintended, or selfish, or short-sighted, or just a way to express something that they are not mature enough to put into constructive words or actions, or maybe they just want to see me FREAK OUT for a few minutes (it's probably pretty interesting from their point of view!! )And all of it is very AGE RELATED and not a heartfelt desire to hurt me.

This isn't to say that this kind of action is okay or should be rewarded, but again, I'm the grownup, so I TRY (and certainly fail sometimes!!) to be the bigger person, I TRY to figure out what is motivating them, I TRY to impose appropriate consequence balanced by love and desire to TEACH... And I TRY to remember that I'm the GROWNUP, dammit!!!!

I am sorry that you are feeling so sad and hurt, and I don't kow you or your family dynamics, but I do know that you are the grownup, and that it is quite possible (PROBABLE!!) that your granddaughter has NO IDEA how you are feeling, and has no desire to impose this kind of sadness on you. It's kinda ironic, but ain't NO WAY anyone "gets" this kind of emotion until they have children of their own... and she hasn't yet, has she?