help me deal with this

Date sort Score sort
I'm sorry for what you are going thru.
hugs.gif

My grandparents have been gone for over 10 years now, and I still miss them dearly everyday.
I think you should talk to her directly. Ask her if she feels there is a rift between the two of you. If you've always been close, then I'd think something must have happened for her to act this way. With all those teenage hormones, the least little thing could have set her off. Give her the chance to express her feelings so the two of you can work thru whatever the problem may be.

Good luck!
 
I was pretty stupid and socially tone deaf when I was 18. A few things were fixed with a little talk from parents, relatives, friends, mentors. Some of it was fixed with some time in the real world. I cannot say that it is all fixed at this point, though.
 
I agree with and 2nd all the suellyn says.

When we are 18, we don't think of much other than ourselves.

The first thing that comes to my mind, is maybe her mother is better at reminding her to do things for her other grandparents than your son may be at it. I'm just thinking from a male communication standpoint.

I'd definitely talk to your son about your feelings and what he thinks might be going on. I'd also attempt to talk to her, but understand that you need to keep it fairly light for it to be productive conversation with her.

All in all - don't burn any bridges, shes family. She'll mature and (hopefully) come around.

hugs.gif
 
Yes sounds like a 18yr old girl. My daughter was the same way, good thing is she is about to turn 21 and last year everything changed. Now I get calls at least 4 times a day, mom how do you do this, how do you do that. She will come around, just remember why you love her so, and forgive her for yourself. I was reading my daughters myspace page the other day, she had wrote that I was her hero. She wrote she was glad I never gave up on her because if I had she didn't know where she would be or how she would have turned out. Just remember that. The more they love you, the harder they push away at that age, not sure why but it happens.
 
Just an odd thought. What if you are giving her so much and loving her so much she takes it for granted and feels no need to try and "buy" it from you? Perhaps the other grandparents don't give her enough attention and so she feels she needs to "buy" it from them with what ever she is doing? But what do I know, I'm only a few years older than your grand daughter, so this might not be making any sense.
 
Well my 2 cents isn't always worth much but I learned a long time ago that kids don't think of a persons feelings if they are sure that they are loved by that person.

This girl knows that you love her so she just takes it for granted that you will always love her. Just like those favorite toys that would sit on the shelf forever until she had time for them. She is setting you on a shelf until she decides she needs you again.

I hate that shelf, my 4 kids do this to me and have done it to me for years and where am I when they need me, right there. So I took a stand and I am always there with advice but the money help has stopped. I make sure they know I love them but I now tell them NO.

I would tell her how you feel, she can't read your mind. And I think you have a right to be hurt by what she has done and dang it you have a right to be mad. I would tell your son and her how you feel, I would have them there together. Then I would leave the door open she will come around and respect you or she won't. My money is on that she will.

You can not be a rug unless you lay down on the floor and let people walk on you.

Good luck and I will be wondering if you are still laying on that floor or not.
 
Quote:
This is probably where a lot of the problem comes from. Sometimes in our kindness, we accidentally teach our kids that we are there to be taken advantage of. She is not a child. She is 18 and an adult. I wouldn't give her the silent treatment. As another poster said, she's not a mind reader. Just ask her flat out, "What's up?" Get the conversation started. Be prepared for the possibility that sometimes sweet kids don't grow up to be sweet adults. Give her a chance though. You have too much invested in her to give up too easily. I would also stop trying to do so much for her. Some of the reason she is pushing you away might be because she needs her independence and needs to do things for herself. We are not here to stop our children from falling, to catch them when they do or give them a soft place to land. But, when they do fall, we should give them a boot in the rear to make them get back up.
 
I think it is time for a sit down with the young beast woman...lay it out to her on how she has behaved, how she has hurt you and why you are hurt. There is no excuse whatsoever for blatantly disrespect of an older especially one that loves you so deeply. Grandmothers are to be cherished not abandoned and pushed aside.

at the very least, I would write her and tell her exactly what you have told us. she needs to know what an inconsiderate sod she has been.

hugs.gif


PS that son of mine would get an earfull also. He needs to know how his daughter is behaving and treating his mother.
 
Last edited:
Quote:
I can only think of a direct way to say this - don't mean to hurt any feelings - but you are the adult. I get the impression that you were so bent out of shape over not getting a card that you forgot that & threw a fit when she was trying to see you before leaving for school. Teenagers are just self-centered. Don't lose your GD over this.
 
Oh, my heart goes out to you. You have asked us to help and hold nothing back, well, here goes. But first, please understand that these words are all coming from a sympathetic mind, there is absolutely NO intention to hurt! But I think I might have a little insight here, using your own words....

This is a child that I gave everything to and did everything for her,She nevered wanted for nothing ,we even got her her first car .I gave her a 600.00 birthday party when she turned 16. I loved her so much I would have given her my last dollar ,my last piece of bread and my last breath. Now after 18 years I feel like she didn't care anything about me ,no love ,no respect nothing

I dont know how you were raised, I only know my own experiences. I was a privelaged child. The youngest of a generation, Golden, glowing and spoiled. I have now grown up a lot, have children of my own, and been similiarly snubbed by them. I did not know the value of the words 'Thank You', until I wanted to hear them. We teach our children to say them out of habit, but we dont teach them the meaning. Why do we have to appreciate whats being given to us, if it comes from an eternal wellspring? If it is gauranteed, then we come to expect it.

I would be willing to bet, that this young person has no clue as to why you are upset with her. She does not have the experience to understand that anger is a secondary emotion, and always follows HURT! You can not handle her the way you are, and expect any improvement on the situation. You need to be the Grandmother, ask her to come see you, and tell her you want her to come and plan on staying for a while because you 'need to talk'. Be prepared, have a list of her 'offenses'. NOT to attack her with, but to remind you, so that you can help her to understand what hurt you!

I am willing to bet that the other grandmother laid out her preferences and needs in some conversation, and the child knew that in order to stay in good graces, she had to go thru certain steps/rituals. Did you ever discuss that with her? Are these needs you actually have, or did you just want the cards, and words cause you knew the other GM was getting them? Evaluate what you really need from this child, she clearly doesnt know. All she knows right now, is that her feelings are hurt too. That is why she is being so hurtful to you. She is a child.

Vent with us, get the emotions out of the equation so when you meet with her, you can be Grandmotherly. She is not your peer, she needs your guidance. Only you can tell her how much she has hurt you. Believe me, you will be closer and happier for your effort.

I hope this can help, you are in my thoughts!
 

New posts New threads Active threads

Back
Top Bottom