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- #11
I talked to dh and it's he is hanging on to the sister before drugs took her over, she was who he looked up to as a child, their dad died when he was 11 of a heart attack right in front of him, he does have issues talking period. He did not know before she came here she was so bad off, it kills him that she gave up her children, all of his brothers and sisters do not have their kids, and it bothers him, they went from such good caring parents to partying fools. He thinks it's my anger and that I have hate towards his sister, I do not hate her, but I can't have her here and I'm sick of the thought that as long as her stuff is here, we are not safe. She use to be my friend, but the change she has gone threw, I don't know her anymore. I can't get over how dedicated to her children she use to be, how independent she use to be. For days I cried for her children, her oldest is wondering in that town living with this person and that, her 2 youngest, all they want is to see their mom and she doesn't want to see them. I have talked to all the family members and they knew she had stolen their stuff, she had hung around their houses, bounced from one to the other, before she moved over here. No one has seen her since and no one wants to press charges, there is a little girl missing over there in that town that is very close to the family and they are dedicating their time to help find her.
I called mom/grandma and did as a few of you said, asked her if she would keep things I thought were important to her daughter, but she wants nothing to do with her, same as me, we can't trust her. I do not have the room to keep a house full of stuff, most of the clothes are molded, there are bags of take out just thrown on the ground, growing stuff on it, the kitchen sink has mold on it, she just left food splattered in it, the bathroom is torn up and growing stuff in it. It's ruined, not to a point to where I can't fix it, but what I had already done to that house, new carpet, new paint, covered holes in the walls, there are nicks , the holes where she used roofing nails to hang cardboard over all the windows, 2 doors have holes in them now.(punch marks) I think I will leave this alone until DH goes to work, Monday, and I will just do away with it all, save what things she stole that belonged to their dad, I know it has always bothered DH he has nothing left of his dad, I found pictures she has taken from an Uncle, I will hold them for him and I found his dad's guitar, I showed him that guitar and that brought the tears and helped us talk. There is a lot going on in his mind and heart, but he isn't angry at me anymore, I understand how he feels and where he is coming from and he agreed with me, that she is an endangerment to our home and family, I explained to him why I have such a hard time leaving the house, I am scared she will come in and rob us blind like she has done the rest of the family, or her people will show up and do the same. I am going to clear the house out, store "important" item's in the attic, and I will sell the large items, to help recover the damages done to that house, what clothes I can get cleaned decent I will donate to the shelter over here. Thank you everyone, I really needed others opinions, I felt caught, and I am such a stubborn person sometimes, that I only see one way, I still do, but at least it wasn't a big fight and it came down to a heart to heart between DH and I. This also brought out, that she didn't even give the 150, because she had offered it in food stamps and DH told me she gave it to him, but he just told her to get the cash the following week. She tried to tell him that she didn't need them, she gets 800 because they still think she has her kids and that she would just sell them and get him the cash!!! He told her not to and it was never brought up again, but does explain the extra hours taken the week after by DH. When he told me this, I sent in an anonymous call for fraud, I am very against using and abusing the welfare system , I have been on the bottom of the tole pole, young, single mother who busted her butt for her back then 3 kids, I was on the welfare system for 6 months, but I was in a crawling to walk mode and had my heart set on I would take care of my family and we wouldn't need the help. The guilt I felt then for even having to use food stamps and medicaid , I felt I was taking from others who needed it more. I can't imagine using or abusing that system, not sure how it all works, but I feel she is taking from others who can use it, and the bottom line is, she is probably selling them for her drug use anyways. Maybe it will be the start of her getting help. Who knows. Thank you guys.
I called mom/grandma and did as a few of you said, asked her if she would keep things I thought were important to her daughter, but she wants nothing to do with her, same as me, we can't trust her. I do not have the room to keep a house full of stuff, most of the clothes are molded, there are bags of take out just thrown on the ground, growing stuff on it, the kitchen sink has mold on it, she just left food splattered in it, the bathroom is torn up and growing stuff in it. It's ruined, not to a point to where I can't fix it, but what I had already done to that house, new carpet, new paint, covered holes in the walls, there are nicks , the holes where she used roofing nails to hang cardboard over all the windows, 2 doors have holes in them now.(punch marks) I think I will leave this alone until DH goes to work, Monday, and I will just do away with it all, save what things she stole that belonged to their dad, I know it has always bothered DH he has nothing left of his dad, I found pictures she has taken from an Uncle, I will hold them for him and I found his dad's guitar, I showed him that guitar and that brought the tears and helped us talk. There is a lot going on in his mind and heart, but he isn't angry at me anymore, I understand how he feels and where he is coming from and he agreed with me, that she is an endangerment to our home and family, I explained to him why I have such a hard time leaving the house, I am scared she will come in and rob us blind like she has done the rest of the family, or her people will show up and do the same. I am going to clear the house out, store "important" item's in the attic, and I will sell the large items, to help recover the damages done to that house, what clothes I can get cleaned decent I will donate to the shelter over here. Thank you everyone, I really needed others opinions, I felt caught, and I am such a stubborn person sometimes, that I only see one way, I still do, but at least it wasn't a big fight and it came down to a heart to heart between DH and I. This also brought out, that she didn't even give the 150, because she had offered it in food stamps and DH told me she gave it to him, but he just told her to get the cash the following week. She tried to tell him that she didn't need them, she gets 800 because they still think she has her kids and that she would just sell them and get him the cash!!! He told her not to and it was never brought up again, but does explain the extra hours taken the week after by DH. When he told me this, I sent in an anonymous call for fraud, I am very against using and abusing the welfare system , I have been on the bottom of the tole pole, young, single mother who busted her butt for her back then 3 kids, I was on the welfare system for 6 months, but I was in a crawling to walk mode and had my heart set on I would take care of my family and we wouldn't need the help. The guilt I felt then for even having to use food stamps and medicaid , I felt I was taking from others who needed it more. I can't imagine using or abusing that system, not sure how it all works, but I feel she is taking from others who can use it, and the bottom line is, she is probably selling them for her drug use anyways. Maybe it will be the start of her getting help. Who knows. Thank you guys.
