Homestead Invaders

[owmom]

Does anyone else have trouble with people wanting to invade their homestead. My husband has these friends that are constantly trying to do various things at our home. We already have a pig of theirs here and share a garden with them, but they keep pushing for more. I am fine with the way things are now but I do not want anymore. I haven't figured out how to tell them without hurting feelings. I would have my hubby do it but he doesn't know how to say no to people and he doesn't really see a problem with it. They have basically told me that they are planning on coming out once a week to visit their pigs and to help out. Of course the day they have picked is the only day that I have to myself. I may sound like I am ranting, but I am at wits end with this. They keep coming up with all these new things for "us" to do on our property and I really just want to have our home to ourselves...
I need some advice or someone to tell me I am crazy! lol!

 

[barbiegirl]

I just have an acre, nothing big. If one day, I would get my acrage and my close friends wanted to have a pig or garden I would let them. As long as they shared the work, not once a week. If I am doing all the work then I would want all the fruits of my labor. I wouldn't want to do all the work and see non of the results. I would explain, set the rules beforehand, if the rules aren't followed, then they forfeit the harvest. Maybe someone else that has a homestead can help. Good luck.

 

[akelley]

If they are your friends, then they should understand if you explain to them that you need a day to yourself, and that you're starting to feel invaded in your own home. Try to calmly, nicely explain to them that things need to stay as they are, because you are beginning to feel overwhelmed. Also point out that you'd rather preserve your friendship
By keeping things the same, than terminate it over hard feelings.
If they are not receptive to your feelings, then maybe it is time for them to find another outlet for their farming aspirations.

If your husband doesn't see anything wrong with the situation, then maybe you need to explain your feelings to him, as well. Your husband, of all people, should be in your corner, and I bet if he knew how bothered you are by it, he would back you up.

That being said, I have no firsthand knowledge of "sharing" my property with anyone. But most people are rational, and I think they at least need to know how you are feeling, before the friendship is damaged.

Keep us updated, and I hope you find a way out that keeps everyone feeling good.

 

[CityGirlintheCountry]

I totally understand wanting to have a day to myself without having to entertain company. Sounds like they want to "play" at homesteading and you have a handy, free site for them to use. You aren't the park and you aren't Disneyland. If they are only coming out once a week to check on their livestock and garden, then it sounds like you are doing all the hard parts of their "farming". If it works for you, then great, but if it is a hassle (and it sounds like it is), then you need to explain it to your husband and he needs to stop their behavior (since they are his friends and he originally allowed them to do it). Once the pig is slaughtered and the garden is in for the winter would be a fine time to say, "You know, this has been fun, but we have made other plans for next year". Your husband needs to back you up on this.

There also may be some insurance regulations that would help you stop it. If people are just visiting your house it is one thing, but if they are regularly coming out to "work" and have property on your land, that changes a lot legally. I know my sister was told that she could not keep a horse for someone in their back pasture since it meant that the other person would be consistently coming on the land. It was considered a liability. If neither of you want to be the heavy, blame it on the insurance company.

 

[sourland]

CityGirl suggests a good 'out' blame any restrictions you wish to apply on the 'Insurance Company'. Are you wrong to want privacy in your own home? HECK NO! As much as I love our family there comes a time when I can't wait for them to go home.

 

[Nagi]

I'm sorry your husband's friends have pushed the limits and have you feeling uncomfortable in your own home. This sounds like a matter for your husband to handle. He is the protector, and as well meaning as his friends are, they need to understand that 1. you come first in your home and 2.there are rules--they cannot make decisions that you aren't 100% on board with.

 

[hdmax]

Friendship is a two way street, if it is one sided, it become a user and not a friend!
I have a brother that would take the shirt off your back if he had the chance. To bad you can't get rid of family!

It is nice to help others, but once they try an take over, you need to put a stop to it asap, or it will quickly get out of hand!
Let them know that if they expect Walfare, they can go to the Government for those handouts!

 

[Casey3043]

Wow! They sound pretty nervy! On the other hand, they may have no idea that they are invading your peace and privacy and stepping on your toes. Some people are just oblivious to the effect their behavior is having on others. I am by nature a solitary person, and this situation sounds like a nightmare to me.

In the end, YOU bought the property for your own use, NOT with the idea of having a communal farmstead. They need to buy their own land and then they can do what they wish with it. Other posters are right that you should get your husband's help in breaking the news to these people that they must find another place for their farming aspirations. Once the pig is gone and the garden finished, they are done using your homestead. They can't bring any more livestock to your place, nor can they use your land for a garden. They have plenty of time to find another place before spring planting and piglets come around.

He must explain to them that you have your own plans for the place, and that includes having your day of solitude. Nothing is worse (for me) than having my quiet day invaded by visitors! If your husband can't do it, you'll have to step up, unfair as that seems. It just depends on how determined you are. He may not realize (if you haven't spoken up) how much it bothers you.
If you lose them as friends, it doesn't sound to me that you have lost much.

 

[furbabymum]

I wouldn't let people use our property. What if a predator attack and kills the pig? Would they be looking at you to reimburse them for the cost because you are in charge of them? They paying you to go out there and take care of their stuff? I know how much work animals are and gardens are and having land is. it's a lot. If someone wanted to add to my work load I'd be charging them.

 

[Baymule]

Moochers. They are coming out once a week to visit their pig and their garden? Don't these idiots know pigs eat more than ONE day a week? Just who is feeding and watering these pigs the other 6 days a week? Oh! Wait! These must be MIRICLE pigs that eat dirt and absorb the humidity in the air through the pores in their skin! Quick! Kidnap the pig and sell it for million$ to Hormel!!!

Are these "friends" going to share the meat with you? I hope at least they are buying the feed. Do they even say thank you for feeding and watering their pig the other 6 days a week? Or do these users think they are doing you some kind of favor by parking their porker on your property? Grrrrr.........

And they share a garden with you too. How nice of them to intrude on your day off to help out. Again, do these inconsiderate bimbos think gardens thrive on ONE DAY's worth of care? Who weeds, waters and cares for it the rest of the week?

The worst part is that they are probably nice people that are absolutely clueless about respecting others property and privacy. What you have to do right now is to tell them politely but firmly that the day they have chosen is the only day you have to yourself. Tell them nicely that that is your day to recharge and rest. If they insist they wouldn't be a problem, stick to your guns and tell them that you absolutely have to have your privacy and for them to pick another day. Say it with a smile and do not give in. Tell them you run naked in the garden and pee on the corner fence posts to keep Bigfoot away. Obviously having an audience while engaged in such activities would be a real downer and stifle your creativity.

And yes, DH and I have 16 acres a few miles from town where we keep our horses. People have asked to hunt on our land. Really? On sixteen acres? Don't these ugmos know that bullets do in fact, cross fence lines? NO. NO you can't hunt on our property, but I hear that another place on that same road is for sale if you are interested. And then the idiots fade away............ People have asked to go mud dogging on our land. They have asked to go 4-wheeling on our land. People have asked if they could put their horses or cows on our land. Funny thing, when we say no, they just drift away. Yep, that's what real friends are made of.......

When you finally get the prize, when you finally enjoy the fruits of all your hard labors, when you bust your butt to make the down payment and the monthly payments, tell me why it is that "friends" suddenly think they have the right to enjoy all that you have worked so hard for? Funny how friends suddenly come out of the woodwork to use what you have like you owe it to them.

Finish out the garden, finish out the pig. Then stop. This is your and your husband's home and land. If your DH doesn't see anything wrong with his friends using your property, then read this to him. Let him know you feel invaded in your own home. Then together, put an end to it.