~*Honey's Life*~ A Story of a Duck

[DuckLover2399]

Quote:
Then we shall revive it

I'll help!

 

[pekinduck<3er]

Quote:
Then we shall revive it

I'll help!

Thanks

I don't know if the Story I'm making is okay...Could you help me with your opinion?Like your true opinion I don't care if it's mean

 

[pekinduck<3er]

Quote:
Then we shall revive it

Thanks!

 

[DinosRBirds]

Your most prominent problem is this...

When you pus said, or anything like thatin front of a spoken sentence, or question, you don' t need anything behind it. I' ll show you.

 

[pekinduck<3er]

Quote:

Thanks okay

 

[DinosRBirds]

Quote:
what you wrote
Honey dove into the water and shivered at how cold it was,though she felt warm at the same time from the warm sun rays hitting her.She looked up into the sky and saw tons of Insects.She swam up to her mom and asked "what are those?" she said looking interested in the buzzing insects.
Midnight answered "They're called Dragonflys" she smiled and caught one."Here try it" she said and gave it to Honey who happily munched and crunched on it."Yum!Dragonflys taste good!" she said and quickly dove under water.She came back up and swam around and cleaned herself off.

What you should've written
Honey dove into the water and shivered at how cold it was, though she felt warm at the same time from the rays of the sun hitting her.
Looking up into the sky she saw tons of Insects.
She swam up to her mom and asked "What are those?" interested in the buzzing things.
Midnight answered "They're called Dragonflys" and she smiled & caught one."Here try it" she said and gave it to Honey who happily munched and crunched on it.
"Yum!Dragonflys taste good!" Honey said and quickly dove under water.
She came back up and swam around and cleaned herself off.
And make sure to indent.

 

[pekinduck<3er]

Quote:
what you wrote
Honey dove into the water and shivered at how cold it was,though she felt warm at the same time from the warm sun rays hitting her.She looked up into the sky and saw tons of Insects.She swam up to her mom and asked "what are those?" she said looking interested in the buzzing insects.
Midnight answered "They're called Dragonflys" she smiled and caught one."Here try it" she said and gave it to Honey who happily munched and crunched on it."Yum!Dragonflys taste good!" she said and quickly dove under water.She came back up and swam around and cleaned herself off.

What you should've written
Honey dove into the water and shivered at how cold it was, though she felt warm at the same time from the warm rays of the sun hitting her.
Looking up into the sky she saw tons of Insects.
She swam up to her mom and asked "What are those?" interested in the buzzing insects.
Midnight answered "They're called Dragonflys" she smiled and caught one."Here try it" she said and gave it to Honey who happily munched and crunched on it.
"Yum!Dragonflys taste good!" Honey said and quickly dove under water.
She came back up and swam around and cleaned herself off.

Thanks alot!!!I'll write my next chapters like that!!!!!

 

[pekinduck<3er]

Will write some chapters later gotta go to bed bye

 

[DinosRBirds]

Night!

 

[pekinduck<3er]

~Chapter 3

.......I heard screams by the lake last night,and alot of snaps and growls....." Croc said sadly looking down.
Honey had felt bad that she left them,but was glas that some made it.
Croc looked in the sky "The sun is high today so I can teach you alot,becuase..well you mother can't" He said and walked off to the lake.
Honey,Buffy,Blueberry and Trouble all followed him down to the lake.
When Croc got there he was dipped into the somewhat warm lake water.
Croc let out a grunt as he felt relaxed in the water.
His feather had a Green sheen to them and his red eyes shined in the sun making them look scarier.
Though Honey and the rest thought he was normal.
Honey and her siblings plopped themselves into the water and cleaned themselves off and dove underwater.
"Okay today i'll teach you about Animals" Croc said
Honey and her siblings nodded and watched.
Croc swam over to some lilypads and caught a frog,he showed it to them "This is a Frog" he said and let it hop off on land.
Honey thought the odd creature was cool,so she followed it.
But then she met a hard animal.
Croc went over "This is called a Turtle!Watch out though they eat ducklings" he said as the turtle dove into the water quickly.
Croc swam around looking and came upon a fish nest "These are Bass" he said and poked at one and it swam away fast.
Buffy was scared of it since it was way larger than her,she quickly went over to croc and stayed by his side.
Croc smiled slightly but then swam over to another Mallard mother nest.
The mother growled fiercly and covered her 9 babies as they hid underneath of her.
"We are'nt going to hurt you young,I'm just teaching these ones the world" Croc said smoothly.
The mother mallard nodded abd let her young come out,they all peeped happily and ran around their mother playfully.
Honey watched sadly as she missed her mother dearly.
Buffy,Trouble and Blueberry ran over and played with the ducklings while Honey stayed behind with Croc.
"Could I...Uh take a nap right now?" Said Honey
Croc nodded and Honey dozed off next to him dreaming about her mother....
To be Continued....