House Divided by Religion

[alpinefarm]

Quote:
I would also check your bank accounts.

Thankfully I have complete control over the bank accounts lol. He had a bank account when we got together and he does not know how to manage money. He bounced it so many times they closed on him. So now I'm in control of all that.

Again, it sounds to me like he has some mental health issues. Many people turn to religion as a way to calm their minds or make sense of their confusion...

You have been married a while, to have children together growing up, and much invested in your marriage. Divorce is never easy nor painless, especially so for the children who love and need both parents. And his attachment to his new-found religious group may not last. If he is indeed depressed and not rational, he may need your help and urging to find help for himself, as a part of depression is often the lack of judgement or motivation to reach out for solutions.

 

[PotterWatch]

I just hope you don't think that all Jews are like this group seems to be, though I don't even consider Messianics to be Jews... the name they give themselves can be confusing though. The holiday where you slept outside is called Sukkot and is a harvest festival where you are supposed to spend the night outside where you can see the stars through the roof of your dwelling (sukkah). I don't have any idea why your husband would be out until midnight for services. I certainly have never been out that late, let alone stayed all night.

I became a Jew after my husband and I married, when my youngest was two years old in fact. My husband is much the same as you. He doesn't identify with any one religion though he did celebrate Christmas and Easter for the most part. Before we made any changes in how we handled holidays, we had lots of discussions. Since I was the one initiating changes, I tried to be very sensitive. With Passover (Pesach), coming up; my boys and I won't be eating any bread or anything like that, but I don't clear it out of the house because my husband still eats it. He is certainly well within his rights to do so and I would never think to tell him he can't, just as he would never tell me such a thing.

If I were you, I would sit him down and attempt to have a conversation with him about how his choices are affecting you and the rest of the family. He may or may not wish to listen, but you have to at least say try. If it continues, you may have to decide if you want to, or can, continue dealing with his new beliefs. I love my husband, but if he suddenly came home and tried to uproot everything simply because his own beliefs had changed, I would seriously consider ending our marriage. Especially if he was trying to tell me that I had to be submissive to him in all things. That would NOT fly.

 

[EweSheep]

Then you must go alone in counseling and be on your toes for yourself and kids. I would not change anything in my own holidays, like you, I am that way too. I have no specific faith but respectful of what my dd is learning in her school. Prayers at lunch and she wanted to say her prayers, I would pray WITH her while my husband excuses himself to wash his hands or "tune out" when prayers are being said by my dd. We both wanted something best for dd even both me and my hubby have different religious views. We do celebrate holidays but for me, it was fun for the kids while hubby goes along with it (his family does not celebrate much of anything except for Thanksgiving and Xmas and they are not church goers either).

Counseling is important and you would need guidance in how far you will go into this "cult" like...it is disrespectful to you and your kids when your husband is subjecting you to all of it in HIS way or none at all.

Call a counselor tomorrow first thing, its important for you and your kids!

 

[StrawberryHouseMouse]

The reason he gave me for staying out so late on Saturdays. Is that your suppose to dedicate that day to worshiping. He wont take me out any where on that day, wont spend or allow me to spend any money, wont do any work (even if its just the dishes) and has been arguing over allowing him to starting that on Friday night, and it last till Sunday. For some reason. I have yet to understand that so far.

 

[debilorrah]

Quote:
That sounds like a load of bull crap to me. It also sounds like a cult. Has he been pushing you to let loose with any money for odd things?

 

[Jess N Jeff]

The only thing I can say is that he made his choice in his new religion. You have to make yours concerning the welfare of you and your children. It would be great if the two of you could agree to disagree on the religion you each follow but still coexist in love, but you have made it clear that that is not happening.

Keep your safety and the safety of your children in the forefront of your mind, search your heart and make the best decision for your life. When someone is pushing you away emotionally, what else can you do but take care of yourself.

 

[PaulaJoAnne]

I would have to encourage counseling for you and your girls.
It is not common for the average person to be fully sucked into a group like you described.
Something is not right.
You may have to find some way to apeal to him, maybe utilizing something that will get his attention.
I have no idea what it could be though.....possibly using what he is involved in to your advantage.

And I do agree, that this group sounds like a Hebrew Roots movement, and really is not a true jewish group.

 

[PaulaJoAnne]

Quote:
The true Sabbath begins at Sundown on Friday, and ends at Sundown on Saturday. This is what he is talking about.
Do feel free to keep posting stuff like this. We can likely help you wade through the muck, and find a way.

 

[StrawberryHouseMouse]

Quote:
That sounds like a load of bull crap to me. It also sounds like a cult. Has he been pushing you to let loose with any money for odd things?

Well for some reason he is becoming more into basketball and asked if he could buy a new basketball but I haven't considered anything odd about that. I figured he didn't have anyone to watch basketball with before but he has been playing at the community center for a while now with some work friends. So I can understand why he would want a basket ball that has his favorite player's jersey number on it.
Other then that he tried to talk me into getting a pink wig lol that I found a bit weird. But then again he was a big anime fan growing up. Anime being those Japanese cartoons. So he may just be wanting me to dress up for his enjoyment. Who knows.

 

[redhen]

Um... i dont even know where to start... really.. wow.
I feel for ya.... but when all is said and done, you are choosing to tolerate this behavior from him. Its your choice..
I'd set up my tree and celebrate my christmas and Easter with my children. And if he chose to leave... well, then thats on him, isnt it?
You cant tell him what religion to choose... but when he starts to shove it down your throat and it affects your family....its not a good thing.
I'd sit him down and MEAN WHAT YOU SAY... and explain to him that he can have whatever religion he wants..but that it WILL NOT affect your household. AND he will not be thinking that he has some sick control over you, just because hes a man.

Unless you WANT to tolerate it?? If you are just going to keep tolerating it...then DONT get into it with him.... it'd just be pointless wouldnt it??
The thing is...if you tell him something..you HAVE to back it up...you HAVE to do what you say..He has to KNOW that you are serious..... otherwise he'll think you are a joke and no wonder he'll have no respect for you. Good luck...